The housing market is heating up, and many cats are pestering their owners to trade up and get them their dream home.

We asked some cats what they were looking for in a house. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Tons of square feet (elevated)

We don’t care how you do it — built-ins, flying buttresses, indoor scaffolding — but we don’t want to touch the floor for weeks.

2. A pond full of carp

In the kitchen, preferably, but a pond full of carp in the living room would suffice.

3. Absolutely no doors

We are so tired of being on the wrong side of the door.

4. Mouse infested

Hey, one can dream.

5. Interior trees

Tall ones, too. You can save money by having less roof.

6. Dogs not allowed

Maybe in one of those gated community-type thingies? No doorbells, either. And mail carriers can only come to the door if they bring chicken. No visitors otherwise.

7. Glass roof — and glass walls, while we’re at it

Imagine, a sun puddle that never moved, that just sat there, everywhere. We’d never have to go anywhere again.

8. Wall-to-wall shag carpet

Or wall-to-wall corrugated cardboard. Your call. Maybe half and half. And make sure its the kind of carpet you can’t vacuum (check Macy’s).

9. Located under the migratory path of ducks

And swallows and warblers. Also swifts, nightjars, turtledoves, ospreys, and terns. Oh, and red-necked grebes. What else migrates? Under those, too. Do you have a shotgun?

10. Not located near vets

Florida doesn’t have vets, right? Let’s live there.

11. Located in an alley behind a fish market

Wait, can we live inside a fish market? Let’s do that.

12. The yard has an aviary

Even better, the bedroom has an aviary.

13. Lots of running water

A small waterfall in every room would be ideal, but we’ll settle for faucets can’t be turned off.

What would your kitty like in a house? Let us know in the comments!

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