My three cats can be pretty unpredictable a lot of the time, but there are certain activities that consistently bring them running — like 99.9 percent of the time. I’m not even kidding. It’s kind of like how I can’t sit still knowing there are homemade cookies in the house. Guess what I just ate for breakfast? I’m totally predictable when it comes to baked goods. I can’t even make it until what many would call “snack time.” Chocolate cookies with peanut-butter chips mean it’s always snack time.
My cats don’t care about cookies, but they do become immediately obsessed with the following.
Cosmo can’t handle it when I start reading a book or magazine. He’s instantly compelled to invade my space and rub his drooly face all over my reading material, rendering it too shaky to mentally absorb. I try to hold it out of his reach, but he either changes positions or it’s suddenly in some kind of jacked-up position that makes reading nearly impossible. Cosmo doesn’t care — he just wants to spit all over my book because he loves me.
I know my Phoebe isn’t the only cat who freaks out when the printer begins making printer-like sounds. She’ll dash from any corner of the house to closely examine the paper spitting out of the mystery machine. When she was younger, she’d make off with the freshly spit paper, but now she’s content with eyeballing the printing process.
What is it about cats and bed-making? I don’t even know how to put fresh sheets on a bed without feline “assistance.” They want to be in the middle of each layer of sheets and blankets, almost daring me to continue my task. Yes, I’ve been known to make up a bed on top of a cat. And they don’t even seem to care.
Any kind of activity on the floor, especially ones involving crafting materials and tools, magnetize all three of my cats. They surround me, watching with intent, like they truly want to learn to be little Martha Stewarts or something. Normally I don’t mind the audience, but when they want to lie on top of my project or hot-foot away with a roll of tape, I can’t help but become slightly irritated.
I know that gift wrapping on the floor is bad for the back. I worked for a chiropractor for a number of years, and that was a giant no-no for our patients. Whatever. I still wrap on the floor because it’s easier to spread out my supplies, and apparently I’m a glutton for feline-related holiday punishment. Like everything else in their world, they believe all gift wrapping supplies are theirs. Gift bag? “Mine.” Stretching out on rolled-out gift paper? “Yes.” Chewing invisible tape? “Nom, nom, nom.” My cats can’t wait ’til Christmas.
The bathroom door is one of my cats’ greatest nemeses. They think whatever happens in that little room is extra-super exciting and don’t want to miss a second of it. Apparently watching me shower and poop is a hell of a good time. I should start selling tickets to my cats — I’d be a kazillionnaire. Except my cats are totally cheap.
What are the cat magnets in your house? Tell us in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.