June 16th 2011 9:37 am
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Hello everyone, Alex's mom here. I need to talk if you all don't mind. I lost a dear friend yesterday morning and I'm very sad about it. My ex boyfriend of 10 years who is STILL my VERY best friend in the world, he lives across the street from me. His dad passed away yesterday after having a horrible year. For all intents and purposes he was my father in law for 10 years. He treated me like his daughter. He was very far from a perfect man, and had some faults that didn't sit well with me. But he was a loving man who would do anything for his family and friends and he's taken care of me on more than one occasion. He wasn't even Rick's real father. He married Rick's mom when Rick and his sisters were young and his real dad deserted them after abusing his mom. When Jim married his mom, he BECAME Rick's dad and always has been.
For many years Rick and I would go over on Saturdays or Sundays and swim in the pool with his mom and dad. His dad would fix fantastic BBQ steaks (they were both amazing cooks!). We ate fresh veggies grown out of his garden. We always sat at the table and laughed our butts off over stupid things but we had a great time. Sat outside and watched all the beautiful wild birds coming to their feeders. You know those small things, those are the times we remember and should remember.
I wonder if mother nature, father time and the reaper even talk to each other before they decide or figure out what they're doing. Yes he was in his 70s and had oodles of health problems. He'd gone into the hospital around Thanksgiving to have a blockage removed and a stent put in. He died on the table and was in ICU for over a month afterwards. He'd formed another clot in his leg and almost lost it. He'd gone through absolute torture in the hospital for months trying to recover enough to go to rehab. He then spent 4 or 5 months in the nursing home going through rehab and finally came home with a clean bill of health.
I think he's only been home since late Feb. or March. He just went to the doctor last week and got a clean bill of health. Doc said he was doing great. But even a doctor isn't God and can't predict something like a pulmonary embolism which entails a great deal of pain before dying quickly. He complained of bad pain on Tuesday night and Rick's mom tried hard to convince him to let her call 911. Nope, wouldn't have it. She gave him some pain meds, went to sleep on the couch to let him have the room in the bed and found him yesterday morning already gone. Now of course she's beating herself up about it.
I know. I know. You don't have to tell me that it was his time, he probably cheated death several times, etc. I just wish if this was meant to happen that it would have been while he was already gone peacefully on the operating table. It would have been so much easier on all of them than to go through ALL of this and have him die this way. I'm sorry, I just feel awful for them, I love them dearly and this is just another example to me of how life & death do whatever it wants and doesn't care how. You all know me, I know you'll tell me to not let myself get torn up. Save your breath please, you know when I love someone I can't help it. This is WHO I AM.
And it not only hurts me deeply to see them like this but it scares me because sooner or later it will be me. My parents are old and have both died several times. I'm so lucky to still have them but one of these days I won't. But for right now, I hurt for my friends and I can see how much damage this whole year has done to his mom. She's a different person, a complete nervous wreck and I'm worried this will send her over the edge.
I contemplated all day yesterday writing about this, I know this isn't the place. But I have to talk to someone and I don't have anybody. Last night Rick texted me and said he hoped wherever he was that Jim was watching the Bruins win. He would have been so happy for his Boston Bruins! Rick is a mess.
Okay, I've poured it out now. I am not sad for me, as I said. I just know what this feels like. And I know you all do too. I've lost MANY people in my life and in my family, some tragically & horrifically. Death should be nothing new to me, and it's not. But I still despise him and the way he works. As any cat would say, sometimes life just blows big fat harry chunks.
Thanks for listening everyone, I just needed to talk about it. I love you all so much. I'm grateful I do have somewhere to go to pour my heart out and let all of my sadness go.
Love, hugs and many thanks
I am very sorry to hear about your friend, it's hard to lose anyone, regardless of what the relationship is, was or "might have been.
Sadly, just as we are brought into this world on the given date and at the given time that God chose for us, HE too, calls us home on the given date and the given time HE has chosen; irregardless of one's age or health status
I'd like for you to also remember, God never dishes out to any one individual any more than HE knows they can handle.
Rick and his family may never say so, but I'm sure just knowing that you are there for them right now will mean more than any amount of flowers or condolence messages they receive. Grieve for him; it is after all human nature, remember him and all of the fun times you did have together; it will be one of the greatest gifts you could give; yet try not to remain saddened for too long; his dad wouldn't want that.
