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Diary of a NOT FAT lover boy

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I am NOT happy! What was she THINKING???

August 13th 2010 6:31 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 12 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

Last night I was pouting on mommy and daddy's bed because mommy has been spending too much time in with the monsters and you will not believe what happened. She turned them loose on me!!!! She let the monsters out!!!

And of course they came right into the bedroom where I was pouting! Cheeky little so and so's! The little black one had the good sense to run right back out when I started hissing but the gray one ran under MY... um I mean mommy and daddy's, bed!

I got down on the floor and hissssssed and growled at him under the bed. Oddly, he didn't make a peep. Mommy finally ran ME out of I mean mommy and daddy's, bedroom, and got that intruder out from under the bed and locked both monsters back up.

You would have thought that after I showed her exactly what I thought of her stupid idea of getting me some "company" that would have been the end of it. But noooooooo! Tonight she turned them loose on me again! :~(

It was just for a few minutes but enough for me to get really mad again. And what is WRONG with those two anyway?? I hiss and growl and was even puffing up my tail and they just keep trying to approach me! Are they stupid or something?? Do they not see how big and scary I am? They aren't hissing or growling though... they just seem curious. :~/

Then, after tonight's "escape" obviously aided by my traitor mother, one of them went back in their room and pooped a big ol' stinky elephant sized, peel the paint off the walls poop in their box and didn't cover it up!! You know what that means don't you? You don't cover your poop and you are trying to claim YOU are the boss! Well they'd better figure out pretty soon that I am the only boss cat around here!

I figure I outweigh the little black one by almost double and the gray one seems to be missing "pointy parts" (claws and teeth) and I understand he is due to have more teeth removed on Monday. So they'd better not mess with me!

NOT happy and NOT purring,


I bit mommy last night.

August 7th 2010 8:20 am
[ Leave A Comment | 10 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

Mommy came out of the room where the monsters are last night and she had monster-smell all over her hands! She tried to pet me with those stinky hands so I bit the you know what out of her! Then she got all sad and I felt a little bad... after she'd washed her hands off real well and put alcohol on the bite I sort of apologized, a little.

I saw the monsters again last night! I 'bout hissed myself sick! But then later, I kinda creeped up to their door...not too close... and sniffed when I thought nobody was watching.

One neat thing that I think may have happened as a result of the monsters moving into the guest room is that I got some canned FF yesterday morning AND this morning! I can dig that!!

But mommy just better not try petting me with stinky hands again! That was not cool!

king of all I survey purrs,


Mommy obviously doesn't love me anymore and I am going to- just eat some worms and die.

August 4th 2010 9:46 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 15 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

There is a monster in my guest room (there used to be two of them but one seems to have gone away). I hate him. MY mommy goes in there for hours and hours at a time and closes the door and leaves me outside. (Note from mommy: It's not hours and hours at a time).

He gets Fancy Feast in the morning too when I only get it in the evening! I've tried my best to scare him off by hissing as mean as I can when I see him through the crack in the door, but he is still there. :~(

Obviously mommy doesn't love me anymore and has replaced me. :~( I'm going to go eat some worms and then I'll die and she'll be sorry.

want the monster to go away purrs,


I saw one of the monsters!!

August 1st 2010 8:00 am
[ Leave A Comment | 15 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

Oh dear furriends! I was strolling up my own hallway towards the bedrooms when I saw it! One of the monsters from the guest room! It was very small and very black, looked like the pure embodiment of evil! *shudders* I bravely stood my ground and hissed at it and mommy locked it up again.

Later in the evening, it tried to escape from its prison again! This time I hissed and hissed and then I got a little phlegm in my throat and started to cough *blushes* but my hissing did the trick! It withdrew back into its lair and didn't try to come out again. Whew!

I don't know if this old boy has it in him to defend the house from monsters. :~( And, the worst thing is, I think there is more than one in there!!

On the other paw, I guess I haven't been as bored these last couple days... Nevertheless, I hope they go away soon so that I can have a nice, peaceful, long nap.

concerned about monsters in the guest room purrs,


"Something Wicked this way comes!" Or, "I thought it was- just the nip!"

July 30th 2010 7:29 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 14 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

What a day this has been! I got a care package from some SUPER Catster moms that was full of goodies! But for some reason at noon mommy only took out the card and the first two toys in the box! Then she put a big heavy clock on the top of the box and filled up a new litter pan and put it and a food and water bowl in the guest room... odd...

