Please help my dearest ever SISTER

Hello all,

I hope you'll all check out my *grrrrrr* "Sister's" page. Gabby. *Hiiiiissssss* My MORONIC Girl got her from a sick friend (what a sob story. gag me. stupid humans.) She claims that she'll find Gabby a new home, but in the meantime I have to put up with her.

So. You want a new cat? I don't! Adopt Gabby!!! Get that long-furred Human-Thief out of my house!

RRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrr,
Star

*reaches out from under the couch and smacks the distasteful human's feet.*

Until.....

Today was a Thursday. Thurdays are good days.

Today, like any Thursday, I woke Girl up at an obnoxious hour, just for fun. Following the breakfast she dutifully provided, I chased my little brother around the house for a while. Because Girl works from home on Thursdays, I obtained all the attention and brushing I could ever want. At five o'clock, I settled into my very favorite chair for my evening nap.

It was a good day.
UNTIL!

Girl, waited until I was nearly nodding-off, and nabbed me! She tossed me violently (it's true I tell you! She turned into an evil demon-Girl!) into the dreaded "Pet Taxi" and swept out the door! This could mean only one thing! The VET! I promptly began to howl and hiss and shake the carrier! Demon-Girl would not take me without a fight!!
Upon arrival at the dread NAMC Vet, an evil blond minion, which girl called a vet tech, ushered us into a secure room, where they could torture me away from the eyes of witnesses!

They released me from my Pet Taxi/Prison and placed me on a scale. Comment on MY weight, will you evil Vet Minion?! Well then, you will never get your scale back! I kept it. Refused to move from it and swatted her hand with my sadly-claw-free paw. She wisely backed down.

Next, a man entered the room. I have liked every man I've ever met. Father played games with me when I was little. Fiance treats me, as he should, like a queen. Neighbor Boy lets me sit on his lap, even though he is horribly allergic to me. But THIS man? I did. not. like.
Unfortunately, he must have sensed my seething rage. Don't know if it was the hissing, the yowling or the puffy tail that tipped him off....
Before I could sink my teeth into his no doubt tasty flesh, he squinted at me and said "I don't trust you."

Wise man.
Evil.
But wise.

He sent his Minion to fetch him a towel. Who knew an innocent towel could become an instrument of torture! He walked behind me while the Vet Minion held my gaze. Instead of guarding my flank, as a servant should, Girl allowed the Evil One to toss the towel over my head! Oh the indignity!

I couldn't see!
I felt hands on me!
I struggled!

But the Evil one grabbed the scruff of my neck and handed me off to the Vet Minion.

Next he jabbed me in the leg (He nearly chopped it off, I'm certain!) not once, but twice!

I gave a mighty lunge! Freeeeeedooooom!!!

I hid under a table and Girl kept trying to talk to me. Traitor. I ignored her. Once again, the wily Evil Vet-Man managed to blind me and grab me.

He jabbed me a THIRD time (he will pay, I swear it!) and I finally managed to retreat to my Pet Prison.

Shortly thereafter, Girl and I arrived home. She tried to ply me with treats and a good brushing. But I plan to hate her for days. Weeks maybe.

What a waste of a perfectly good Thursday.

Prrrr!

It's my birthday! I plan to lay in the sun, chase shadows, and sleep! No worries!
Okay one worry.
How do I keep Captain from stealing my birthday supper? I just know Girl has something special for me...
Thanks to everyone who is my friend! You make my day even better!
Prrrrr,
Star

The F Word

So, my Girl gets stranger every day.

She refuses to call Boyfriend, "Boyfriend" anymore. Apparently she thinks she can change his name on a whim. Now she calls him a weird F word. Fee-on-say.... something like that.

She claims it's like a promotion. (But I think it's more of a bribe. See, he paid her to start calling him Fee-on-say. Gave her this shiny toy that she keeps on her hand and won't let me play with.) She's going to promote him again eventually, I guess. THEN she says she'll start calling him "Husband."

Humans are freaks.

I thought Boyfriend was a perfectly good name. But if that's the way they want it, I'll call him Fee-on-say.

Sheesh.

Star

Watch him squirm!

Heh heh heh.....

Okay, friends, here's the thing. I've gotten used to my little brother. I was pretty ticked when he got me sick, but I've forgiven him since. We get along okay now. Sometimes we even play together (yeah, I admit it).

But he's still a brat.

Yesterday he got me in trouble for stealing Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Girl knows it was him, but Boyfriend sprayed us both with water.

Did I get mad? Oh no, I'm much too clever for that.

I called in a favor.

