It’s time to head back to school. Human students excel at a variety of subjects, and feline pupils would aim for that same level of success in their own curriculum. Here are eight classes at the local feline a-cat-emy in which kitties would earn a place on the honor roll.
Cats can be super creative, and their art classes would be tailored to please their prolific paws. Projects could include in-the-box litter sculpting, creating abstract food designs in meal bowls and milk-jug ring jewelry. And some cats would show real talent at chewing cardboard boxes into interesting shapes that would go on to win major architectural awards.
Cats are made of drama, and they’d be star students in all the school plays. Each audition would see feline thespians clawing their way to the lead roles, showing off their best jealous glares, longing looks and hissy faces. Their only request: Please, no costumes.
Who wouldn’t want to join the kitty choir? Cats regularly practice their vocal stylings at home before mealtime and while not-so-patiently waiting to enter a room with a closed door. Certainly their harmonies would sound like nothing less than a choir of angels. Or something. Plus, kitties would definitely enjoy the class’s section on playing the springy doorstop. Humans may or may not enjoy attending that very special recital.
Little paws on the keyboard! Cats not only have a natural desire to walk across computer keyboards, they have mysterious, intuitive skills in knowing exactly which keys to press to flip the screen upside down, change the language to Italian, or compose and send strange chat messages into the virtual ether. Cats know computers — they walk on them, and they nap on them. Plus, what other class comes with a mouse?
Although technically it’s not a class, lunchtime is most cats’ favorite part of the school day. In fact, many volunteer to work in the cafeteria to help “prepare” the meal and “clean up” the food plates. Of course — because cats.
Cats are experts at concentration and could probably teach a master class on the subject. Really, who else besides cats will stare at a moth, a shadow or a blank wall for copious amounts of time? That’s next-level expertise.
Felines have the natural ability to jump from Point A to Point B with flawless precision. How in the world do they calculate those kinds of trajectories? They’re all enrolled in AP
Physics, that’s how.
Athletic students would showcase their skills in jumping during the frequent games of Counter-Cruising 101, Catch the Falling Food and Attack the Red Dot on the Wall. The more chill kitties would probably enjoy flexing their stretching muscles during activities like advanced yoga and “reach the catnip mouse that was batted underneath the sofa.”
Every class would, of course, end with sunbathing and much-needed naptime. Some days, napping would represent 90% of the class. Come on, who’s really surprised?
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