My ancestry is primarily Irish and we believe that after the tears have been shed, one must celebrate the life of the deceased and rejoice in the fact that they have gone to live in the kingdom of heaven; and as I have told many a pet parent; it never is truly good bye.....just...until we meet again
Losing someone you love is never easy, regardless if it's 'their time' or not. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Death is inevitable. Your "father-in-law" cheated death and was given a little more time. This gave him and his family time to clear up all old hurts and to say I LOVE YOU.
Take care of yourself and just "be there" for Rick and his family. Allow him to talk, grieve, or cry and just listen. It's the greatest gift you can give to someone who is grieving.
Ok, I'm done now. I'll quit preaching. My friend did this for me when my mom died and it was/is the greatest gift.
I am so sorry for your loss, it is never easy. What the tabbies said, we believe is so very true :
"God never dishes out to any one individual any more than HE knows they can handle."
This has helped mom and dad through loss and heart ache. God also promised to never leave us or forsake us, you can lean on Him and He will help you get through this painful time. Mom's heart is hurting for you and her eyes are watering, she will be praying for you all.
You're all such wonderful friends and I don't know what I ever did before finding all of you. I felt alone, that's what.
I'm very concerned for Rick and for his mom. His mom used to be the type of person who was hardly ever really over come by things. Her attitude was "eh, it'll be okay. eh, I'm not worried about it. eh, what happens happens!" I certainly never expected her to be like that when Jim first got sick but in this last year she's lost a lot of weight and believe me, she was in TERRIFIC shape for a 70 year old woman. You never would have guessed her to be a day over 60 if that. Now she looks horrible!
Rick was just telling me over the weekend, before this even happened that she was really coming unglued! She's been a good friend to me in more ways than any of you know. Her blood pressure is off the charts now. Thank god she has Rick and her daughters to care for her, more so Rick though.
Jim came from a family of 9 kids! His own mom just passed away a couple of years ago at 92! She was a hot ticket, I loved her. She was the first women to ever start her own business here in this state. She lost her husband many years ago and she had NINE kids to take care of. She ran a laundromat and took care of NINE kids! And that was way back when! No one ever heard of a woman working to support her family, never mind running her own business! She was something and so funny. Her 90th birthday party was a blast!
Lisa - What the others said comes from me too. Your friend is a lucky man to have a friend like you. Hang in there and take a deep breath. Remember "What doesn't kill us, always makes us stronger."
Life is so short when we all think about it and one never knows when it is our time! you are lucky you had such a wonderful person in your life and you will always have wonderful memories...and yes life does go on , and we are earth have to try to heal and eventually move on...even knowing how hard it is for a lot of us when you lose someone that is so important to us and special in our lives...
We are all praying for you and his family!
QT and Mom
When the sting of grief starts to slightly recede, may Rick and his family find some comfort in the love they shared.
For yourself, you may find that listening to Rick, sharing memories and giving him a safe place to grieve, do much toward healing your won heart.
I'm sorry when any of us is touched by a death that breaks our hearts. We're always here for you, if you want to talk.
Thank you all so much my soul family. That's what you all are to me you know.
I came home from their house and going with them to the funeral parlor and went outside in my garden. Let myself soak up my flowers, the butterflies that swarm into them. And there's a family of Robins that are so brave, they come right up to me while I'm sitting there and peck the grass for worms. They know I'm the one that feeds them, puts fresh cool water in the bird bath everyday, plants this beautiful habitat for them in the middle of a city. They know. They are so smart and somehow knew I needed to be with them.
My little screwball Lacey is doing her best to make me laugh today and it's working! I can't help it, she's always a clown. Poor Finney is hot though. But he's been coming over and kissing my toes and my knee. LOL. They are my sanctuary.
his is John, Blizz' dad. I really don't have the right words to say how sorry I am for you! I lost both my parents when I was in the navy, more than 3,000 miles away from them. Treasure your memories, and just be there for Rick and his mom, as a shoulder to cry on, if nothing else. And listen to the tabbies. Celebrate his life, and those good memories will help lift everyones spirits a little. Please know that we're here for you, ALL of your friends here are!!! If you need anything, e-mail me, you know the address! At times like this, words fail me.
Your fellow catster, and friend, John
And of course: Blizzard, Gypsy, Tigger, Squeaker, Kringle, Panda, Angel Socks, and Angel Patches
John, everything that comes out of your mouth (or on computer) is a loving and supportive thing. You are a REAL and TRUE friend and weather or not you think you can't find the words, you already did. And that means everything to me.
