Can you believe another Friday is upon us? It seems like only yesterday we gathered for our weekly Fanglish lesson, and here we are again, ready to gobble up a fresh plate of cat slang. If this is your first lesson, welcome! It’s vital that we humans learn all we can about Fanglish, the underground slang used by cats when humans aren’t listening. They like to think it’s their own little secret, but then I met a feline informant who was more than happy to breach his nondisclosure agreement in exchange for weekly cat treats. This, my friends, is good news for us. My only request of you is that all of this stays on the down-low because we don’t want anyone getting in trouble with the worldwide feline community. Yeah, Fanglish is that big.
This week, our lesson’s theme week is “dogs.” Many cats share their home with canines, and their relationships with these fellow mammals aren’t always especially friendly. In fact, sometimes they’re downright annoying. Dogs can be loud, sloppy, and overly affectionate. That doesn’t mean there aren’t some perfectly lovely cat-dog friendships. There certainly are. Let’s just say there’s quite a spectrum of emotions a cat feels in the presence of their doggie companions. It’s very much comparable to the dynamics between human siblings.
With that in mind, let’s move on to this week’s featured terms. Ready, set, Fanglish!
An item that has gone astray and later located in a dog’s possession.
“Misty couldn’t locate her favorite rat toy, and she was dismayed to find it was lost & hound.”
Highly physical play with a dog.
“Kit Kat was bored, so she didn’t mind the ruff and tumble with Mr. Barky Pants.”
A dog who tries to impress others by being a poser.
“Felix ignored Rex, a total Barker Posey, when he pranced around like a show dog.”
Rules established by a dog.
“Stripes wanted to sleep in the big chair, but Captain Hound’s dogma gave him first dibs on any piece of furniture.”
Irritated by a dog who passed along a case of fleas.
“Whiskerface was flea and ticked off after The Lady started letting Barkley stay outside for long stretches of time.”
A feline opinion of a dog who continuously barks.
“Maurice had given Doggy Daddy at least a dozen scathing yelp reviews.”
A dog’s tenacity in going after something.
“Ralph’s dogged persistence in trying to bathe Kitty Lou created a major hissing situation.”
Irritation in having to share a window space with a dog.
“Fluffy felt advanced window pain when Bones interrupted her afternoon of bird watching.”
A dog’s rapid turn that results in his tail hitting everything in its path.
“Barney’s tailspin rudely awoke Callie from a peaceful slumber.”
Napping with one’s rear quarters against a dog’s body.
“Tiger fell asleep alone but woke up sleeping but-to-mutt with Chewy.”
Streams of dog drool dripping down a cat’s body.
“Maxine thought she’d never be able to sufficiently bathe herself after Fido’s drool runnings.”
A dog who seeks attention by showing off for humans.
“Patches rolled her eyes as Xavier, the resident publicity hound, brought The Man his slippers.”
The general culture patterns that are widespread among puppies.
“The Man adopted two puppies, and Little Orphan Cattie was suddenly inundated with pup culture.”
If you enjoyed this lesson (and I know you did), remember to come back next week for a new collection of cat slang. And just for good measure, I’ll once again implore you to keep these terms to yourself. We must let cats believe they’re holding on to their little secret. Be well, and don’t forget to erase your browsing history — our cats are always watching. You know it’s true.