Later mommy came home and there was a strange woman with her and they were both carrying those evil kitty carriers like what we go to the vet in? And the carriers were meowing!!!! But mommy and the strange lady whisked through the house so quick I didn't get a good look or sniff...

Then mommy and the strange lady came back out from the guest room and mommy finally let me have the rest of my pressies in the great box!!! OH...MY...WORD! Friends, let me tell you... there was some goooooooood stuff in that box!!! The nip was out of this world! I crawled completely on top of one toy while I rolled my head around and put my scent on another. Heaven!

Then I started to think maybe the meowing carriers I thought mommy and the strange woman had whisked through the house were just a dream... BUT! I smelled something funny...NOT nip! Every time I approached the guest room door mommy offered me a freeze dried chicken treat... so that was cool... but WHAT is behind that door??? I fear that "something wicked this way comes!" *shudders*

Now, mommy has had some confusing talks with me tonight... she has said: "This is your house Edgar. There is a big flag out front with an orange kitty that declares this is the house of the orange cat! YOU are my baby! I'm going to call these other kitties babies and let them call me mommy but they are really YOUR cats! I got them for you. You are the boss."

Well that's nice and all but I'm not sure I needed any cats... I haven't hissed at the door and they've been very quiet in there. But I KNOW they are in there! They'd just better realize who is the boss....

feeling very insecure and uncertain purrs,

P.S. from mommy: the new arrivals have their own pages now.


What the heck is an "appetizer?"

July 28th 2010 4:40 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 13 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

I don't know if my mommy was trying to be mean to me or if she is just weird... When I got my Fancy Feast treat tonight at first she just put a tiny bit on the plate and set it down and said: "There! There's your appetizer!"

Well I don't know what an appetizer is but I was pretty distressed about the size of that serving, let me meow you! But after I licked the plate clean she gave me the rest of my helping. *shrugs* Mommies are just really strange sometimes.

happy I got the rest of my Fancy Feast purrs,

P.S. I think mommy is cheating on me... she came home with the faint smell of other cats on her...

P.P.S. from mommy: The appetizer contained his first dose of Benazepril that the vet has prescribed because his CBC numbers were on the high side of normal for waste products in his blood. BUN 28, creatinine 2.0. Now I know those aren't very high... indeed when I said "chronic renal failure?" He said: I hesitate to use the word "failure" because his numbers are on the high side of normal. But I read up on the drug some myself and it is claimed that it can help "retard" the onset of renal failure. When I picked up the pills and found out it was just over $15 for a three month supply, I knew they weren't just trying to sucker me for the money. I think Edgar's daddy may take the same pill for his blood pressure... so they can do some male bonding. Oh, and my little piglet snarfed up his half pill in his Fancy Feast without a second thought...

Unfortunately...because I want to watch him carefully for side effects, now does not seem to be a good time to plug in a couple of Feliway diffusers and bring two new kitties in... I went back to the SPCA today to visit Hallie and Salem and Salem was giving me the real "hard sell" pitch! He put his front paw on my shoulder and tapped and purred in my ear and I was not even holding him! He was standing on a cheapo kitty condo shelf and reached out to do it.

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea...


What a Nightmare!!! (With a P.S. from mommy on results)

July 27th 2010 9:15 am
[ Leave A Comment | 14 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

I have just had the most horrifying experience! With no warning this morning mommy and daddy snatched me up and stuffed me in a carrier and mommy drove off with me! Oh how I howled my protests!!!

Then she took me to a strange vet's office that I had never been to before! Friends... there were *gasp* DOGS there!!! And they scared me! *shudders*

Then they poked and prodded me; stole my blood; stole my pee (what kind a sick perverts wanna steal an old boy cat's pee anyway???); poked up in my *ahem* you know...took pictures of my insides...pried open my mouth and looked at my teeth... what? Am I being enlisted in the army or something??? I didn't think they took old guys??

Thankfully, mommy DID bring me back home again. *whew* That had to be the scariest experience of my life. I don't ever want to go back there again!

