10 Weeks

It has been 10 weeks since Sally Maria left for the Bridge. 10 weeks of not being able to hold my girl, of not being able to hear that wonderful purr of hers or her squeaky little meow. 10 weeks since I said good bye to my best friend.

I miss my little girl so much...

Thank you all for the sweet rosies and pmails for Sally's birthday. It was such a difficult day for me, coming less than a month after she left us. I know everyone here has suffered through the loss of a pet and your words of kindness and sympathy mean so much to me. If anything, I find it hurts more now than it did back then. The numbness has faded but the pain and the grief still remain.

I am so fortunate that her last moments with us were exactly how I'd hoped they'd be. My girl definitely knew how much we loved her and I think there was a sense of relief on her part, that she was glad that we were helping her to the Bridge so that she could finally be at peace. I have no regrets, no doubts, no guilt. At last Sally knows what it feels like to be healthy with no limitations or restrictions. I'm glad the pain is mine and not hers to bear.

But there is such an emptiness in my heart and such a void in my life. I am trying so hard to be happy for Skyler's sake, and for my husband and Trinity and Emily. They just want me to be happy again so I do what I can so they think I am. The tears still come every day but I save them for when I'm alone. I know my wounds are still fresh and that, in time, they will heal. But now they're just open, raw and angry.

I've decided that I'm going to wait to get another kitty. As much as I miss having one of my own, if I adopted one now, I would just be trying to find another Sally and that's not fair to me or to her memory. My life will always have cats in it, but right now I need some more time. One day I'll be ready to open my heart to a new furry friend, but not now.

Thank you again, all of you, for all your words of encouragement, love and support. They have gotten me through some pretty rough times, just as they did when Sally was here. Each and every one of you has a very special place in my heart and I am grateful to have you in my life.

Love & Hugs,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi

For The Birthday Girl...

Sally Maria’s mama here…

It’s been 26 days since my little girl became an angel.

Tomorrow would have been her 17th birthday. For the first time in 16 years, I won’t be singing “Happy Birthday” to her as soon as I get up. We won’t be going for a celebratory walk outside. I won’t be getting her chicken for dinner. It will be up to her new angel friends at the Bridge to help her celebrate.

It hurts so much to not have her here. While I am happy to know that I spared her any further pain and suffering, I had no idea that it would be this hard. I have cried every day since September 29th, which is the day my husband and I made the decision to help her to the Bridge. I am surprised that I haven’t felt any of the guilt that I always thought I would feel – “I should have done this…” or “I shouldn’t have done that…” – but I was in no way prepared for the crushing emptiness and loneliness I have felt since letting her go. The mornings are the hardest. Between my husband leaving for work and Skyler getting up, there is “girls time”. I spend 20-30 minutes every morning on the couch with a blanket either reading or playing on the computer and my girls snuggle with me. Sally was always there for “girls time”, even on the mornings she didn’t feel good she would move a little closer and purr her loud, rusty purr. I would do just about anything to be able to hear that sound again, to see her sweet face, to hold her little paw… I haven’t been able to put many of her things away. Her electric blanket is still in front of the fireplace, her pill bottles (now empty) still sit on the counter next to her pill shooter. Her comb still sits on the table with the fur from her last combing in it. I guess it’s a way of keeping her near.

Her little memorial area is coming along. I’ll post the pictures on her page but it’s still a work in progress. I’ve ordered a shadow box kit so I can keep safe the beautiful towel that Sky’s mommy embroidered for me. I have her last collar along with her lock of fur, paw print and the pretty picture collage that Jazzi Angel’s mommy had made for me. Sitting in the middle of it all is the beautiful little cedar box with my baby girl’s ashes inside. I’m not sure yet if this is what I want her to be in permanently, but it’s okay for right now. On the wall above everything is the paw print we made on her last night with us and a picture taken of her on her last day. I am in love with that picture. When I look at it, her expression says, “It’s okay mama. I’m at peace.” I made a copy of it for my desk at work and I happen to know that the other copy I made is sitting on Dr. Hansche’s desk so she can keep him company when he makes his calls and does his paperwork.

