The 5 Stages of Aggravation: When My Cat Wakes Me Up


Like most cats, mine enjoy their routine. I’m kind of like a cat in that way; life’s just easier for me when I know what to expect. But just because I understand a cat’s need for routine doesn’t make it any easier for me to giddily jump out of bed as soon as they begin their get-out-of-bed-and-feed-me-now routine.

Cosmo’s the ringleader in all of this. He usually sleeps on a purple pillow in the living room. Around 5:30 in the morning (a full hour before their breakfast time), I imagine his internal clock’s ringtone going off, his head popping up, and off he runs to punch in for his “let’s annoy Mom” shift.

Here are the five annoying stages of them waking me up in the morning:

1. Whining

Whining — it always begins with the whining. He wanders around the living room and kitchen creating high-pitched whiny sounds. Then he’ll stand at the entrance to our bedroom and whine some more. Then he’ll walk around our bed, still whining. Then he’ll circle back to the kitchen and whine a little more. You get the idea.

2. Burrowing under the covers

If the incessant whining hasn’t jostled by butt out of bed, Cosmo then jumps on the bed and burrows under the covers. He likes to move around while he’s under there, making the blankets and sheets shift around and keeping me awake. He only stays under for a few minutes — just enough make sure I know he’s awake and ready for me to get up. ‘Cause I had no idea.

3. More whining

See No. 1 and multiply by at least five.

4. Pawing at doors

Our bathroom and bedroom doors are right next to each other. Even though the bedroom door could be open, he’ll begin standing on his hind legs and pawing at the closed bathroom door. At this point I start calling him into the bedroom because I’d rather deal with shifting sheets than pounding paws. He doesn’t care what I’d rather deal with. He’d rather deal with a plate of chicken and gravy.

5. Stealing pillow

After a fair amount of pawing for no apparent reason except to further annoy me, he makes his way back into the bedroom and jumps on the bed. I sleep with my head on the very corner of my pillow, leaving much of the cushy space open. As a final attempt at not-so-gently encouraging me to get up, he jacks my entire pillow, pushing my head completely off and onto the mattress. And then he turns around and starts licking the wrought iron of the headboard, drool dripping down his chin and onto my pillow. At this point, yes — I’m getting out of bed.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, this whole process begins at 5:30 a.m. The time it takes Cosmo to get from No. 1 to No. 5? About 10 to 15 minutes, but it feels likes more like five hours.

Do your cats have a routine to wake you up in the morning? Tell us about it in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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