Oh my, this is so very hard to type. I still can’t believe I am really typing this. I can’t believe it has been a year since My Sweet Adam left me that terrible day. I am still stuck on that day and that time 3:15 when I heard that terrible scream and He was gone. Time has not helped in fact it just makes things worse, I still cry at strange times, I see something that reminds me of Adam and I cry. I wake up in the middle of the night hearing that sound and start to cry. This has been so very hard on me and I know My heart will never mend, this pain will never go away or ease. There is a huge hole in my Heart that will never close.
I look back all the time thinking what if I did
What if I could go back and do things over, better than I did.
WHAT IF
WHAT IF
It is the little things I miss,
I miss him yowling at the door.
I miss him waking me up in the middle of the night saying Mommy wake up I AM HUNGRY!
I miss those big BEAUTIFUL eyes looking at me first thing in the morning.
I miss him walking in my room with his nails clicking on the floor, nobody else did that, I knew he was in there.
I miss him purring when I would walk in the room and sit with him or hold him.
I miss him grunting when I petted him.
I miss holding MY BABY.
I miss kissing those Babboo Lips, that I long to kiss right now.
I miss him kissing me, he was such a good kisser.
I miss taking him for walks.
I miss so many more things.
I MISS ADAM.
I know he is in a better place, I know he is out of pain, healthy and young and he has his little toe back, but it still does not help me with this pain I am in.
Adam, MY LOVE,
I still can’t believe you are gone. I am so sorry I could not save you, I tried so very hard. I am so sorry I let you down. I am so sorry I can’t handle this better. I am so sorry you have to see me this way. I know you have come to visit me, I felt you here. I know you are trying to heal my heart. You have taught me so much, You taught me to LOVE again. You gave so much to me and you still are giving to me with all the signs you send to me. Oh MY LOVE, there is so much I want to say but I can’t see for all the tears falling. You were such a big part of me and now all I feel is numb and empty inside. Of all days for this to fall on, Mother’s Day, it just hits me harder. But, any day would be hard. Coming to this day, was so hard for me, I knew I had to write a diary for you.
My LOVE, I can’t type any more.
One day WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN, then just maybe my tears will end and all there will be left is Happiness & Joy, because once again We are together again. Until then MY LOVE.
I want to THANK the very Sweet and very Generous Person who, not only sent My Adam a Beautiful Forever Heart of Gold, but also gave us a year of Catster Plus. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, this doesn’t say what this did for me, with all the things going on in my life, it is so very nice to know there are so many SWEET & KIND People here on Catster.
It seems that just a THANK YOU isn’t enough to say for this Kindness, but this has made me cry so I can’t type anymore.
THANK YOU FOR LOVING US!
Purrs & MUCH LOVE,
ADAM & CHRISTY
First off, I have to apologize again for being a Terrible Person to all of our good and sweet Furiends. I am so ashamed of myself for not sending and saying THANK YOU for sending Adam’s gifts on his Meowday and for ALL the gifts you guys have been sending to all my babies. I AM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
I am just having such a very hard time, NO EXCUSE, I am just BAD. Sorry guys.
The holidays were really hard, Adam’s Meowday, just days before Christmas. Christmas was so hard, unwrapping gifts and not finding Adam under the paper or him on the bed HIGH on his new catnip toy. Then New Years Eve, when midnight came I went and found MY LOVE to kiss him, but this year all I had was his picture on my computer screen. So I kissed that and wished him a happy New Year and said I hope you felt my kiss in heaven. I went and found all my girls and kissed them and wished them a happy New Year. Then I took my diaries to the back bedroom, where he loved to stay and held his picture and kissed it and wrote in my diaries to Adam and what I did with My Girls that day. There I sat writing and crying as the fireworks went off outside.
Rambling again, sorry again.
13 years ago I found THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, yep, I found out when was My GOTCHA DAY, January 26, 1999. Yep, that date and day I will always remember. I found My Sweetheart. Little did I know that day, the happiest day of my life would come to a screeching halt May 13, 2011. I never thought My Love would be gone now. That day still haunts me and I still cry everyday. Things remind me of My Adam and I guess it always will. I try so hard to keep busy but Adam always seems to creep into my thoughts and then I start to cry.
WOW! 13 years it would have been. I am just BLESSED to have had MY LOVE 12 short Years. I don’t know why I thought He would stay forever, I guess a lot of Mommies and Daddies feel that way. They are here for just a very short time, we all need to just LOVE and HOLD and PLAY with them everyday, you NEVER know when they are going to leave you. All we have to do then is think one day we will see them again and then we will be together again forever. I just have to keep reminding myself about this.
I want to tell you guys about Adam’s Meowday, of course he sent me a message, he had to. This diary is not for that. But I want to tell you about that day. My baby Boy sent me a BEAUTIFUL Message and I want to share it with you.
I never knew when his Gotcha Day was until lately. So.
HAPPY GOTCHA DAY ADAM, MY SWEET BABY BABBOO!
from Mommy and “THE GIRL GANG OF FURS”
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![Nala Sue [Angel]](http://a1.cdnsters.com/static/images/common/gifts/gifts/79/79/79_store.gif "Nala Sue [Angel]")