I have finally been able to read all of the pmails, rosies and comments that she received when she left for the Bridge. A simple “thank you” doesn’t cover how touched I am by all the love and support you all have shown us. I feel I have to hide my tears from my friends and family because they just don’t understand the depth of the loss that I feel, but I know my fellow Catsters do. That’s why we’re all here, because we share a common love and devotion to our furbabies. I have cried and ached along with others when it was their turn to let go. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for being here for me and Sally, for reaching out and sharing both the good times and bad. You guys mean the world to me.

I can never thank you enough for the comments, pmails and rosies but words are all I have so THANK YOU to Riley-Wiley, Rufus, Misha Angel, Gracie, Murray, Jezebel, Milo, Murder, Skids Kitty, Sissy, Chef Rooster, Alfie, Calvin, Novi, Tyler (Boombastic Angel), Hazel Lucy, Tigger, the family of Big Harry, Patches and Zack, the family of Junior Fluffkins, Tethys Fluffkins, Jake and Samantha, the family of Alex the Angel, Ray, Busby and Toot Suite, the family of Angel Princess, Angel Smokey, Cassie and Sassy, the family of Adam Dylan and Eve Layla, the family of Kaci Sunshine, Miss Mittens, Abby, Jennifer and Pete, the family of Ko, Taz, Jacob and Flinders, the family of Murray, Willie, Pearl and Cindy Lou, the family of sweet Angel Alex, Lacey and Finney, the family of Scooter, Lola, SooLing, Ashlynne and Beepers, the family of Misha, Angel Marrakech, Samsara and Colette Sidonie-Samantha, the family of Timmy Tomcat, Toby Tomcat, Buddy Tomcat, Inky and Little Guy, the family of Alex, Annie Angelpants and Bugsy, the family of Snickers, Kitty, Baby and Sammy, the family of Miss Sable-Kitty, Max, Charley, Max & Diamond Lil, the family of Buddie, McKenna, Cash and Gibbs, the family of Ashley, Callie and Tony, the family of Blade, Tigga, Rufus and Pepsi, the family of Torbjorn, Onyx, Jasper, Severian and Victoria, the family of Dusty the DogCat, Rocket Sprocket and Shady, Baby-G and Little-One, the family of Moozer, Punkin, Spot, Sealegs and Bobcat, the family of Teebo, Callie and Rose, the family of Pinkie, Biggles, Nonny, Buddy and Fluffy, the family of Bella, Orange Ruffy, Smokie-boo and Natalie the NatCat, the family of Ava, Andy, Arli, Augie and Lilah, Timo Katze, Callie, Balty, Bobcat Fluffy Angel, Hooch, Peaches, Trouser, The Olde Furts, Scooter PAWS, Angel Amelia, Rascal, Freckles, Augie, Sky, Myrfyn, Cleo, Edwina, Da Tabbies O Trout Towne, Serena Honey Girl Angel, Alexander, Nala Sue Angel, Rebby, Gentleman Jack, Tink the Cat, Wyatt James, Sammie, Harley.

Thank you all for loving my little girl. She was one in a million, a little furry angel sent here to share her life and love with me. I am so grateful to have shared 16 ½ wonderful years with her. There will always be cats in my house, but there will never be another Sally Maria.

Hugs,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi

She's Gone

Sally Maria's mama here. Just wanted to let you all know that she had a very peaceful, gentle crossing.

Our day was quiet. Sally was very interested in getting attention, more so than usual. She got lots of pets, loves and rubs with a couple of sessions with the baby brush. About 1:00, I made her a snack of last night's Popeye's chicken and then she decided that she wanted to go outside (which surprised me). We spent a few minutes on the patio during which I kept trying to get her picture, but she kept moving closer to me so I couldn't focus on her. I finally got a couple of shots which turned out surprisingly good.

