Meow Messages from the UES

I'm getting married.... well, maybe

May 15th 2006 5:53 am
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Well, it's official. I proposed to Mommy, and she said yes. I don't think I'm going to go through with the wedding though, because I think she gave more credit to Daddy and wants to marry him more. Here's the story and let me know what you think...

So last week, I was minding my own business, lounging around while Mommy was packing for a trip. All of a sudden, Daddy grabs me and has the audacity to put my collar on! Now don't get me wrong, my collar that Auntie got me is really cool (purple with rhinestone letters spelling my name, very Baby Phat!) but I absolutely hate wearing it. Who needs a collar when you're an indoor kitty? Anyway, I was very upset that he was putting this thing on me until he explained that I had a very important job to do. You see, he was putting a big diamond ring on my collar in hopes that Mommy would see it and wear it. I guess Daddy thought Mommy might want some bling as well. Apparently, I was asking her to marry me. I thought, well, that's not so bad! I love Mommy. It would be great to marry her. Plus, I wouldn't have to change my last name, because it's already the same as hers. So, I decided to go along with the plan and moped next to Mommy until she saw me wearing my collar. It worked! She bent down to talk to me and saw the ring! But then, see here's the bad part, Daddy stole the show! He took the ring and asked Mommy to marry him instead... and she said yes! I was very angry at first. He made me wear the collar, look all cute and get her attention, give her the ring, and then took away my spot light!

I guess the more I think about it, Mommy is best as a mommy and not as a wife. I mean, interspecies lesbian incest relationships are doomed to failure and Daddy is such a great guy. It would be nice to finally take his name and be a full family. So you know what? It's okay, Mommy. You go ahead and marry Daddy. My only request is that you give me extra hugs once in awhile. Meow.

 

Okay, what's going on???

October 7th 2005 6:16 am
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My life has completely turned upside down lately! Glad I have my charm and good looks still, because my life sure isn't the same as it used to be. First of all, I gained weight. The big man with the shiny silver table that pokes me a lot (mommy calls him “the vet”) told me I weigh ten pounds now! Ten pounds?? Wasn’t I the runt of the litter? I wanted to complain to sis Gilda, but I don’t want to seem like I’m showing off. I love her, but she’s a little… you know…. big boned. And speaking of sisters, do you know what happened in the last two weeks? Not only did I get separated from Gilda (I heard permanently!), I lost my other mommy, gained a daddy AND a stepsister! No lie!! You can’t make this stuff up, not even in a Danielle Cat-Steele novel! Mommy decided to move away and live with Uncle Joe, who will be Daddy Joe once he officially adopts me. Although, I told mommy that I don’t want to change my last name. I prefer being a Mattila. Anyway, just like that, I have a new sister! Freya was a huge (or should I say scrawny and sickly) nuisance for the first week. I couldn’t stand her!! She took my spot on the bed, tried to eat my food, stunk up the litter box… and there was nothing I could about it! Now that we’re in a new place together, I realized she’s pretty cool. She’s a lot of fun to play with, especially since she has no balancing skills or depth perception. It’s fun laying the smack down on her when she doesn’t know the proper stalking tactics. At first I was traumatized by all of this, but you know what? Life might be pretty good on 71st Street. I’ve got my mommy, who loves me dearly. I have my health, a new home, new furniture to snuggle on, and of course… I still have my charm and good looks! So, overall, I think this was a good life transition. I think I’ll stick around to see what happens next. Meow.

 

Diary Pick of the Day!! C List Celebrity!

July 26th 2005 9:32 am
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That’s right, I’ve made it! Mommy received a fabulous message today that I’m one of “today’s picks” for my diary entries! I think this is my big break. I was contemplating treating myself to a mani/pedi to celebrate, but then I remembered the following things:
- There is no monetary compensation for being a witty kitty on Catster, so I can’t pay for it.
- I don’t think the little Asian ladies down the street would actually want to paint my nails like they do for mommy.
In any case, I’m still very excited that my career is taking off. I think I’m going to go the Paris Hilton route and be famous for being pretty and not much else. I do have some hefty vocal cords, so I may try a singing career next. However, I could never leave my bread and butter: writing about myself! Thanks for reading to anyone who has taken the time to browse my entries! I’m very thankful to all of my adoring fans. I will never forget the little…um, errr, I mean big people/kitties!