I can be there for my friend and his family knowing I have others to hold me up when my legs start to fall.
Bless you, Lisa
I think it's safe to say, we will all be here to prop you up, Lisa. "Through thick or Thin"
Rick and his Mom are so blessed to have you by their sides. Just be your loving self.
Lisa; May you find peace in knowing that you did what you could. It is very hard to lose someone you love but you will be reunited someday. May you find comfort in the words of your friends on catster.
We are so sorry to read this Alex. I know you are helping watch over the family and friends right now. It's always hard to lose a loved one. We'll be purring for you all.
We're so sorry for your furiend, Sweet Alex~ Mommy wants to talk now: Dear Lisa, I know the hurt still lingers, it really helps to hear others stories too and consolations. Yes, we all know we will take that flight to the Heavens one day, but nonetheless, we are never prepared. I don't care what they say, the hurt never leaves. I get sad 'n tearful all over again when I hear someone has passed from a pulminary embolism. My Mom had the pain, survived a year, then broke a hip, then was in a nursing home, where they failed to give her the med's to keep the blood flowing. They found her on the floor, she'd thrown two emolism's, that was in 2008. We could have sued, but why? It wouldn't bring her back. I still feel guilty and always will. I'm with you, dear lady. I have to go now, I can't see for the falling tears.
Big love 'n hugs,
Smokey Joe, Milo 'n Mommy Kathy
P.S. Through thick 'n thin....we are here for you. Mom wishes she could just let you know how much she wants to hug you now.
Lisa- We hear you and feel your sorrow. Don't apologize. Our human friends are just as important and there is never a right place or wrong one when you have sorrow. I still miss many of our relatives and friends who have passed. My husband's mother was a gentle person and there is many of a day when I stop and think of her. Our sympathies.......Sharon- Natasha's and Alex's human person...
Oh Kathy! I'm so very sorry about your mom. Sharon, Chris, Sky, Simone, everyone. Thank you so much. The thick and thin part is resonating in my heart and I can't put into words the gratitude I feel for having such caring and loving humans in my life. I never had that before. Not really. And it's so funny for us to sit here and really feel like we're all in the same room but I do. I feel so close to everyone here and I know we're all here for each other and that's the best feeling in the world.
Poor Rick can't even talk to me on the phone. He's cried with me before, that's not it. It's that he's never lost a CLOSE relative before and Jim made up for so many horrible things his real dad did. This is really hurting him bad. All he does is text me but he won't talk on the phone. I know what it is, he doesn't want to fall apart in front of his mom because she's already so fragile. It's fine, anyway he wants to talk is fine.
People can't believe we're still so close when we've broken up. But we're proof that just because you aren't in love anymore doesn't mean that LOVE goes away, it doesn't. He's my best friend and I couldn't stand him not being in my life.
Many purrs from us to every one. I feel very sorry for Rick's mother, I can understand how bad she feels, she will always think 'why did she not call 911' There is always 'what if' and we can't live our life with them. Also as you said he cheated death a few times before it was going to get him, sad as it is. But the situation could have been a lot worse. It's awful when someone blames themselves, even if she could turn back time the outcome could have been the same anyway. As the hospitals can't always save them either. Many purrs to you all. It's great you have each other for support and that you are so close, you are a great friend.
Thanks Mr. D. One of my best friends online is a human doctor and she said the same thing. A PE is almost impossible to treat and save them once it gets going. Sigh. I did tell her that and it comforted her some to know there was most likely nothing she could have done. She doesn't want an autopsy. She said he's been cut up enough she just wants to let him rest now.
Lisa, it is so true what you said, being here talking like we are all in a room together, you can feel the love, just wish we could do more than send a hug.
Well to me this is heaven because I don't have all that many friends to turn to here. I have a couple that I've had since we were teenagers but they have very busy lives. Not around much. I'm so annoyed at myself this week. It's been one thing after another and I haven't gotten one darned thing done on the website! I was supposed to put up Colette's story, send out a newsletter about River's page and story, work on some other stuff. I feel brain dead.
Stupid full moon and partial lunar eclipse did all this! Poor Jim, he must be swearing from a cloud somewhere that he wasn't able to at least watch the Bruins win, LOLOL. Hopefully he could see it and had great seats where he was.