Her appointment was at 3:00. They took us back to their "quiet room" and Dr. Hansche came in. He said that every once in a while, he'd fall in love with one of his patients and Sally Maria was one of those. He thanked me for taking such good care of her and for choosing him to be her vet. My husband and I had her on the couch between us, wrapped in her favorite birdie blanket. Sally jumped a bit when the sedative went in but quieted quickly and we said our goodbyes. Then Dr. Hansche came back in and gave her the second shot. She was gone before he was done with it. He gave me a lock of her fur, both black and white, from right behind her ear - my second favorite place to kiss. He gave me a hug as he left the room. The whole thing took only 20 minutes.

I have no second thoughts, no doubts or regrets. Sally had grown so weak and frail, it was painful just to watch her walk across the room. We wanted to let her go before she began to suffer. I knew this would be hard, but had no idea of the pain I'd be feeling. Coming home and not seeing her on her heated blanket in front of the fire place was like a knife in the heart. I just can't fathom the idea of never seeing her again. My husband said he feels lost. He was Sally's "man" for 11 years and loves her about as much as I do. Trinity knows that something is wrong and is hiding under the bed. I know that the pain will lessen in time but that doesn't help right now. Right now, I just want my baby back. I want to hold her and hear that loud, raspy purr. I'd give anything to be able to kiss her little forehead again.

My girl is gone and she took a big piece of my heart with her.

Thank you so much for all the kind words, comments, pmails and rosies. It hurts to much to read them right now but I can feel the love and sympathy behind them all. Thank you for loving my sweet girl.

Hugs & tears,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi

See You Later...

My friends, I am leaving for the Bridge today.

At my last vet appointment in June, Dr. Hansche told mama that my lymphoma was starting to move faster and that he didn't know how much longer I had. He said that the most important things were to keep me eating and comfortable. He said that I would continue to lose weight as the cancer cells spread throughout the walls of my intestines and made it harder and harder for my body to absorb the calories and nutrients it needs from the food I eat. He told mama to take me home and love me and when I was ready to leave, he'd be there to help me on my way.

For a few weeks after my appointment, I continued to have good days and bad. Just when mama would get worried, I'd rebound (as usual) and she'd catch a glimpse of the old me in my eyes. Then, about 4 weeks ago, I started looking very frail. My back legs are very weak and don't support me very well. Mama started seeing "poo puddles" every day in my litter box, not a good sign at all. My spine and hips are very prominent, so much so that mama can't use the comb or the brush on me anymore. She uses Skyler's baby hair brush and I like it a lot, although not as much as my comb. I don't want to go outside, all I want to do is stay on my heated blanket. Mama and man talked about me and came to the conclusion that it's time for me to go to the Bridge. Over the last couple of days, I've really declined, which just
makes mama certain that her decision is right.

I'm very tired. And weak. I purr when mama and man love on me and talk to me, but that seems to be the only enjoyment I get out of life anymore. My time has come and I'm ready to go. Dr. Hansche will make sure that my journey is as peaceful and gentle as possible.

Don't feel sad friends. I have had a long, wonderful life with people who love me very much. I've outlived my prognoses
more times than I can count. Average lifespan after a lymphoma diagnosis is 18-24 months. I made it for 41 months, almost half of that out of remission. I am sad to be leaving my mama and man, my Riley Wiley and all my wonderful friends but I'm excited to get to the Bridge and see some old friends again - my guardian angels Tigger and Abby, Miss Mittens (my sister in cancer), Scootie and Lola, Jazzi and CK, Calvin, Emily Felicity, Arnold P, Misha and Molly, Dusty and Rocket and Shady, Tyler, Buddie, Hazel Lucy, Taffy, Dougal, Cole, Zack, Sheppy and Jo-Jo, Rufus and Bobcat, Wally and Alfie, Adam Dylan, handsome Alex, sweet girl Alex, Minxy and Freckles, and so many more. I am
ready for a life free from illness and discomfort. I'm ready to fly.

