1 year ago today

I can't believe it's been a year as of today that you crossed the bridge. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and miss you terribly! You were my bedtime kitty and you were always there, right next to my head. You purring would help me sleep. I miss you so much!!! Life just isn't the same without you and I don't think there's been a night where I've been able to slept without waking up. I know I took you for granted and it's still hard to believe that you're gone. I miss you Stormy and I always will!!!!!

It's your birthday Stormy

and I miss you so much! You would have been 10 today. In 3 weeks you will have been gone a year already. It's just not the same without you!

I hope you're celebrating your birthday at the bridge with all the bridge kitties today.

Happy Birthday Stormy! I love you!

6 months today

It's been 6 months as of today that you crossed the bridge. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I still miss you so much and I don't think that will ever change. I miss you the most at night when I can't sleep. You were always there to keep me company and would just purr and purr so I'd have something to listen to. Things were much more peaceful when you were around. All the kitties knew that your spot was right next to my head and they would find their own spot for the night. Now there's constant fighting as to which one would get to your spot first. Of course they play musical kitties now...meaning they take turns and I find different kitties in your spot each time I wake up. They fight for your spot and I often get caught in the cross fire of their fighting and I usually come out of it with a few war wounds from the claws. Things are definitely different but we're dealing with it. I miss you so much Stormy and I can't wait to see you again. I love you Stormy Girl and I always will!

17 Weeks

It's been 17 weeks since I crossed the bridge. I know mom still misses me and I miss her. She thinks of me often and wonders if it's ever going to get easier. Everything reminds her of me but things just aren't the same. Snow sure is a lover and tries to keep her company. She knows we'll be reunited again some day. I know I was so loved and will never be forgotten. Love you and miss you so much!

I'm one of the DDP picks today!

Yay!!!! Thank you Catster for selecting me as one of today's DDPs!!!

Today marks 8 weeks since I crossed the bridge. Time goes by so fast. Things aren't improving at home and mom misses me. I watch over her and I'm sure she knows it. I sent mom a present yesterday although most would not consider it one.

Mom goes and feeds the stray cats where we used to live. One of the torti cats (like me) meets mom every morning. Mom calls her Honey. Honey had babies about 3-4 months ago and Honey showed mom 3 of them about 1.5 months ago. There's 2 black and 1 orange. Mom hasn't seen the kittens in about 4.5 weeks now. Honey disappeared almost 3 weeks ago and the other day, mom found one of Honey's black kittens dead in the road. So she pulled the kitten off the road. Poor thing.

Yesterday, I sent Honey back to mom when she went to put the food out. Honey came hopping up on 3 legs. So mom went up to her and picked her up for a few seconds. Honey wanted food. Honey was holding up her back left leg and it was limp. So mom put food down for Honey and got a cat carrier put together and shoved Honey into it and took her to the vet. X-rays show she has a fractured pelvis. It looks like the pelvis is twisted back to front (or vice versa). Her pelvis isn't shattered, it's just fractured and twisted around.

Mom has 3 options. Spend a fortune on a surgery to straighten out her pelvis and maybe she'd still never be able to walk on it, let it heal as is and have Honey jump around on 3 legs for the rest of her life or put her to sleep. Option 3 isn't an option for mom. Honey came back for a reason. If she was gonna die, she would've died already in the last 2.5 weeks. So mom's gonna call the specialist and go show him the x-rays and see what he says. Mom will go from there.

Right now, Honey is resting in a cat bed in a large wire cage with plenty of food and water. Mom put a mink blanet over the sides of the cage to keep the other cats from bothering her.

The vet ladies told mom yesterday afternoon how feral Honey is. She's not feral towards mom. She comes running every time she sees mom, talks to her all the time, rubs up against mom, lets mom pet her, etc. When the vet ladies brought Honey out in the carrier, they set the carrier down and talked to Honey. Honey didn't make a peep. Then mom walked up to the carrier and said Hi to her and she started meowing up a storm and tried to stand up (although she was coming off the sedative she was given earlier and was still groggy).

There's no way mom could put her to sleep although everyone else thinks she should. She's about 1.5 years old. Mom thinks she has age on her side and will be able to adjust to just about any situation at this stage of the game.

Seven Weeks Today

I can't believe it's been 7 weeks already since you left. I miss you. It's just not the same without you. I'm not counting the days anymore but I still count the weeks when Tuesday comes around. I'm sure I'll do that for awhile. There's no consistent bedtime kitty so every day I wake up, there's a different cat on the bed. I guess they can take turns now. You were my bedtime kitty and there will never be another one like you. I will always miss you and I think of you often. You are forever in my heart and no one can take you away from me there. I love you Stormy Girl!

Another Week Has Gone By

It's been 3 weeks since you left. Feels like it's been alot longer than that. I think about you every day and I miss you so much. The other cats are adjusting but there's alot of fighting between them when it comes to sleeping on the bed. Snow, Hemi, Tux, Princess and Tabby are usually the ones to jump on the bed when I lay down. So there's still a territory issue to be worked out and that's just going to take time. It's nerve racking because I always get caught in the cross fire with them. I miss the peaceful status of the way things were when you were alive.

On a good note though, I received a letter in the mail the other day and forgot all about it and opened it this morning. It was from Audra, the daughter of your former owners. Audra used to pet you and talk to you when you were their outdoor cat. Audra sent me a picture of her daughter Eden. Eden was born the day you died. How ironic that a life was born the day you died and it just happened to be one of your previous owner. So when one door closes, another one opens. I hope you're watching over little Eden and keeping her safe.

