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5 Ways I Act Confused When Visiting Homes Without Cats

Leave the front door open? Enjoy a drink with no lid? What is this madness in catless residences?

Angie Bailey  |  Oct 19th 2016


When you share a home with one or more cats, you become accustomed to certain feline habits and develop habits of your own that revolve around the cats’ habits. Everything revolves around the cats, though, right?

I definitely adopt certain behaviors when I’m at home with my two cats, and that makes for a little confusion while I’m visiting friends without cats. I can’t seem to break my kitty-driven habits and routines. Here are five points of confusion for me.

1. I can close the bathroom door

Open door policy.

Open-door policy.

I live alone and I’m used to leaving the bathroom door open while I use the facilities. If I accidentally close the door, Cosmo and Phoebe pound away like they’re trying to escape the clutches of an axe murderer. I make it easy on myself and just open the dang door.

When I visit other people’s homes (especially those friends who don’t live with cats), I have to remind myself that I’m not at my place. Yes, I’ve forgotten to close the bathroom door once or twice … or more; and yes, human folks have walked by to see me sitting atop the porcelain throne. Non-cat people just don’t understand. It’s a struggle to switch from cats-in-the-house mode, bathroom-style.

2. I think I see cats everywhere

Cat or sweatshirt? You decide.

Cat or sweatshirt? You decide.

Okay, I know you totally get this. So you’re at someone’s house and you swear you see a cat sitting on the end of the sofa. You instantly become excited at the prospect of your non-cat friend finally coming to her senses and adopting a kitty. Upon a second look, you realize it’s a black sweatshirt and not a cat. Curses! And then you walk into the entryway and, out of the corner of your eye, you see another cat, which turns out to be a briefcase. Double curses!

3. I sleep like there’s a cat in the bed

My non-cat friends don't have pillow that look like this.

My non-cat friends don’t have pillow that look like this.

When I sleep overnight at a non-cat house or in a hotel, I truly miss having a cat or two in my bed. I’m not sure why I miss it because they tend to steal my pillow and press against my body, making it impossible to change positions … but I miss it. Sometimes I find myself frozen in one sleeping pose all night because I’m so used to not being able to move. I could have an entire king-size bed to myself, and I’ll remain on the edge of the mattress, stretched out long and stiff like a mummy.

Confession: I secretly love it.

4. I can leave a door to the outside open

Friends, I just can't with the doors.

Friends, I just can’t with the doors.

Some cats are complete Houdinis — they’re poised to dash outside anytime the door is open, even a little. My cats aren’t as mad to get outdoors as some, but they’re definitely curious. I wouldn’t feel good about leaving a door open, so I’ve mastered the whole “open the door a little and move inside or outside very quickly” maneuver.

When I see non-cat friends stand in an open doorway of their home, I instinctively panic. My eyes dart around, looking for a cat who’s ready to dart outside. Then I remember there is no cat, and I relax a little. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that freaked-out open-door reaction.

5. I can leave beverages unattended

A cup with no lid? What is this thing of which you speak?

A cup with no lid? What is this thing of which you speak?

This one might be the weirdest one for me. My cats, like many, are cup tippers. I never leave a cup unattended when I exit a room — even for a moment. In fact, most of my cups have lids on them. I’m constantly in awe of non-cat friends who can just willy-nilly leave full glasses of liquid sitting around their space. What is that like? It’s been so long that I can’t muster even a taste of that feeling.

Sometimes when I stay in a hotel and have to leave the room, I empty my glass of water or move it to a countertop. I know I don’t have to, but I do it anyway. I guess I don’t ever want to get cocky with the liquid-filled glass situation.

Do you find yourself having weird thoughts in non-cat homes? Share in the comments!