Hey evrybuddy, Skeezix heer.
Today I have a topic of utmost impurrtance fur kittehs all over the United States. That topic is the Census.
My best frend Nikita (left) writed a reely good explanayshun of the US Census Form that the man in the bloo shorts brot to your home this week. Now, many kittehs think they can ignore it cuz it’s a peepul thing. NOTHING COOD BE FARTHER FRUM THE TROOTH!
Nikita kindly gave up sevrul naps to reed the entire form so yoo don’t have to. Heer is an exerpt frum Nikita’s introdukshun:
Hey Kitties! Your Human should have gotten the 2010 United States Census Forms in the mail, by now, and may have already returned theirs.
But what about yours?
Maybe you are having trouble with it?
Well, I’m here to help!
In the packet there is a really nice letter, from the Director of the Bureau, that says, among other things:
1. We need your help to count every Cat in the United States by providing basic information about all the Felines living in your home.
There is some debate as to whether Government Kitty Counters should also check every back alley, and dumpster, abandoned building, or beach cliff bush, and any other place Feral Cats, alone, or in Colonies, may be found.
I am of the opinion that, no, they should not, and the simplest reason, among the many there no doubt are, is that there are so many, thanks in part to Human neglect, that they would not complete the count until it was time for the NEXT Census, in 2020!
What are your thoughts, for, and against?
2. Your Answers to the Census are important because the results are used to decide the number of Cats each State Representative to Congress can have around their offices.
The amount of money the Rep can spend on the upkeep of those Cats also depends on these answers, as they use the money for kibble, litter, treats, medical bills, stroller, and Cat Tower repairs, among other things.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I have my doubts about this.
In all my life I have never read about the Representatives, and Senators, in my Districts, having Cats in the office, or seen evidence on film, however I believe my Rep lives with Kitties in her home, and there was, a few years back, a famous Cat who roamed the streets of Sacramento, the capitol of California.
3. The letter says any answers you give will be confidential, meaning they can’t give it out to Dogs, Mice, Birds, Animal Control, License Police, or even Vishus Deer.
It also says the info won’t be made public for 72 Human years, and then for genealogical, and other types of hysterical research purposes.
That first part is important, and no doubt comes as a great relief to Cats everywhere, especially with regards to Vishus Deers.
It is important because there are now brand new sitings of a particular kind of Vishus Deer recently discovered in the Continental United States, as reported by the ever vigilant Meowers From Missouri, who explain the danger as they see it, and even link to a video that, in my opinion, needs more analysis from the experts, such as Jack of All Shades, and Shadows, who has written one of the most definitive Educational Pamphlets you can find on the subject of Vishsus Deer, and Skeezix, writer on the Catster Cat/Kitten Blog, who founded The Vishus Deer Nayburhood Watch Group on Catster, before we allow panic to set in.
As for the 2nd part, the operative words are “Human years”, not Cat years, which means that you, your Kittens, most of your GrandKittens, and even some of your Great-GrandKittens, will be hanging out at Rainbow Bridge by then. ;-D
Then, Nikita gives item-by-item instrukshuns on how to anser all the qweschuns. THIS IS A BIG TIMESAVER, KITTEHS!
Fur example, sum kittehs are just too imberrist to call the 800 number and ask for help on Qweschun 6. Heer’s Nikita’s helpful sugjeschun:
Question 6 wants to know your Sex.
This DOES NOT mean how many times you go into Heat each year!
They want to know if you are a Male, or Female.
This one’s easy for Sphynxs.
If you are not sure, because you are one of those really hairy breeds of Cat…Have your Human get you a Lion Cut…You willl be doing your country a service, and look real cool for weeks afterward!
Nikita, I saloot yoo!