 

Peanut Butter: My New Best Friend

July 22nd 2005 7:15 am
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I had a near death experience this morning! I was going about my business, hunting a dust bunny under the table when I felt this horrible knot in my tummy. I started wheezing and hacking uncontrollably, and I couldn't get the knot to go away. Apparently, I had what's called a "hairball". Very alarming! I struggled for a minute, looking to my sister for some guidance. The stupid fat ass just sniffed around me instead, wondering what was wrong. I’M CHOKING! That’s what’s wrong!! Oy. So, I see mommy come out of the room upon hearing my gurgling, and I gave her the most pleading look to save me from the torture. She ran over and grabbed a jar of Jiff from the kitchen. Jiff? What was she going to do with that, I wondered? Isn’t that the stuff that she puts on bread and eats? Before I know it, she’s holding me down and trying to shove it up my nose!! Okay, not up my nose as I originally suspected, just on it. So there I am, looking utterly silly with a hunk of brown stuff on my nose, and I run away to the corner to lick it off, embarrassed. I admit it’s not bad tasting, and by the time I was done cleaning my pristine little face, that hairball was gone! Then it hit me…. Mommy used this nifty Jiff stuff, I guess generically it’s called “peanut butter,” to help me get rid of the problem. Genius! My mommy rocks. I proceeded to let her pet me in appreciation and thanks for her assistance in my time of need. Gilda can kiss my peanut buttery butt, though. She was no help at all! A plague on her digestive tract! Meow!

 

No Meows for Grandma

June 28th 2005 6:06 am
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I have utterly confused my mommy. Normally, I am very talkative. Okay, I admit it; sometimes I have a problem shutting up. I have a tendency to chirp around the house for no particular reason. I just like the sound of my own meowing, I think. Mommy says I take after my late, great Uncle Freckle, who was well known to talk to walls back in the day. Anyway, I love talking to Uncle Joe, or as he calls it, "squeaking." I want to make sure that he hears me and that he is tempted to come over and pet me. So, here is the confusing part.... I never chirp for Grandma Mattila! She's a fabulous grandma, and every time we see each other, I want to be pet and cuddle with her. But, I don't make a peep when mommy is on the phone with her. They are completely confused by this! I have been tempted to visit a kitty therapist to dig up the reasons why I can't meow for grandma. I think it's performance anxiety, but I don't know! I shouldn't feel pressured to perfectly chirp for grandma, because she would never judge me... Maybe it's a deep down fear that I will never fully live up to the magnificent performances by the raspy and captivating Aunt Tigger or the echoing and memorable half yells from late Uncle Freckle. I guess I will never really know. I just hope that I can get over my fear and eventually let out an adorable squeak when grandma is on the phone.

 

Snuggles On Hold

June 15th 2005 12:55 pm
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So, I have decided to stop sleeping with mommy for now. No face snuggling, no spooning, nothing. Reason #1? No air conditioning! How dare she not think of me first? It's 90 degrees outside, and she is fine in shorts with a fan blowing on her... but not me! I can't remove my fur. Doesn't she realize this? I've been forced to sleep upside down in the living room near the cold air of the doorway. It pains me not to suffocate her at night, but she's attempting to suffocate me with the heat! I wonder how my distant puma relatives handle it... I wish they could write or meow to me, but I bet they don't have advanced communications like Catster in the wild. So primitive! *sigh* So fine, mommy will be rejected from the snuggles as her punishment for not convincing grandma to buy her another air conditioner. Serves her right! Meow!

 

Zzzzzzz.... chirp!

June 2nd 2005 7:28 am
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Today mommy and I didn't want to get up. We were in our usual spoon position, where I lay on her face, and she has her arm around me so I can lay my paws and head on it. All of a sudden, that hideous alarm went off for the fourth time. I chirped in annoyance and hoped mommy would press snooze again. She didn't! She actually tried to get up! When she went to move her arm that I was sleeping on, I reached my paws out, grabbed her arm and pulled it back towards me. I then rested my head back down in defiance, reminding her that sleeping in would be a good thing. She managed to stay for another two minutes. I think I'm wearing her down. Eventually, I will be so cute and persuasive that she will just stay in bed all day with me until we both get hungry or need to use the litter box. I will succeed. I am too cute to resist. Meow.

 
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