Eventually, I plan to come back and be a guardian angel so I can help other kitties the way that my guardian angels have helped me. It might take me a while to find my "voice", so until then know that I'm watching out over all of you and hoping you all stay healthy and happy. Thank you for all the love and support you've shown mama and I over the last 3 1/2 years. You have helped us through many a dark time and we will always be grateful. If you could spare a purr or two for my mama, I'd really appreciate it. She is having a really hard time with this. She knows in her head that she's made the right choice, but her heart hurts so much.

Good bye for now. I'll see you all later some day.

Love & tired purrs,
Sally Maria =^.^=

Merry Christmas!

Hello my friends! Merry Christmas! I hope everyone's day was full of love, family and treats!

I'm still hanging in there, no better but no worse. Mama is having trouble getting me to eat my dry food. I go through these periods every so often where I just stop eating my crunchies. My appetite is still there, I can gobble up Fancy Feast and treats like crazy, but the dry food that mama leaves out for us all day goes largely untouched. If I don't start eating better, mama said she's going to see if another brand will work. I'm too thin so I can't afford too many days of not eating well.

Guess what I got today? TURKEY!! Mmmmmm..... I just love fresh turkey. Mama and man brought a whole bunch home for me from grandma (she always sends me the leftovers). Mama made a plate for me and I licked it clean.

Can you live on turkey? I'd sure like to find out!

I hope all my friends are doing well and got lots of treats and prezzies from Santa Claws today. And lots of love from their families and loved ones. We love you all so very much and want to send you all our love and purrs and hopes for a wonderful holiday season.

Love and Merry Purrs,
Sally Maria =^.^=


PS - A special thank you to "anonymous" for my heart rosie and the sweet note that came with it. That kind of care is the reason we love Catster so much! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Friends, it’s that time of year again, when we all stop and think for a minute about what we’re thankful for.

I am thankful that I am still here! I’m still stable, things are status quo. My health isn’t great but it isn’t horrible either so I am extremely grateful to still be around this year.

I am thankful for my loving mama and man. They take such good care of me and are a big part of the reason WHY I’m still alive.

I am thankful for my wonderful family. Everyone, even Emily, makes me happy I’m still here. Things have been different since baby Skyler joined the family at the beginning of the year and he has squished me (mama says accidentally) a couple of times but I don’t mind him being around. He has lots of nice blankies that he’s willing to share with me so he can’t be that bad! MOL…

I am thankful for all my furtastic Catster friends. I know I’ve said it many times before but your love and support has helped us through some dark times. I love each and every one of you. You guys are the greatest!

I am thankful for TURKEY! Nothing gets me moving faster than a big old pile of grandma’s freshly made turkey! Mmmmm…. I can almost taste it! As much as I profess my love for Popeye’s Chicken, turkey is still my number one favorite, paws down. Grandma always sends home lots of it, so much so that mama freezes most of it so I can have turkey whenever I want. Ahhhh….

I hope all my Catster friends have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! May your day be full of as many treats and as much love as possible! Sending rusty purrs, big hugs and all the love in my little heart to you all!

Love & Thankful Purrs,
Sally Maria =^.^=

JUST MARRIED!

Hello my friends! Yes, it's true. Riley and I eloped! We had such a wonderful time. The whole experience was magical. I am so proud to be Mrs. Riley Wiley!!

Riley's momma wrote the story of our elopement for us:


"As most of you know, my Sally Maria and I have been engaged for some time…. (I don’t remember the actual date I proposed….sorry sweetie!), but it was during an Olde Furts outing and we had all been staying in the cave near our beloved Pie’s Breakfast Club gathering room. Heehee! I think I really surprised my Sally Maria when I folded my paws down to her and held out the ring and asked her to marry me! She said yes…of course! ☺ We talked it ofur and decided that we wanted to elope and have an adventure together!

I have been trying to come up with an original, romantic and fun wedding ceremony for MONTHS! I finally decided on a true medieval theme wedding. I wore a white flowing shirt, velvet waistcoat with silver embroidering and a blue and black velvet cloak with black pants and riding boots.

