The Life & Times of "Wild Man"

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DOTD pick for May 28 - ME!

May 29th 2012 4:56 am
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And I missed it! MomKatt was lazy since it was a holiday weekend & didn't log into her 'puter yesterday so I missed it!

Can we move it to today, Catster? I feel a belated celebration is in order!

Happy purrs,
Feisal

PS - Big Harry made a really nice picture for me and I put it on my page. As far as I'm concerned, my DOTD pick is TODAY (Tues.)! So there!

 

BIG Thank Yous

May 27th 2012 9:46 am
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Until I can get to everycatt PURR-sonally, I want to send a big shout-out "THANK YOU!" to everypurr who wrote or left me a rosie or gift for my birthday the other day. I have some of the nicest, most thoughtful furriends on Catster and MomKatt was really touched by everyone's messages & gifts.

We can't thank you enough for thinking of me.

Love & purrs,
Feisal

 

Today would've been my 11th birthday ...

May 25th 2012 7:39 am
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MomKatt is sad. Today would've been my 11th birthday. She misses me very much, still.

I'm glad Selina's there. We didn't get along when I was going through my last few months on Earth, but MomKatt has told people that, more and more, she acts so much like me that it's like she still DOES have a part of me there with her. I didn't NOT like Selina - I just didn't feel like myself those last few months and MomKatt thinks that Selina's appearance in our house coincided with me starting to feel worse from the lymphoma and ... well, anyway ... you get the idea. Otherwise, we'd have probably had a ball playing with each other.

I miss you, too, MomKatt, and one day, you'll get another little Ruddy Boy to love & spoil as you loved & spoiled & cherished me.

I'm always just a thought away ... I love you MomKatt ...

Your ruddy boy
Feisal

 

Halloween is my anniversary!

October 31st 2011 7:39 am
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http://www.catster.com/cats/658455

Me and the beautiful Zilla were married today in 2008! It would have been our 3rd anniversary had I not had to go to the Bridge this past August.

But she knows I still ADORE her! And now I can watch over her more carefully - and one day we'll be together again.

Meanwhile isn't she BEAUTIFUL ....

*sigh*

I LOVE YOU ZILLA!

Your ruddy boy forever
Feisal

 

One Month Bridge Annversary Today

September 26th 2011 12:45 pm
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Hi all,

Can you believe it's been a month today since MomKatt sent me on my way to The Bridge? She can't. Neither can I, really. September has seemed to just fly by.

But I really like it up here. It's so nice not to have "the runs" 24/7 anymore ... and I feel like my old self again, I'm all bouncy & stuff & I'm learning to fly with Torrie's help ...

MomKatt's better, too. She knows I'm safe, that I'm still around keeping a paw on her activities ... me & Torrie & Kukla are catching up with each other (since I didn't have enough time to get to KNOW Torrie in the first place, this is nice).

Being an angel kitty isn't such a bad thing. And MomKatt's at peace w/sending me on. That's good.

Love
Feisal

 

Check THESE wings out!

September 24th 2011 4:44 pm
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WOW!

K.C. did a MEOWvelous job on these wings! Thanks, my furriend! So what do ya'll think? Do they suit me? I think they do!

I'm having a blast flying around up here - and of course, being an Aby (THE supersonic breed), I'm flying faster than most of the kitties!

I told Torrie & Raincloud that we needed to start some kind of flying school ... or hey! Maybe a squadron of exhibition Bridge Kitty Fliers, like the Blue Angels on Earth!

Man, this is exciting.

I've been checking on MomKatt, it's not all been fun & games here at the Bridge. I *DO* miss her, and I've seen she's feeling better about deciding to send me on my way here. Really, it was the right choice. I wasn't feeling well at all, and I wasn't going to get any better. Now, I'm whole and happy and in no pain.

I visited her one day about two weeks ago while she was running. She was thinking about me and realized that, while she DID want me back, she didn't want me back the way I was, then realized that *I* wouldn't have wanted to return to her the way I was, either. And when the thought came to her like that, it put it all in a better, clearer perspective.

I miss you MomKatt but you have kits there that need you - all my sibs need you & DadKatt. And I know you miss & love me still ...

Purrs,
Feisal

 

I guess I need some wings now ...

August 30th 2011 9:23 am
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*sits & ponders this*

 

Coming home

August 30th 2011 6:42 am
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Dr. Lofgren's office called MomKatt last night & she got the message when she got home.

I'm going home tonight after she gets off of work. She says she's already got a spot for me all picked out, next to my sibs Kukla & Torrie.

She'll feel better when I'm back home. I can look after things better there, too.

Purries,
Feisal

 

Last memories by MomKatt

August 29th 2011 8:03 am
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I took a half-day off of work on Thurs., Aug. 25th, to go home & spend the day with Feisal. I couldn't just sit at my desk not doing anything when I could've been home with him. Thank goodness I have a "cat person" for a boss and she understood & encouraged me to go (not that I needed any encouragement).

It was a beautiful, warm sunny day that day and, when I got home, Feisal was in his cat bed in front of the French doors in the dining room, where he was usually to be found these days. I got a quick run in, so that I could get it over with and come back to devote the rest of the afternoon/evening to Feisal.

Most of the afternoon, the sun streamed in through the doors and he laid back in his cat bed, with his head resting on the edge, belly turned towards the sun's rays, working on his tan. I sat next to him, talking to him, taking pictures of him with my cell phone and sending them to a few people, and telling him what was going to be happening during the next few hours and the next day. I wanted him to know - I had to SAY it aloud so he'd know. He got a LOT of chin scritches (his very favorite) and head rubs and I got a lot of his trademark soft meows and gentle headbonks and his fur just got warmer and warmer in the sunshine and he got sleepy so I went to watch TV for awhile to let him nap.

We just had a nice day together, he & I. Feeding time rolled around and it was bittersweet. You can't help thinking, "This is the last meal I'm going to serve him." He ate nearly 2/3 of a can of Blue Buffalo Wilderness Duck flavor, which he loved, and throughout the evening, he got three pieces of ham (stolen from 'Ticia's stash LOL) and YOGURT. Oh, that boy LOVED yogurt, especially Greek yogurt (thank you, Gentleman Jack, for turning him AND me onto this delicious stuff). I kept asking, "You want more?" after he'd finish a big spoonful and I could tell he did by the expression on his face, so I kept giving it to him! By the time we were done, old "Yogurt Nose" had a dab of yogurt on his nose & on his face. It was very funny & Gary and I laughed because it was just SO typical ... and heart-wrenching. I'd have given him anything he'd wanted that night, anything at all, just to see him get a little pleasure from whatever it might be.

Before going to bed, unbeknownst to me until he told me the next day, Gary sat next to him in the bed in the dining room and talked to him, telling him all kinds of things, and I of course came out later to tell him good night & kiss him & talk to him a little before turning in myself. I knew Friday was going to be a hard day, and that I'd need whatever rest I could get between now & then.

About 3 AM, Morticia wanted to go out, so I let her out of the bedroom and I walked over to the bed. Feisal was sleeping but he heard me approach and woke up. I kissed him & said, "Just checking on you, sweetheart". Told him I loved him and petted him for a bit, then went back to get a little more sleep.

Friday morning, he acted like he usually did: followed me/us around the kitchen walking around the countertop, getting his usual treats (he acted like he was waiting for us to give him his morning dose of Pred, but I said, "You're free, boy! No more meds ever!" He probably just wanted the after-med treats he'd usually get ... LOL ... and he got them in spades.)

I had the carrier out and on the counter top, and what he did with it struck me (and I think Gary, too) significantly. Feisal always did have a thing for luggage; anytime we packed to go someplace (when we actually TOOK vacations) he'd leap into the garment bag or suitcase or overnight bag and sit there, like, "Can I go, too?" Well, he went right INTO the carrier this time and carefully settled himself down into it (he'd had a hard time lately, because his butt hurt so much from the 24/7 diarrhea, sitting down & finding a comfortable position). This carrier is a soft carrier, with a solid surface bottom covered in a fleece covering so ... he settled into a bread loaf position and STAYED there.

Did he know? Did what I told him the day before, about what was going to happen and why I was doing it and how it killed me to do it but that I was sending him to The Bridge so he wouldn't be in anymore pain or discomfort, sink in? I don't know - but I think he DID know something was up and I pulled up a chair to the end of the breakfast counter, sat down & said, "You and I are going for a nice, slow drive to Dr. Lofgren's office ... we're going to take our time & have a nice trip, just the two of us together, how'd you like that?"

Gary had a hard time leaving for work. He kept coming back (Feisal had gotten out of the carrier at this point, like he knew he was saying goodbye to DadKatt, and was standing on the stove top where he always liked you to pet him best) and saying, "Boy, I don't want to let you go." and petting him again. My husband has a big heart and he loved Feisal as much as I did - he is a true "cat guy" and he was busted up that he couldn't go to the vet with me (he's been swamped at work the last few weeks). Finally, he did leave and it was just Feisal and me, and only about 45 more min. before I'd have to load him up in the car to meet our 9:30 appointment time.

It came time to leave, and I shut & locked the door holding the carrier in my other hand, knowing the next time I opened that door, my ruddy boy wouldn't be at the end of the kitchen counter to greet me like he used to do every day when I came home from work (and which he hadn't done now for some time - he preferred to be in the bed in the dining room because, I think, it was just more comfortable at this point).

We had a nice, slow, leisurely ride to the vet's office down Highway 158, a pretty two-lane black-top road. It was a touch cloudy but that was OK. Feisal was meowing softly from the carrier and I talked to him about this & that, the whole time.

Finally, as we got about halfway there, I said, "Feisal, sweetheart, we're not alone in this car." I kept my right hand on the mesh side of the carrier the entire time, except for when I had to change gears, and he was gently headbutting my hand through the mesh as I continued. "Don't you feel it? There's a whole ARMY of kitties and bridge kitties and hoomans behind us, in this car. They're purring us forward, honey, and we're ALL going to be with you. You're NOT alone and you're not going to be. I'm going to be with you until the very, very last moment so don't you be afraid."

I TRULY did feel the energy of friends and kitties purring for, and thinking of, us ... knowing what time my appointment was and .... mentally and emotionally in sync with us.

Now I will confess (if that's the right word) that I am a full-fledged atheist, but I do believe that you can feel positive energy from loved ones, and all during the rest of that journey I felt it everywhere around us and was so grateful and overwhelmed.

I got there and my girlfriend, Jo Vereen, was already there waiting for me. She'd taken a sick day from work to be with me & support me because she didn't want me going through this alone.

Dr. Brigham was going to send Feisal to The Bridge, as Dr. Lofgren was doing house calls that morning. Basically, he gave him a big dose of anesthesia so he would be relaxed, then I asked, "Can we have a few minutes?"

"Sure, take all the time you need. Just poke your head through the door when you're ready."

I cried into his fur, told him I loved him and that my hand would be on his body the whole time, he'd hear my voice, smell my scent. I wished him a safe journey, told him his beloved wifey, Zilla, was going to need him as her guardian angel now, and that she loved him very, very much.

I wanted to then say something, so I recited my favorite W. H. Auden poem:

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good."

Then I opened the door, Dr. Brigham came in and Jo & I bid him goodbye, our eyes filled with tears, while he helped him to the Bridge.

It was over so quickly and easily, quietly and gently. He'll be coming back home sometime during the middle of this week. They'll take a paw print and put that on the box that will hold his ashes, and clip some of his beautiful ticked Aby fur for me to keep in the box too.

Dr. Brigham gave me a BIG hug and was so sweet and wonderful. Then Jo and I prepared to leave and I walked out of the exam room, and looked behind me one more time. Kinda like Lot's wife, I guess, I couldn't help it. Suddenly my stoicism just fell away and I felt my face dissolve in tears and I went back and buried my face in his fur and cried while Dr. Brigham stood quietly behind the exam table, just being a gentle presence who understood. Finally, I told Feisal goodbye one last time and this time, I left without looking back but, when I got to the parking lot, Jo put her arms around me & I just lost it.

So.

I wanted to write about his last hours while it was all still fresh in my memory. I was trying to remember so much about them, imprint them on my mind. That was why I took Thurs. off. You don't get that time back again, ever, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world. Nothing could've prevented me from being there, and being there for & with him at the very end.

They're so very special, our cats, and each leaves his or her particular essence with us after they go to The Bridge. I'd like to think the Bridge story is true, for us and for our kitties. He's with Torrie and Kukla now, if it is, playing, whole, cured, beyond pain or discomfort.

He'll get some wings pretty soon.

Darling boy, Wild Man, nuthead ... the hole you leave is vast. Your ghost haunts your pet bed in the dining room. You're missed more than I can say but ... I'm glad you're where you are now beyond any physical pain. Your Dad & I and Drs. Lofgren and Brigham did all we could; we fought the lymphoma and YOU fought the lymphoma, HARD ... we just lost, that's all.

Thank you for 10 beautiful, funny, nutty, crazy years with you. I'd not trade them for ANY amount of money. If someone offered me a fortune but I couldn't have any memories of you, I'd throw them out on their ear.

I love you, my little ruddy boy. Rest you easy.

Love
MomKatt

 

Feisal's trip to The Bridge today @ 9:30 AM

August 26th 2011 4:49 am
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I am taking Feisal to Dr. Lofgren this morning at 9:30 to help him on his trip to The Bridge. It's been a very hard week for us, and this has been a very hard decision. Gary & I are both devastated but we know it's the right thing to do. I've only told a very few people prior to today, so please forgive me if some of the following two paragraphs are familiar to you. Most of you don't know the latest.

Simply put, we've run out of options. We fought, and we've lost. As of Tues., he was on the new chemo-type med for two weeks, and Dr. Lofgren had told me when he prescribed it for him to call & update him at that point as to whether it had had any positive effect on his poops or anything and ... it hasn't made any difference. If anything, he looks worse and he acts as if he feels worse. His hip bones are sticking out, though he's eating everything I give him, and I'm willing to bet he's down from the 7 lb mark he was at two weeks ago. He is finding it very hard to sit down comfortably and watching him "go" just tears my heart out. It LOOKS painful.

Dr. L says the longer this goes on, the more he's convinced we're dealing with intestinal lymphoma and not IBS. But Feisal's father (Parvenu) had it & was put to sleep at age four (he strained himself so hard his colon popped out, so Mike immediately took him to the vet to be euthanized because, at that point, she realized there was nothing that could be done to help him.) Feisal's already outlived Parvenu by 6 years & I don't want something similar to happen to him. It's not the quality of life my boy deserves, nor the one I want for him any longer than necessary. We've had 10 good years together and I have to be happy with that. And I am ... but you always want more.

So, at 9:30 this morning, please spare a thought and some purrs for us both. My girlfriend, Jo Vereen, is meeting me at Dr. L's (Gary can't go - he's so swamped at work he just can't) so I don't have to do this by myself. I've promised that Feisal will say hello to all your Bridge kitties and, of course, I know Torrie & Kukla are up there waiting for him.

Thank you for all your support throughout this, your Emails, thoughts, prayers, purrs, etc.

I know how generous all the CCLs are and, if you are so moved that you want to do something in his memory, a donation to Siamese Rescue would be a nice thing to do.

The lines of my favorite W. H. Auden poem keep running through my head this morning:

"He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good."

He had a good night last night, he got some of his favorite Wilderness Chicken gooshy food this morning and he's getting a LOT of love nearly every minute otherwise. His Aunt Stacey came by last night to say goodbye (thank you again, Stacey), and ... his voyage with the Ferryman will be as gentle and easy as I and Dr. L can make it.

Safe journey, my Wild Man. I'll be there with you 'til the last bloody minute, my hand on your body, my voice in your ear, my scent surrounding you. I love you so much.

 
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FEISAL (R.I.P. 26 AUGUST 2011)


 

Family Pets

MORTICIA
SHARIF
1996-2012
LIVIA 2000 -
2013
SASHA
KUKLA (R.I.P.
21 JUNE, 2001)
OLIVER
TORRIE (R.I.P.
16 March 2010)
BOUDICCA
PEPPERS
SELINA

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