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my diary or whatever

We're practically lovers now.

I have friends who laugh at how much I love being with Bella. She's my ibuprofen, who takes my pains away and helps me sleep. When she lays beside me, it's impossible to get up because the coziness weighs me down like a big, thick down blanket. She's gotten so used to the attention that I lavish upon her and even seems to crave them.

It's kind of sick because I wonder if this just isn't another version of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, she didn't like the attention before but I kept "forcing" this love on her - by means of hugs, kisses and lots of petting - and, now, she craves it. I mean, she did NOT want anything to do with me on Day One and she probably started being sweet to me since I'm the one who feeds her and changes her litter, right? Am I an evil captor? My boyfriend reassures me that it's not S.S. when I didn't kidnap her or anything, haha.

Well, what I have given her is a cushy, well-fed and well-loved life away from homelessness, shelters, pounds and outside dangers. Still, I often feel like I could do better as a cat's mommy. That's right. I'm not a cat "owner". I'm her mommy :)

Ah, it tickles me tummy when she jumps on the bed and settles down against me, tucking in one paw and then the other, as she makes that gentle rustling sound that cats make when they "snuggle in". You guys know that sound. Lately, she's taken to laying in front of me so I can lavish all the attention she needs on her. One moment, my back is facing her, but she'll sometimes climb over to the front so I can pet her.

How can people not like cats? I just don't understand.

She's a completely different cat

That is, around me. Between Bella and me, there's a lot of love and she's always by my side. She's completely stopped scratching me and even puts up with all the annoying pick-ups and kisses.

My boyfriend of ten months is amazing with animals. Even those who claim to be good with cats and dogs have a hard time appealing to Bella. However, the first day they were acquainted, Bella was licking my new beau on the arm and letting him pet her. It didn't take long before she was purring and dozing off on his chest. You guys have no idea what a huge deal this is within the realm of Bella. She does not accept someone so easily. Yet, she adores my boyfriend and it touches me that he cares so much about her, too. Our neighbor's new girlfriend has been bringing her enormous dogs over to his place on a daily basis and one of them is a huge pit bull that should never be brought into a cramped apartment. When Bella was hiding under the bed and I couldn't find her, my boyfriend got panicky that she might be outside where the pit bull was and dashed out the door to find her.

When you get to know the side of her that isn't so shy and scared, you can't help but find her charming. She's so affectionate and always wants to love and be loved. I had wondered if I had gotten myself into something annoying when I was first taking care of her. Now I don't know what I'd do without her.

Love Love Love

She's really opening up to me now.

Yesterday, I was working on a paper. My desk is right next to the bed and I was typing away w/one knee on the edge of the bed.

She crept up and laid down with her back against my knee and softly purred as she rested her round little head on my lap. She would sometime roll her head back to blink contentedly into my eyes. It was love, love, love. It was like having a small child resting against me. It's always that way with her. Sometimes, I wonder if she's a small person in a fluffy cat suit.

I love to hold her marshmallow paws and gently press the soft pads. She used to snatch away when I did that but now she just ignores me when I do it.

Earlier today, she sat upright on the bed to stare into my face. So I leaned over to kiss her on the forehead and she sat perfectly still. I think she knows how much I adore her.