5 Reasons Why My Cats Are the Worst Decision-Makers Ever
I haven't always been the best decision-maker. A people-pleaser from way back, I've been known to make choices based on the happiness of others. Codependent, party of one, your table is waiting. Really, I've gotten way better over the years and now consider myself a pretty logical decision-maker.
My cats, however, are mostly a mess when it comes to making decisions, and you and I both know they aren't thinking about people-pleasing in the least. Sometimes kitties are naturally confused, but other times I believe they like to play the control card and remind us who's really in charge. Was there ever even a question?
Here are five reasons and some really funny pictures that illustrate why my cats are terrible at making decisions.
1. Stuck in the middle with you
Cats and doors: a pair who were doomed from the start. Kitties always want to be on the opposite side of every door they meet. And sometimes they just want to stand right in the middle of the doorway and sit in their indecisiveness. I'm certain cats would love nothing more than to live in a door-less house, so they no longer have to make those terribly hard door-related choices. Poor babies.
2. To jump or not to jump
When I'm sitting on the sofa or a chair, Cosmo usually stares at me. It's obvious to me that he can't quite decide if he wants to stay where he is or jump up to be with me. I know this because sometimes he welcomes my picking him up, and other times I reach for him and he runs away. He can't seem to figure out where he wants to be. Or maybe he just likes staring at me.
3. A not-so-fine whine
When I'm in bed, Cosmo sometimes wanders around the room, whining. He acts like he wants to jump on the bed, but just won't make the leap. If I keep calling him, he'll join me, and seems exceptionally happy to be there. Otherwise, he continues to wander and whine. He can't decide if he wants to be in the bed with me or for me to get up and be with him ... which probably involves food. Cats with ulterior motives? No way!
4. Cuddle confusion
I try to be accommodating with my cats when they want to snuggle with me. I mean, what's better than a kitty cuddle? I'll take it when I can. Occasionally my cats are restless, and just want to keep switching positions. Of course this means I have to keep switching positions to correspond with their comfort. Oftentimes this is at the sake of my own comfort. Do you think my cats give a rip? You're laughing, right? I just wish they'd pick a position and stay there!
5. Feed me. Wait, no.
Sometimes my cats act like they're going to absolutely perish if I don't feed them right that second. I'm talking Donner Party-hungry. And my poor babies are so underfed. HA! So I place their food on their plates and one of two things happen: 1) They go to town on their noms, or 2) They suddenly decide they're no longer hungry. For the record, this is never a problem I personally experience.
In what ways is your cat a terrible decision-maker? Tell us about them in the comments!
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Read more by Angie Bailey:
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- Texts from Mittens: The "Antiques Roadshow" Edition
- And Now, 5 Photos of My Cats Caught in the Act
- What Happens When My Cats Tell Me What to Wear
- 5 Ways My Cats Completely Own Me
- My Cats Are Addicts: 5 Reasons They Would Land in Rehab
- Do You Ever Wish You'd Given Your Cat a Different Name?
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- 3 Ways You and Your Kids Can Help Big Cats
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.