So, I Let My Cat Choose My Lunch


You may recall a post I wrote a few months ago detailing what happened when my cats chose each piece of my entire outfit. The result wasn’t that bad, so I thought I’d once again seek feline advice. This time I wanted my cat to plan my lunch. I tend to eat the same things each day, so I decided it would be good for me to mix it up a bit.

I selected on some interesting choices and asked Cosmo to participate. He took role as outfit-chooser so seriously, so I just knew he’d do me a solid with the lunch menu. His first lineup included a box of Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries, popcorn and Flipsides pretzel crackers. He did not delay in choosing the crackers. It was as if he didn’t even consider the other two. That’s OK — I trust him. After all, he is an expert in my book.

Next up was pre-cooked bacon, Twizzlers and sliced Provolone cheese, all three complete winners! I would have been quite pleased with any of his picks. At first he appeared slightly puzzled and wandered around the display, closely examining each option. In an unexpected twist, he settled himself directly between the bacon and the Twizzlers: a solid tie.

Lastly, I offered him a bottle of pancake syrup, some honey and a jar of peanut butter. The choices seemed to paralyze him. He stood in place, his eyes darting between the three of them. You could see the wheels turning inside that fuzzy little head, but he finally took a deep breath and slowly walked behind the peanut butter, where I thought he would land, but no. He kept moving and planted himself directly behind the plastic squeezy container of honey. He looked shaken, but satisfied.

After he’d made his selections, he looked exhausted. Such hard work for a kitty! I released him to take a nap and continued forward alone, ready to create my concoction. The final results indicated I’d be enjoying a delightful bowl of Flipsides pretzel crackers, bacon, Twizzlers and a drizzle of honey. Individually, each item sounded delicious, but together? I was about to find out.

I tore the Twizzlers and bacon into bite-sized pieces and sprinkled them on top of the crackers. Then I slowly squeezed ribbons of honey over the contents of the bowl Was I ready for my lunch? I looked over at Cosmo and he slowly nodded his head and then dropped off to sleep. So I grabbed a spoon and gave it a try. Of course I created a little video to show you that I actually ate the meal Cosmo had selected.

How was it? Well, the bacon and honey actually tasted OK together and the crackers were a fine complement. The Twizzlers, however, added a chewy component that wasn’t all that tasty.

Later, Cosmo asked me how it was and I was honest. He just shook his head at me — you know how those fancy, stuck-up chefs can be. Apparently my tastes just aren’t developed enough for this exotic type of fare. I should have just gone with a bowl of cereal.

What kind of food choices would your cat make for you? Tell us in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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