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5 Sneaky Ways My Cats Would Get Revenge if They Were Really REALLY Mad at Me

Cats are smart -- and they could bury my keys in the litter box or deprogram my remote control.

 |  Jun 2nd 2014  |   10 Contributions


Cats can be testy and temperamental. Really? You don't say! They're also sneaky and highly intelligent, right? Add up all those traits (testy + temperamental + sneaky + intelligent), and that = trouble.

I'll bet you didn't know there would be math in this post, did you? Well, no worries -- that's about as mathy as I get.

Let's pretend for a moment that cats were even more sneaky and intelligent. How is that even possible? Well, we are pretending, so just go along with me. If that were the case, and my cats were mad at me for one reason or another, I could see them getting me back in some pretty creative ways. Here are five of them.

1. Bury my keys in the litter box

Phoebe: "These should clump well in my box."

Don't you hate it when you lose your keys? I sometimes wish my keys were wired like one of those Clappers that control light switches. I'd love to be able to clap and hear my keys start beeping. I try to keep them in the same place all the time, but sometimes mindlessly toss them in some random place and then pay for it later.

My cats could really make me crazy if they buried my keys in the litter box. Then they'd sit back and laugh, watching me frantically comb the house because I was running late to an appointment. See, if I had a Clapper for keys, I would hear beeping coming from the litter box and know the exact location. But them comes the part where I have to scoop them out of the box. Yuck. Well played, kitty.

2. Change my Facebook status line

Cosmo: "It's her fault for not logging out."

I've seen status lines in my newsfeed and instantly known the friend's computer had been jacked by someone else. If one of my cats was holding a grudge, I could see them hopping on my laptop and messing with my social media. I'm thinking they'd create something like this for my status line: "I poop in a litter box" or "My cats are so much cooler than me." The latter, of course, would be true.

3. Mess with my calendar

Phoebe: "Go away already so I can hack into your calendar."

I live by my calendar and planner pad. With two kids and a very busy writing schedule, I have to stay on top of my time management. My cats know this about me and could totally screw with me by changing times and events on my calendar. They'd switch times for conference calls and dentist's appointments. And, of course, they'd cancel all vet visits.

4. Deprogram the remote control

Saffy: "But it was an accident! I swear!"

Like cats, remote controls are testy. When we added satellite service, I only wanted to know about the buttons I'd absolutely use every day. The other ones were confusing, and I've found (the hard way) that pressing a wrong button on a remote control can deprogram everything. And then I'm on a six-hour call with customer service, trying to reprogram everything.

My cats are experts at walking across things that really shouldn't be walked across -- like my full bladder and, of course, the remote control. If they really wanted to frustrate me, they'd have all four paws pressing random buttons and then sit smugly while I'm stuck on the epic call with customer service.

5. Refuse to enjoy a new box

Phoebe: "Try to look mad, try to look mad, try to look mad."

One of my greatest pleasures is offering my cats a brand-new box. When I receive a package in the mail, I can hardly wait to unpack it, not only to see its contents, but also to place it on the floor and watch my kitties enjoy the heck out of it. One good way to break my heart would be to pretend to hate the box. Really, what cat hates boxes? Sure, it'd be work for them to look believable, but they know I like to see them go nuts over a new cardboard treasure. "Hating" it would certainly be a good way to pick away at my joy and get me back for whatever I'd done to "offend" them. 

How can you tell your cat is mad at you? Give us some silly examples in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

 

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