Cosmo is my heart-cat. Sometimes I experience such intense love for him that I feel my heart will burst right out of my chest. And … he’s also kinda gross. Of course I don’t adore him any less, but I occasionally do make that scrunched-up “ick!” face when I’m around him.
He loves me to pieces, so of course he wants to be around me all the time, making me the witness to most of the gross activity. I guess that’s good, because he knows after I make my “ick!” face, I pick him up and snuggle him tightly to my chest. I love my gross cat.
Here are five ways Cosmo is sometimes gross.
1. He drools
Cosmo is one of those cats who drools when he purrs. And he drools bucketfuls! When I hold him, I have to place a napkin, tissue or sock underneath him to catch the runoff. Every few minutes I reach down and wipe his little mouth and tell him I love him. Even when his mouth cuts loose on my sheets and I turn over into the drooly pools, I look past it and scoot away from the wet spot.
2. He humps Phoebe in the middle of the night
Phoebe and Cosmo are both altered, but Cosmo still sometimes goes after Phoebe when I’m sleeping. I know he’s not sick and it’s common behavior in male cats but it still freaks me out when I see it. Some nights I’ve been woken up by the mattress moving, only to find him doing the pelvic thrust at the end of the bed. Yes, it’s normal behavior, and yes, I still think it’s gross.
3. He humps my stuffed bear any time of day
I have this cushy brown bear that I snuggle with at night. Yes, I’m a 44-year-old woman who sleeps with a stuffed animal. Anyway, I’ll sometimes walk into the bedroom to find Cosmo having an intimate moment with the bear. I can’t help it — I think it’s gross and I always stop him. I never, ever scold him — I just don’t want to watch the deed. I think maybe I’d be the gross one if I wanted to hang out and watch, right?
4. He’s a sloppy eater and drinker
Bless his heart, he can’t walk away from a food or water dish without a messy chin. He must really dig in and go to town when he eats and drinks. I always grab a napkin and wipe his sloppy mouth. I know I’d want someone to tell me if I had cat food on my chin. I’ll sometimes leave the water because it looks so funny. The water drip elongates the hair on his chin and he looks like he has a little beard.
5. He licks the wrought iron on my bed
I know cats can be partial to certain types of textures — mine enjoy licking plastic now and again. I realized Cosmo had a wrought-iron fixation one night when I was awoken to a very rough licking and scraping noise. I looked over to find him enthusiastically grooming my headboard and drooling all over the place. Ew. I sometimes have to place him under the covers so I can sleep.
Is your cat kind of gross? Tell us in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.