I love you Stormy and I always will. I just miss you so much!

Two Weeks Now

I miss you Stormy! It's been 2 weeks since you left and it seems like so much longer. I regret that I wasn't holding you when you took your last breath even though I know I was sitting at the counter right next to you. I was stroking your ear and talking to Joannie on the phone about you when you took your last breath. I feel guilty that you didn't have my full attention at that crucial moment. After you took your last breath and I was hysterical that you just died, Joannie was the one that told me to hold you for awhile. I wasn't thinking clearly then and I feel so guilty.

My friend Dave said that he thinks you had a stroke sometime over night which would explain your shakiness. You did have seizures all the time (one about every 20-30 seconds) and your head would jerk and then shake up and down. You had days where the seizures weren't as bad and then you had days where they happened all the time. When I was around when it happened, I always tried to pet your head, give you kisses and tell you it was ok. It did get worse over the years and they told me that something worse could come of them. Thinking that you had a stroke makes it easier to understand why you left. I'm just hoping that you didn't have cancer or an illness that I didn't know about or pay attention to signs if you gave me any. A stroke would be something I couldn't forecast or control and I know there's nothing I could do other than be with you.

I can't help thinking that it could have been an illness and I didn't pay attention to the signs. I know you lost alot of weight the year before last. You went from 8 pounds down to 5 in a year. I often thought to myself and even out loud to you that I thought you were really skinny. You vomited quite often towards the end and I didn't do anything about it. Deep down, I knew the end was coming but was just hoping I was paranoid. I wondered what I'd do when the time comes that I had to let you go. Could I do it...let them take your life away when the time came? You took all the decision making away from me and took that burden upon yourself. I guess you knew I was struggling with this and would have a hard time doing the right thing. You saved me from making those decisions and dealing with my conscience afterwards. You knew me too well. Your ultimate sacrifice was in saving me and not worrying about yourself. I really am glad that you waited for me and I was able to be with you until the end.

I wish you were still here. I just miss you so much and I always will. You'll always be my bedtime kitty and no one will ever take that away. I love you Stormy and thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I hope I never let you down! You are and forever will be in my heart and mind!!!

I Miss You Stormy!!!

It's been 12 days since you left. I still think about you all the time but the other cats are trying their hardest to keep me busy...whether it's making a mess for me to clean up or the hissing, growling, fighting, crying, etc keeping me yelling. At night though, it's when I miss you the most. It's just not the same without you. I miss what we had together! It was special!!!

I copied all the rosettes, stars and special gifts today and put them in several word documents. I also copied all the photo comments and diary comments that everyone made and put them in word documents as well. I'm going to print them out and put them in a binder and put them with your stuff on the mantle.

That was very thoughtful of everyone to take the time to send us rosettes, stars, special gifts and words of condolences as well as words of inspiration. It's amazing how complete strangers can take the time to think of us and my own family and friends barely even said a word, yet alone thought to send a card or pick up the phone and ask me how I'm doing. My pets are my family and they mean the world to me. When Stormy died, I lost a member of my family and not one of my friends or family cared to express any kind of sympathy. So, thank you to all the beautiful catster/dogster families that cared to take the time to think of me and my furr family! I really do appreciate it more than you will ever know!!!

It's Been A Week

It's been a week since Stormy left me. At this time a week ago, we were still sitting out on the swing having the sun shine down on us. Her breathing was very labored and her pupils were dialating and constricting. I just stroked her beautiful fur, watched her beautiful face, talked to her, gave her kisses and just held her. She was my baby and I miss her so much. At the bottom of the hour is when she took her last breath and crossed the bridge. Not a minute goes by that I don't think of her.

Sleeping at night without her is difficult at best and things will never be the same. The other cats in the house are trying to establish a new role now that Stormy is gone and they're just as confused as I am. I used to wake up and have a bed full of cats. Now, there might be 2 (Snow and Princess) but I usually find them at my feet.

I never realized how much I counted on her. I took her and it for granted that she'd be there for many many more years. I never imagined that when the time came, I'd only have 6 hours to spend with her and say goodbye. I really am grateful that she waited for me before she made that journey. I just wish I could have or would have made things easier for her on her journey. Instead, I just held her and watched her go thru all the pain and torture. I know I was with her til the end but I wish that end didn't come so quickly.

Did I do the right thing? Could I or should I have done things differently? If I did, would she still be with me? I think I did the right thing but I feel so guilty for not doing anything other than watch her die. I keep thinking that her dying didn't really happen and that's it's just a story but then the harsh reality sets in so quickly to let me know that she really did die and she's never coming back.

I'll never see her beautiful face, never have her sleep by my side, never have her sneeze on my face when I'm not expecting it, never hold her again, never hear her meow, never have her rub her nose across my nose and never hear that beautiful purr of hers when she stayed by my side. Never is too long and very hard to swallow.

I miss you so much Stormy! I love you so much and I know you love me too. I can't imagine life without you and living it is even harder. I hope our time apart goes by quickly but I know that we'll be together again one day. I hope you don't have any regrets for chosing me as your human. I just wish I would've shown you more about how much you meant to me. I wish I would've brought you into the family 2 years sooner but I'm so grateful that we had the last 5 years together as a family. I was your one and only human and I hope I did right by you. In a few minutes it will be a week that you took your last breath. I'm so glad I was there with you! I love you Stormy with all of my heart and soul. I miss you so much!!! We will be together again one day...that I promise you and then we'll never be apart again!!!! I love you...my loyal kitty! Forever and always!