That's right, I brought in the heavy artillary: Miniature Human. Oh, she's well trained, don't get me wrong, but the sight of a pretty white "kitty" to play with? Her eyes went round, she bounced on her little feet, squeeled "KITTY!" and ran straight for him. He didn't know what to do, it was beautiful!! He froze up, knowing that to scratch would mean a long round with the spray bottle... ah the sheer terror as she petted him enthusiastically, exclaiming "Nice! So soft!"

Next she politely came to tell me hello. Captain was shocked when I greeted her politely and purred as she pet me. His little brain couldn't process.

Hehehehehehe!!!!!

Star

Feeling bad

My Girl is so stressed out. I'm still sick and the vets can't figure out what's wrong with Cappy and I. Girl has thrown hundreds of dollars at the vets, tried perscription food, multiple meds, everything. And I still feel horrible. Girl is thinking about sending me to live with her parents for a while, separating me and Captain, trying to keep us from sharing diseases. She'd send Cappy, but he' on so many meds, she can't force that responsibility on someone else. It makes her cry. She doesn't know what else to do. I don't look forward to the car ride down there, but I like her parents okay. What do you guys think? WHat other option does Girl have?

Star

Ugh.

Guys, I know I try to keep my diary entries fun, but... my tummy HURTS!!! Sniff. I feel gross. I sit on Girls lap (I usually don't do that unless Captain is watching and I want him to be jealous!) and give her my best sad kitty eyes and she loves on me and I feel a little better. But this SUCKS! When I went to the vet the other day (see my hostile diary entry for the gory details!! :D ) they sent me home with this "laxy-tiv". Dunno what it does... Girl says it cleared up my "blockage". But it tastes like tuna, so I don't mind it. They also gave me this nummy "Low-Res" cat food. It was wet and tasty. And for three whole days, I didn't throw up! But then, this morning, while Girl was on the phone with the v-e-t about Captain, I started coughing, and I couldn't help it. Up came my Low-Res breakfast. So Girl's phone call with teh vet lasted longer than planed. Looks like they're changing my food AGAIN. This time it's stuff for kitties with "food allergies". I don't know what those are, and I don't care. If they're what's makin' my tummy hurt, I want them to go away! I'm gonna go curl up on the futon now and be miserable. This new food better be good.

Pitiful meows,
Star

On behalf of all felines!

Today, on behalf of all felines who have ever suffered the indignity of trip to the vet, I exacted revenge!

As I mentioned earlier today, Girl committed the worst sin a human can commit! She tricked me into a pet carrier and hauled me to the lair of the v-e-t! Well, at the time, I was tired, my tummy hurt, and I was HUNGRY! I decided not to take it lying down! On behalf of felines everywhere, I went in, claws and teeth a-blazin'!

Lately I've been honing my wicked fighting skills on my brother, Captain. Today, I put them to good use. An unsuspecting technician took me from Girl's possession and foolishly released me from my carrier in the presence of the dread v-e-t! I made them EARN their "initial exam"! Shortly after the exam was complete, I heard the Evil One on the phone with girl. Part of the conversation went like this:

"Well, she has a bit of a fever and her stomach is tight, so I recommend an x-ray. Other than that she's been... well actually, she's been rather hostile!"

Darn right I had!

Following that call they forced me onto a horrible x-ray machine! A few technicians will be sporting scars from THAT ordeal!

Next, they wisely locked me away until, when Girl arrived to take me away, they decided to give me fluids. I fought so valiantly that they got more fluid on me than in me!

They drew straws, and the loser had to take me out to Girl. Even she was surprised at the horrendous noises coming from my carrier and reports that the technician carrying me looked properly frightened.

So rest assured, friends, at least one vet clinic has been properly punished for its crimes.

Ick.

Heh heh... look... there's the cat carrier. That always means Girl is hauling my brat brother off to the vet again. Heh heh. Serves him right if you ask me.

Oh, hi Girl. How's it goin'. Hey, why are you picking me up? Captain's right over there, see? Girl? Hey!

TRAITOR!! LET ME OUT!!



[Girl's note: What am I going to do with these cats!? The past month, Captain has been doing a fine job of racking up the vet bills. I guess Star wants in on the action. She's always been the picture of health (chubby health, yeah, but I've never had to take her to the vet for anything other than her annual shots!) but for the past three days she hasn't kept ANY food down. So it was off to the vet this morning. My poor baby. I hope she's okay.]

Hahahahahahahha!!

Man, oh man! Maybe this "little brother" toy isn't all bad after all! Really, I barely even have to terrorize him. He does all the work FOR me! I ran at him and feigned a pounce, and what did the little geek do? He jumped about a foot in the air, turned around, and ran off - face first into a wall!
Hahahahhahahahhahaa!
I couldn't pursue, I was laughing too hard!

Star