Different-Colored Eyes Day is tomorrow — Saturday, July 12 — so naturally we thought of cats. We love cats with different-colored eyes. They are mesmerizing, no? The way they look at you, gazing deeply into your soul, almost as if they are implanting suggestions, commanding you wordlessly to do their bidding. Are cats with different-colored eyes doing that? Are they wizards?
We think so. Here are some telling pictures of cats with different colored eyes and some of the things the cats are suggesting:
Listen: There is a fish in the refrigerator. I need you to go the refrigerator and get that fish and bring it to me. Bring me the fish, now. Bring me a wheel of brie, too. And pudding. Do it now.
Pay very close attention. There is a plate of grilled chicken in the refrigerator. I need you to get that plate of grilled chicken and place it before me, and then I need you to back out of the room, slowly, no sudden moves. Do it now. Do not eat any of the chicken! Go.
At the end of your arm is a hand. At the end of your hand are fingers. I see them. I need you to take those fingers and scratch me, with medium force, on my back, right above my ass. Do not laugh! Continue until I walk away or viciously Iash out with no warning. Do it now.
In the cabinet is a bowl. In the cabinet is a can. Empty the can into the bowl. Why are you still here?
Listen: the cat food you have bought. There in the third drawer. I need you to take that cat food and drive it to the Pacific and throw it off a cliff! I am a predator, not your Aunt Sally! Get me a chicken, you fool — do this now.
There is a door in this house. A barrier erected between me and your toilet. I need you to get your toolbox. I need you to pull out the sledgehammer. I need you to bash the door from its hinges and burn it in a fiery blaze in the driveway! You will remember nothing. Do it now.
I need you to lie very still. On the floor is a sunbeam. I will lie on your belly. Do not touch me! You will move with the sun, gently. Thus we will pass the day.
Do you have a cat with different-colored eyes? Are you at the mercy of her gaze? Let us know in the comments!
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