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Confessions of a Hot Tortie

The show goes on,,,,

June 22nd 2010 6:40 am
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Mother put Harvard and me in a cat show two weeks ago, because there were going to be American judges, and only Americans like us torties. Hmph. Harvard got 16 points out of the 75 he needs to become a Grand Premier, and now I have 77 points out of the 200 I need to become a Grand Champion. Premiers are alters, Champions are intact (love that word! I'm INTACT!!!) Nyah nyah to Harvey and Harvard--I have all my naughty bits. (The downside of that is that I'm expected to give birth occasionally.)

Recently, I hate everybody in the household but Mother, and I probably only tolerate her because she provides food. I growl, hiss, and swipe at every cat who comes near me. Mother put me in a double cage with Harvard (my son...), and while he had a good time playing with wand toys and eating chicken, I just zoned out and napped. I mean, really. After mastering all the living languages, I am now pursuing all the dead ones. Who needs this cat show business? Six rings, and I get felt up each time by some stranger. I think we should have Human Shows in which the cats get to feel up naked humans in front of a bunch of cats. You may think that we cats don't have a sense of humor since we don't laugh, but we have both a sense of humor and a sense of irony. The low point was when one judge (actually, Mother and I like her) said that I have a great muzzle and am big for a female (I don't have as long a torso as my siblings, but I now weigh as much as Harvey--har har to YOU, Harvey!), but my tail wasn't long and bushy enough. Well, thank you very much. When you have kittens, your tail tends to lose fur. Hormones, those nasty things. So I'm on the judging table and being criticized for not having a bushy enough tail. I am computer literate and can read (if not speak) 367 languages, and I'm being judged by the volume of fur on my tail? Mother is a relatively intelligent sort, for a human, but she seems to be missing something here. Oh, well, no shows for a while--not until some American judges come to Japan again.

Harvard was a big hit, though, as much as I hate to admit it. He's not very big yet, but although his fur is on the short side, it's a beautiful Irish setter red with clearly demarked classic tabby swirls. His big eyes have gone from round (not Maine Coon) to almond shaped (Maine Coon). He's got a good muzzle, good nose scoop, and a long torso. More important, he has the best personality of anyone in our cat family. (Can a cat have a "person"ality?) Nothing bothers him. He's full of confidence. Cat shows? He loves watching the people, the cats, the judges. Wand toys? The moment he hears Mother opening her desk drawer (which contains, among other things, wand toys), he comes running. Cats have a keen sense of smell, although it's said that dogs are superior in that department. But we have a better sense of hearing than dogs do. No, there aren't any dogs at home, but I've read this on the Internet.

Yes, when I was just a kitten, I, too, was cheerful and outgoing. Now I'm a bit older, and tend to be nasty to the other cats here, and not very personable at cat shows. I'm always nice to Mother, though. Probably because I'm waiting for her to SEND ME TO HARVARD. Stop this cat show/breeding crap, and let me get my MD.


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