Shoots, I meant HERE at home! Not Here on Catster, LOL. Ugh. See? brain dead. Marbles are rolling down the driveway as I type. LOL
LOL Marbles down the drive way.
You are just so very busy, and have so much going on sometimes I think our tired brain just takes a break, when we don't slow down to give ourselves time to re-charge.
Lisa, don't worry about the marbles thing! Boy do I know about losing them! MOL! Just please know, we here in Texas love you and share in your feelings and concern. Life is what it is. But knowing there are others who care and want to share is a miracle in itself!! We might be hundreds or thousands miles away, but Catster has all of us linked. And we care. I know your feelings about not having anyone to share with. Jim got to watch the Bruins win, you can count on that! He had the bestest seats! I'm so glad you are able to share your feelings here. I just know that all of us would love to know you in person. It's really hard to put all our feelings into words here. I just hope I haven't stumbled over my words. I'm not very good at putting it in writing. From our hearts to yours, we're with you, Lisa, we're here. I know, I would be lost without my Catster friends. One day, I am hoping when this job of mine does end in March, I will get to travel all over and meet some of the Grand Humans of Catster. This great World is united with so much love and hope. We are united. And always will be.
Love 'n hugs,
Milo 'n Mommy Kathy again...*shrugs* Mommy is an ol' softy!! MOL! We take eash day as it comes..it's all we have...
LOLOL, want to hear something funny? Last summer I was digging out in the garden and literally found the marbles I used to play with when I was a kid. All buried in the dirt next to the garage. Don't know why they were there. I brought them inside and my dad said, "what's that?" I said "See! I told you I lost my marbles a long time ago!" LOLOL
I'd love that Kathy, another one! LOLOL. Do you know how many Lisa's there are in this world? LOTS AND LOTS! LOL.
One of my goals someday is to have an IBD kitty convention with all of the kitty parents together in one place.
Oh Lisa now that is funny you literally found you lost marbles.
Kathy, mom has often (we only been here since November) wondered what it would be like to meet in person with the wonderful friends she has made here in such a short time. LOL it is really amusing that her kitties has more friends that she does. Like Lisa I have a couple of close long time friends and many acquaintances but no other person shares her/ my love of cats like everyone here.
wow you hear that me and the kitties are talking at the same time, I was going to correct it but I think you know what I meant.
Our sweet friend Lisa... you have such a tender heart. That is a VERY good thing, but also a painful thing at times for you. Just know that all of us are here for you.... to support you and weep with you and cry with you... like you always, always are for us.
I say that Rick and his family are truly BLESSED to have you there for them. Just take good care of your own heart in the process. It is precious.
We love you bunches,
Lynne (aka Simmy, Cheveyo, Honeybear, Cass, & Beau's Mommy)
Skids, yeps, we know whatca mean! If Aunti Kathy could tawk in sinc wif ALL if us, dat would be great! Coz, her a good mommy to me 'n LISA is my mommy name too! WOW! MOL! Her tawks fur me, 'n of course MILO is her "baby"! MOL!! 'N her tawks fur Smokey Joe 'n our cousins Timmy 'n Ziggy. Big furmily 'n none of their mom's haz 'puters 'n dey do lubbs kitties but dey r NOT a Kitty LOVER like Mommy Kathy iz!! Her is a totally CRAZEEEE Cat lady!! Her wears cat t shirts to werks efurday, well until it ends in March..at least dey can dress casual da rest o' da time! An' Mommy Kathy 'n my mommy Lisa founded me when I wuz 2 weeks old! I lives across da hall from Milo 'n we be's bestest furiends now. Mommy Kathy plans on tryin' really hard to meet some of Catster furmilies when her leaves werks next yr, Skids! Her not visited many places, only Bahama's once! It was great but back in da early 90's, other den dat, Texas only. Oh yeah, OKC when her wuz lil 'n her dad wuz a commercial airline pilot! Yeps dat is why mommy loves her Catster furiends, coz dey all unnerstand how her feels too. Alex, mommy Kathy is da same!! We not know's another Kathy on here yet! Maybe we will one day! We lubbs u lotz 'n lotz!! *Sam hugs his saweet furiend* Milo sez YEAH!!
LOL, okay now I think I'm straightened out. LOL. I forgot that you were Lisa also. Good thing our kitties mostly have different names. MOSTLY.
I just took a quick shower and Finnegan almost got in there with me! He's never done that before.
Thank you Lynne, you are a sweetheart. I promise, I'm taking care of me. You know I already have health issues that are stress triggered so if I don't I'm in big trouble.