Going to go hide under the bed, no purrrs,

P.S. from mommy: Edgar got almost all A's!!! I have a healthy boy!!! His chest and abdomen x-rays showed no signs of even early tumor growth; his stools looked good; he has no parasites; he has no viruses; his heart and lungs sounded good; his teeth looked okay; the cyst on his tail doesn't need to have anything done to it. Only negative thing was when they did the urinalysis they found his urine was a little diluted and had a little protein in it. They are waiting for the CBC results (either later today or tomorrow) to see what those might suggest about the urine. Doc said it could be a sign of a thyroid issue or possibly reduced kidney function that happens with age. He pronounced Edgar perfectly healthy enough to have a companion... the jury is still out on whether mommy is healthy enough... LOL! Yay for my boy!!!

Oh, and the doc told me again that I absolutely did the right thing for Emily; that surgery was not an option. I really needed to hear that.


Still Eatin' like a pig!

July 22nd 2010 7:00 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 15 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

Excuse me??? Who said mommy could write the title to my diary??? I am offended! I don't eat like a "pig." I eat like a robust orange boy with a healthy appetite!

Mom still hasn't been able to figure out if I want a furriend. She's been told by lots of her furriends that I'm probably picking up on her sadness. Well duh! Of course I'm tuned in to how mommy (and daddy) are feeling! But I'm maintaining my healthy appetite, still purring and still begging.

Mommy told someone today that: "Even if they aren't the best of friends, having another cat in the house would have to make life less boring..." Not sure I agree... These are the times mom and I both wish there wasn't this communication barrier between our species. She says: "Edgar, do you want a friend?" I say: *blink* *purr* or "Maow." *shrugs*


P.S. from Mommy... I'm so sorry friends of Emily that I still have not read and answered all the pmails and thanked you all for rosies. You are so kind. I DO appreciate your loving support.


I guess I'm okay, so far.

July 16th 2010 5:44 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 21 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

Mommy said I should write and let you, my furriends know how I'm doing because some of you have said you were worried about me. I guess I'm okay. I'm still eating my nightly Fancy Feast with great gusto! I've been leaving mommy one healthy poop and a couple of pee wees in the litter box each day. Tonight I had to go pee wee after she'd started cleaning the box.

I've been getting lots of attention; lots of brushing, playtime with the cat dancer, plenty of pats and hugs and kisses. Even daddy talked a little nicer to me these last couple nights. Mommy was always having to tell him before not to call me names or use a rough tone of voice with me because I wouldn't understand that he was teasing. But he's been pretty nice the last couple of nights.

Mommy has been staring at me a lot, and that's kinda creeping me out. Plus, she's not been acting normal at all; starts crying out of the blue! And daddy seems "off" too. So I worry about what is wrong with them.

It's been kinda lonely around here too. Especially in the daytime when mommy and daddy are both gone. Sissy Em and I were never great buddies, but I did like to sniff her butt on occasion and once or twice I gave her a sort of half a lick on the neck. Mommy has come home for lunch the last two days to keep me company and given me lots of loving.

Mommy thinks that every time she walks in the door I am looking to see if she has the carrier and is bringing Sissy back. Mommy also thinks a couple of times my meows have sounded kinda sad and inquiring and that maybe my tail is dragging. But I'm not telling her whether I understand what has happened with Sissy.

But, like I said, I'm still lovin' my Fancy Feast! And I purr a lot when I'm getting brushed or petted. And I played with the cat dancer with some enthusiasm these last two days, for a couple minutes anyway.

Mommy has asked me a couple of times if I'd like a "buddy." I'm not sure what that means... I know it made daddy kinda scowl when mommy said it, but he didn't say anything.

So, anyways, that's what's happening with me. Thanks furriends fur caring about me.

Oh! And mommy said I should tell you that she will, eventually, get around to reading all the pmails and rosies and thanking kitties and cat parents but she finds it kind of hard right now.

befuddled, but still hungry purrs,


I'm fine friends! Thanks! New Video!

July 10th 2010 8:14 am
[ Leave A Comment | 11 people already have ]

Dear Diary,

I want to thank all my furriends that were worried about me. Mommy is pretty sure it was me who threw up the grass and bile and blood. But I've been acting just fine. So don't worry!

Mommy has given me a new nickname; "Piglet." I'm not sure how I feel about this given that my favorite food is ham. Wouldn't that make me a cannibal?

Mommy says I have an eating disorder because I always want some of whatever she is eating. And I am very, very sincere and insistent about it too! She's trying to cut back on giving me any people food. But as this video shows, I am one determined fat orange boy kitty: Piglet MOL! And I got to lick up all the crumbs and parmesan! :~D

piglet purrs,

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