Felines are models of composure. They seem to always look put-together and poised — total cool cats. Maybe “always” isn’t the right word, because I occasionally find my cats in embarrassing situations. Well, they seem to be embarrassing, but you wouldn’t know it from the way they act right after. Heaven forbid a human might catch sight of something that may blemish a cat’s confident exterior!
Dogs couldn’t care less if they appear foolish or silly — they love a human’s laughter in any situation, even when it’s directed toward them. Cats, however … well, let’s just say that cats would rather be the ones doing the laughing. Or mocking, in some instances.
Here are five embarrassing situations from which my cats try to regain their cool.
My Cosmo semi-regularly falls off the arm of the sofa. The sleeping space is so narrow and he snoozes so soundly — a tumble is practically inevitable. Phoebe always seems to sleep with one eye open; she even makes little noises if I touch her mid-Zs. Cosmo, however, travels into the deepest corners of Sleepyville and almost never even twitches an ear or flicks a tail when spoken to our touched. This is why, when he changes position, he loses balances and falls right onto the sofa cushion or floor.
He never fails to emerge unruffled, with the classic cat “I meant to do that” look on his face. I once rescued him when he rolled mid-sleep between the my bed and the nightstand. His feet were in the air and he looked like a turtle who’d gotten stuck on his back. Of course I raced to dislodge him, but I have to admit that the sight was cartoonish. Again, he rebounded with complete composure and started cleaning himself as if nothing ever happened. “I was stuck between two pieces of furniture? I have no idea what you are talking about — have you been drinking, woman?”
Cosmo full-on panics when a door separates him from me. He pounds, paws, and pretty much acts like he’s being chased by an axe murderer. When I open the door, do you think he races in, out of breath, with a wild look in his eye? Based on the previously described behavior, one would think so. Nope. He casually strolls in as if to say, “Fancy meeting you here.” Or else he’ll stand in the doorway and stare at me. “What? Do you need something? Why would I pound on the door? You must have me confused with someone else.” Sure thing, buddy.
My cats aren’t ones who will tolerate wearing clothing for an extended amount of time. They’ll give in to a well-fitting garment, but after an incriminating photo or two are taken, they get cranky and start doing that crouchy, walking-backwards move. As soon as I remove the the clothing, they scurry away, but then return acting as cool as a cucumber. “Me, in a Santa hat? Are you certain? There are photos? Surely you jest.”
I don’t know about your cats, but mine are in no way interested in carrier-bound car rides to the vet’s office. Saffy and Phoebe howl nonstop, and Cosmo “sings” in a high-pitched whine for the entire journey, which is usually about ten minutes. It feels like ten hours.
As soon as we arrive home and I release them, they casually saunter out of the carrier like they were stepping out of a cab in front of a fancy restaurant. “Thanks for the ride, ma’am. Here’s a tip — go buy yourself somethin’ pretty.” You’d never believe that just minutes earlier, their vocal ruckus made me want to stab my ears with knitting needles. “Lady, you need to have your hearing checked.”
Despite the clear “no-no” rule in our house, Saffy loves to climb atop every table and counter that may hold something even remotely delicious. She’s a big girl, so I always hear her jumping down from her explorations — she’s not fooling anybody. Occasionally, I bust her mid-cruise, and as soon as she senses my presence, she leaps from the counter or table. And the hysterical part of the whole thing is that she refuses to make eye contact with me. She’d just rather pretend like the whole thing never happened. “You saw nothing.”
Do your cats rebound from embarrassing situations with style? Tell us about them in the comments!
Read more post by Angie Bailey: