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My Human is Such a Sucker

What was Mom Thinking?

February 19th 2009 9:23 pm
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The human slave has been saying for a long time she's having "job trouble", which makes no sense to me. While she is lax in feeding Maya and I at times, she is a perfectly acceptable slave and I have no plans of firing her so I cannot understand why she would think her job is in any kind of trouble. I think she might have been talking about a job other than caring for me and Maya since she insists she needs this thing called a paycheck in order to buy our food and litter for the litter box and toys. Whatever. As long as I don't go hungry and she knows never to move me when I'm comfortable, I don't care what she does on her own time.

Mom did get a job working at somewhere called Walmart in October but I guess they were not paying her enough to be able to buy us everything we rightly deserve. A friend of hers offered the human slave the spare room in her house in exchange for the slave paying her share of expenses and the slave agreed.

'I hope this won't interfere with my naps,' I thought as I lay half awake on the back of the futon. 'I hate it when my naps are interrupted.' Unfortunately, the human decided to do just that on November 30th. Maya and I were rudely disturbed from our comfortable napping spots and put in the slave's bedroom. Before we could react, the door was closed on us and for the next several hours we tried to hide away from the strange bumps and slams and strange smells from the two strangers she dared to bring into the apartment. Even more terrifying was when she and the strangers came into the slave's room and began removing things *while we were still in there*! Truly terrifying, I assure you. Finally, it was all over and Maya and I were shoved into a carrier and several hours later we were carried into a place that smelled really, really, really strange and put into a room with the slave that was a lot smaller than where we had been and it smelled weird, too.

The next day, the male strange person, the slave, and someone the strange male knew moved big stuff into the slave's room and we were really scared they would drop it on us and squish us and that it would hurt a lot. Thankfully, they did not drop anything on us and we hid under the bed to be safe (under the bed is always safe from anything, including really evil things like vacuum cleaners).

Things were pretty boring, having to stay in that small space for days and days and days. The slave would not let us leave the room because she did not want us meeting the cats who lived there yet. I didn't understand why she wanted to wait on me telling them who their new boss was, but she has thumbs and I do not so I was forced to comply with the slave's wishes. If there was not a good reason she was keeping us trapped, I was definitely going to poop in her shoes--repeatedly.

It did not take long after she finally allowed us to roam that I was confronted with the fact the natives, instead of welcoming me, did not take kindly to my presence and I have been forced in the two months since then to defend myself against their unwarranted hostilities toward myself. What is their problem with me sitting at the top of the stairs, blocking them from going up or down? All they need to do is tell me how great I am and I would let them pass without a problem but none of them will do this. Is it my fault I have no choice but to continue to block their way?

The worst are Aku and Dom, the males at the top of the local clowder. Aku is old and cranky and mean to pretty much everyone except Morgan and Ptera, so I guess he's just mean by nature (though he's nice enough to the slave and the two strange humans). Dom is younger and I have no choice but to give him a hard time because he picks on Maya for no reason and picking on her is MY job. She's such a wuss that she just runs whenever Dom comes near ner. I've tried to tell her to stand her ground because running only makes him want to chase you but she never listens. I give Ptera the cold shoulder because she's nice to Dom, which has gotten me scolded by the slave for not playing nice. Too bad. When Ptera comes to her senses, I'll be nice with her but until then I want nothing to do with her.

Mom's kinda upset with me because I'm apparently being so mean to the other cats and she says I was never like this before. Oh, I was like this before; I just haven't had a reason to act like this since I adopted her. She says I'm getting better. Whatever. I'm nicer to the foster kittens than Maya is, but I've been known to hiss at them now and again (another thing the slave doesn't like me to do).

The slave and her friend say I'm calmer and don't get in as much trouble when I'm downstairs so she tries to remember to bring me with her when she does downstairs.

It's time for me to bathe again and resume napping.


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Sam Clemens


Family Pets



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