My lovely Sally Maria wore a medieval dress with elaborate green, purple and gold with a wine red velvet cloak that she took off after she was presented and before she walked down the “aisle”. You see, we had our wedding in the beautiful forests of Northern California. Sally Maria’s furrmily lives in CA, but not up North. We decided on nature as our church and had a lovely older lady-cat from the forest help us say our vows to each other and officiate at the most impawrtent event of our nine lives! She did a purrfect job of it and we will be furrever grateful to have been honored by a forest cat. Our officiator’s name is Daru and she actually lives in those Northern California woods!

The wedding was beautiful, after which we had our celebratory dinner there in the forest with all of Daru’s clan sharing our feast! We ate our food medieval style - no forks or spoons. One plate and a knife was all the guests had with a yummy buffet finished off with fresh fruit and catmint and catnip wedding cake!

My Sally Maria and I found a spot where a log in the shape of a rainbow had been strategically placed among a bed of flowers. This is where our wedding photos were taken and when we get them back from the forest clan, we will share them wif all of you!

We then decided to take a nice walk and after about 1/2 hour of strolling, we meandered down to a cold stream for a drink of water and rest. I didn’t know that Daru had organized a surprise for us! There stood a white horse and a carriage decked out with flowers, waiting for us to take a ride around the forest!

My puurty Sally Maria put on a big grin, pauses, says "Cool!" and happily hops into the carriage. I joined her and we road off through the cool Northern California forest. The forest clan members were present, placed here and there throughout the forest to cheer and clap their paws fur our happiness!

We saw interesting plants, flowers, and lots of fish in the streams. I could hardly take my eyes off my wonderpurr bride; she was so delighted and lovely! Afterward, we headed back to the forest clan’s home to spend the night celebrating. They had all dressed up in medieval costumes and had decorated the area to look like the medieval period. We had a wonderful time! There was MORE food, the horse and driver were there and the pawrty got purrty rowdy, just like the REAL medieval times!

I wanted to give Sally Maria a story that she would be excited about telling, one that she would be telling for the rest of her life. She was in her glory that day and I am proud and happy to be her fur-husband and her furrever love!

Thank you all fur your continuing love and support of both of us…we are the happiest couple on Catster. Although it might have been nice to have our furriends from Catster and our furrmilies, we know we did the right thing in eloping and spending time wif our NEW furriends, the forest clan of the Northern California woods!"


I love my Riley so much! He my best friend. We love going exploring and hunting for mousies and lizards. We talk for hours and hours about everything under the sun. When I found out that my lymphoma was back, I told him that I wanted to be with him forever and ever so we decided that it was high time to make things official.

I am the happiest girl kit on Catster!! I couldn't wait to get back and share our news with all our friends!

Love & Purrs of Wedded Bliss,
Sally Maria (aka Mrs. Riley Wiley)

LOTS Of Thanks & A Little Update

Wow... That's all I can say....

I am totally overwhelmed by the love and well wishes from my furriends for my birthday last week. You guys really know how to make a girl feel special!

Big hugs and purrs of thanks to:

*Jazzi Sunshine Angel, Sissy & CK
*Hazel Lucy
*Scooter, Soo-Ling, Lola, Ashlynne & Beepers
*Kaci, Miss Mittens, Abby, Jennifer, Pete & Callie
*Arnold P
*Misha Angel & family
*Mr. Sam
*Finney, Lacey & Angel Alex
*Wilson J Scooter, Morty Angel Kitty, Hallie Baloo
*Angel Nala Sue
*Adam Dylan, Eve Layla & family
*Angel Rufus
*Edgar, Emily Felicity & family
*Tigger
*Freckles
*Dusty the DogCat, Rocket Sprocket & Shady
*Buddie, McKenna, Gibbs, Cash & family
*Jezebel
*my Riley Wiley (my soon to be furhusband!)

