The 7 Types of Cats You'd See at Burning Man
Oh, come on now, don't act like you've never heard of Burning Man.
I'm pretty sure that about 40 percent of San Francisco's population comprises "burners" -- folks who make the annual voyage out to Black Rock Desert in Nevada for a week-long gonzo music and art festival called Burning Man. Not quite a rave and not quite the set of Mad Max, Burning Man is pretty serious business to some not-so-serious people (who are often businessmen when they aren't half naked).
Which is to say it was pretty quiet here in San Francisco last week while everyone was out there. Which got me thinking: What if cats went to Burning Man? Or had their own Burning Man? These are the seven different characters I imagined you'd encounter:
1. The young newbie who goes wild with the catnip
It's usually this kitten's very first trip to the Playa (as they call it) -- in more ways than one. Usually the hardest drug she's ever done is that one time she nibbled on some cat grass (whoa!) and that other time he sat on his human's lap watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. His friends smirk when he asks for a hit, but even a threshold amount is too much.
2. The old hippie who goes wild with the catnip
It's usually this cat's ninth trip to the Playa -- in more ways than one. You'll usually find him sitting next to the newbie, watching some sort of light show and muttering, "They sure make this stuff stronger than they did in my time."
3. The career burner
When this cat is not at Burning Man, he's either decompressing from Burning Man or recompressing (I made that up) from Burning Man, and the only thing he talks about is how he can't wait to "get home to the Playa" (where he carries out a sordid affair with a ferret, Romeo and Juliet style).
4. The raver transferred to the desert
These cats are totally bummed when the batteries run out in their laser pointers.
5. Frat cats just looking for a pussy … cat
Being able to crush a beer can with your forehead is not impressive -- it just means you have a thick skull.
6. The nudist
The nudist is barely five milliseconds onto the Playa and he's already stripped down to his face paint.
7. The cat who mistakes the Playa for an oversized litter box
This cat is not tripping -- he is just lost. Please contact a ranger if you see this cat.
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About Liz Acosta: Catster's former Cuteness Correspondent, Liz still manages the site's daily "Awws," only now she also wrangles Catster's social media. That's why she wants you to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and -- her personal favorite -- Instagram. See ya there!
Top photo via Flickr