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I Ask My Cat Stella Whether She Would Ever Get a Job

I read about the Russian museum that hired a cat, so I wondered: When will my cat get a job?

Michael Leaverton  |  Apr 14th 2016


Early this month, a ginger cat named Maray landed the coveted job of doorman at Russia’s Serpukhov Museum of History and Art. Though it started as an April Fools’ joke — the staff posted a funny pic of Maray’s job application — news organizations reported on it as if it were fact, so the Serpukhov Museum went through with it and gave the cat a job.

“Maray comes to work at exactly 9 a.m., just like all the other employees,” the museum’s Head of Tourist Information Nina Strelkova told Mashable.He sits near the entrance to the museum and meets visitors. He meows and politely shows visitors to the entrance. He has lunch at 1 p.m., after which he walks around for an hour. His workday ends at 5 p.m.”

What a great cat. I asked my cat Stella if she’d ever get a job.

"I have nothing to say about the mailman." (Photo of Stella by Gina Cioli/i-5 Studio.)

“You woke me up for this?” Photo of Stella by Gina Cioli/i-5 Studio

Stella, can you wake up a sec? I was wondering if there’s anyplace you’d like to work.

That depends. What’s work?

It’s what you do at a job.

What’s a job?

It’s what you do for money.

What’s money?

It’s what you use to buy things.

Be honest with me: Are you speaking English?

Let’s try this: A job is something you do to get money to buy food, like chicken.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

I mentioned chicken.

YOU MENTIONED CHICKEN.

Now that I have your attention, let me explain the concept of work. From a Marxist perspective, the means of production are —

JUST TELL ME WHEN I START.

Well, first you have to pick a job. There’s this cat in Russia, for example, who got a job at a —

Christ, just give me a job with chickens.

Like on a farm!

Sure, why not? As long as I’m eating chickens I’ll work anywhere.

Well, you won’t be eating chickens, but you can raise them until they get shipped to the store.

Maybe I should just cut out the middle man and work at the store.

I guess you could do that.

Great. What’s a store?

It’s a place you go to buy things, using money you get from a job. 

Here we go again.

Look, it would take me all of five minutes to explain the history of work and commerce and the development of — hey, wake up!

Sorry, it makes me drowsy when you stop speaking English.

Just let me tell you about this cat in Russia who works at a museum.

MUSEUMS ARE BORING.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

You’re right. I don’t even know what a museum is.

Listen to this quote. “Maray does not eat cat food. He eats almost like a person. He eats several burgers a day and prefers fish for dinner.”

SWEET JESUS!

Working sounds pretty good, huh?

WE GOTTA GET TO RUSSIA!

That job is already taken, Stella.

You think I can’t get a cat with a name like Maray fired? That cat is just asking to be fired. That cat demands to be fired.

Getting a cat fired is not good way to start your working life, Stella.

What do you know about working?

Point taken. 

Course, we could save everyone a lot of trouble if you just gave me the burgers and fish right now, instead.

I think it’s time you went back to sleep, Stella.

Don’t you mean back to work?

Ha ha, Stella.

I’m so good at being a cat.

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Maray at work in Russia. Photo via Serpukhov Museum of History and Art