I have a feeling at some point, we'll all get together, face to face.
You guys are all so funny. Sending Lacey early prezzies and saying about this entry, "we're trying to think of something "deep" to say!" LOLOLOL. OH you guys make me laugh so much. I just love you all.
Dear Lisa and Alex,
I don’t know if these are the purrfect words, but we just wanted to let you know we care about you and are sending all the support we can. We’re so sorry about the loss of your dear friend and the way it happened. It’s hard to make sense of some things in life....but love doesn’t die and there is a greater reality beyond all of this.
You do so much to help and support others and we are sending all that support right back to you. I’m so glad you have Catster and all the caring, supportive, like-minded friends here. We all love you very much!! Tell Rick that there are people here who care and who have his family in their thoughts. You are so caring and I think Rick is fortunate and blessed that you are there for him and his family.
Jen (and Gumpy & Nadia)
Hi Jen, Gump and Nadia! The purrfect words are anything said with love and that's what you did. You always have love for everyone and we thank you and love you so much. I LOVE what you said "love doesn't die and there is a greater reality beyond all of this". You are the most awful friends. We don't know what we'd do without you! Even if we all don't think the same, the important thing is that we're here for each other and we all know that. That's what love is about and you all show me that time and time again. I am the one who's blessed! You've all helped me so much today. ALL of you! I'll tell him, I know it will mean so much to him.
Love and giant headbonks
Sending lots of prayers and purrs and hugs for you and your friend and his family.
it took Mom this long to think of something 'deep' to say. I think she's lost a few marbles herself also. Here she comes now. I better get out of the way.
Hi Lisa, Sonja here, Mietzi's Mom. It is so hard to say anything that might be a comfort. I cannot imagine what this must be like for you. I think it's wonderful that you're close to your ex boyfriend's family and that you are there for them. Sometimes family is not related by blood or even marriage. It's the people you care deeply about. I'm very close to my ex Mother-in-Law. She's like a Mom to me because my real mother is far away. Being there for the people we love is really all that counts, I think, because we can't take any of our wealth with us when our time comes. You are such a blessing to Rick's family and your uncle's family because you love them so much.
None of us knows when our time here on earth is up. But just like we believe in Rainbow Bridge where our pets are happy and healthy again, what if there really is a place like that for people too? I believe that place is called heaven and we get to it NOT by being good. We can't be good enough. We all mess up sooner or later. But by the grace of God and believe in Jesus. Yes, this may offend some. And you can delete it, I won't be mad at you. I just had to say this. This doesn't make it easy. There are alot of things that we just don't understand this side of heaven. I hope you'll make it through the next few days OK.
Sonja, Mietzi, Timo
Hi Sonja! What a sweet friend you are and no, I wouldn't delete this. I'm not particularly religious but I am spiritual and am a firm believer that we all have the right to our beliefs and faith. We're all different in this world and that's the way it's supposed to be. Life would be so boring if we all were the same.
I really like what you said actually because I don't believe either that you have to perfect to be with our maker or be in paradise. Humans are very imperfect, there's no doubt about that. Have you ever seen the movie with Robin Williams, What Dreams May Come? After he and his kids died, his wife committed suicide but she PUT herself in her own hell because she felt she belonged there. That's how I see it. Even here on earth we put ourselves in our own self created hell sometimes.
The other thing you said I really love too and it's because at Jim's funeral this morning, the priest was actually really great and said the same thing. There are so many things this side of heaven we just can't understand. I really loved him, he didn't press on the notion that faith will get you through the pain. He touched on that we're all human and it's almost impossible no matter who we are to fully comprehend or understand why death happens. And that it's never a good time to lose a loved one, it will always leave a whole in someones life. He said it's okay to let yourself feel that because it's human and to pretend otherwise is betraying your true self. I really liked that, he was uplifting but also realistic.
Sonja just know that I'm so happy to be friends with you. You are a wonderfully caring and yes, deep person. LOL. Kiss your furry babies for me.
Oh ya, humans sure are imperfect. But God loves us anyway. The kisses to the fur babies have been passed on and were appreciated.
I'll have to put that movie in my Netflix Q but Mietzi probably wants to see the Heffalump movie first, MOL. It arrived today, yay. Maybe Mietzi will watch it tomorrow and then write a diary about it.
How exciting!!! Let us know how you like the Heffalump, we know you will.