Be warned: The alien cat invasion is most definitely upon us. After Matilda the self-proclaimed alien kitty shook up the Internet earlier this year with her otherworldly eyes, the second wave of extraterrestrial kitties has been beamed down to planet Earth. This time the charge is being led by two neon-eyed fluffy felines named Manchego and Chipotle.
In the interests of welcoming our new overlords to our humble celestial body, I spoke to their human contact, Veronica Lujan, and agreed to pass on their essential agenda.
The cats’ ocular origin
According to Veronica, Manchego and Chipotle were born with their space-age-esque eyes, although at first the features were “paired with big ears they hadn’t grown into.” Explaining further, she says, “Chip had a triangular face before his cheeks grew in, a tiny triangle filled with massive eyes and topped with giant ears. Pretty darn cute.”
So much allure
So why are this Persian duo’s eyes are so captivating? Well, it’s simply a “breed trait,” according to Veronica, although she adds that, “Chip’s especially are on the extreme end of the spectrum, even for the breed.”
As befits such social media darlings, both of the kitties crave the spotlight. “Chego vocally demands attention and plays like crazy,” relays Veronica. “Chipotle is the lovebug, cooing and trilling for belly scratches and nose rubs. They are both social and love when we have guests over.”
The secret of dried fish
If you dig deep into the alien cats’ Instagram account, you’ll come across copious references to snacking on bonito flakes, the Japanese dried fish foodstuff. Apparently, Manchego and Chipotle were first drawn in by the product’s pungent smell and then charmed by “the unique dissolving crunch of them.”
Snacktime is mandatory
Continuing with the food theme, it seems these extraterrestrial felines are quite the gourmands. Manchego has even sampled his namesake cheese, while when Earthling guests pass by their abode, a cheese plate including manchego and smoky chipotle almonds is offered up.
Meow world order
Being that we’ve now all accepted the feline alien invasion and welcomed our new furry masters, it’s time to ask the hard questions behind the movement. To that end, Veronica is glad to convey Manchego and Chipotle’s grand message:
“Chego would use his airtime to campaign for a trade route to share our tasty snacks with their Home World. Chip would entreat everyone to spend more time in bed cuddling throughout the day, with intermittent breaks to sprint in circles. Their priorities are pure and simple. I’m sure we could learn a lot from them.”
The end is nigh
The next stage in the prophecized alien cat invasion is for all of these pioneering kitties to team up. Acting as Manchego and Chipotle’s press officer, Veronica remains on-message as she says, “The more alien cats the better; I welcome our new planet-mates.” Then she adds, “I adore Matilda. I had a dream once that we were cat-sitting her and woke up in a great mood …”
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About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it’s not quite what you think it is.