My birthday was pretty quiet. It was very warm and sunny so I got a couple of nice naps in some primo spots of sun. Mama and man made sure that I had my favorite dinner - Popeye's Chicken! I made sure to eat as much as possible, two whole strips. Mama called me a little piggy. Ahhhhh.....

Mama honestly never believed that we'd never see this day. For most of my life, she didn't think I'd make it past my 10th birthday. Then she started to think I might be around for a while longer but then the lymphoma crashed my party and she was convinced I wouldn't live to see 14. She says that every day with me is a blessing and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole world.

How am I doing? Eh, about the same. I have good times and bad times. I seem to be stable for the most part. I still spend lots of time by the water bowl, my poopies are still big and soft. My appetite is still pretty good and I can get around okay although I'm pretty wobbly. I spend most of my time on my quilt in front of the fireplace. Sometimes (like tonight) I follow mama around the house, helping her do things. Mostly I like to be quiet and not bothered by anyone, but that doesn't mean that I don't like to snuggle or cuddle anymore. Mama and I have stopped sleeping together on the floor (too cold!) but she sleeps on the couch and I'm just an arms length away on my blanky. We just try to make the best of the time we have together.

So, that's it. Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me! My Catster furriends are the best present of all! I love you guys and I hope you have a nice snuggly night with your loved ones.

Love & Sweet Sixteen Purrs,
Sally Maria =^.^=

Is My Glass Half Empty Or Half Full?

I'm not sure....

Some days, mama feels like the end of our journey together is very close. Other days she feels as if I will be around for a while longer.

I am a little over a month away from my 16th birthday. We never thought I'd make it this far. Is it luck? Or is it stubborness? Probably a combination of the two.

Mama hasn't wanted to write in my diary because she felt like she'd sound like a broken record. Some days are good and some aren't. We tried to change my diuretic to Spirolactone to see if it would be easier on my kidneys. No change. So mama tried stopping my diuretic altogether. No change. We tried the Budesonide for my tummy to see if it would help ease the swelling and inflammation. It hasn't helped any. Mama has decided to stop all my meds except for the two I take for my heart.

I'm doing okay. I sleep a lot and sometimes I don't want to be around my family, but for the most part I'm still enjoying life and my favorite things - being combed, going outside and laying in the sun. Mama knows that when I no longer seek these things out, then I'm done fighting.

I'm a little girl but I've always had a king sized purr, especially when mama pets and loves on me. There have been a couple of times lately when mama hasn't been able to get me to purr when she scratches my chin chin and rubs my ears. She knows it's because I don't feel good and it makes her very sad. She told me that one of the things she'll miss most about me is my purr. Over the years, it has cured her insomnia, stopped her tears when she was upset, calmed her when she was under stress. She says my purr always brings a smile to her face and heart.

We are trying to live for the moment and not think too hard about our future. I will be going back to see Dr. Hansche in the next week or two as I am due for some blood work and my weight needs to be checked.

I just wanted to check in with you all. We love our Catster friends very much. Take care of yourselves. Lots of love and purrs to you all!

Love & Steadfast Purrs,
Sally Maria =^.^=

Good Bye Sweet Furriend...

I am heart broken. My sweet furriend Miss Mittens made her journey to the Bridge this morning. She had been bravely fighting lymphoma for almost two years and, more recently, kidney disease. She had been feeling very bad the last couple of days so this morning, her wonderful mommy helped her to end her discomfort and started her on her journey.

Mittens and her mommy were some of the first people we met on Catster. They were very supportive when I was first diagnosed with lymphoma and have been with us through all my ups and downs. We know that Mittens' mommy loved her very much and is now very sad that she had to let her go.

Furriends, if you could purr a little extra for Miss Mittens and her mommy, I'd really appreciate it. Mittens' path and mine have been very similar lately (mama liked to say that we were long lost sisters) so this loss hurts a little bit more than others. Please purr with me for this beautiful new angel and her devastated mommy who will miss her so much.

Love & Purrs of Loss and Sadness,
Sally Maria =^.^=

PS - Mittens' page is http://www.catster.com/cats/497651. Thank you dear furriends.