My cats are little royals. I mean, my life is pretty great and all, but my three cats have got it made in the shade. When I see them pressed against a heating vent in the middle of January, when I have to brave the cold to buy their cat food, I admit to feeling a little (completely) jealous.
My life would be so much easier — and queen-like — if I had my cats’ lives. Here are five reasons why I believe this is true.
1. Sleep comes quickly and beds are everywhere
Man, I totally envy my cats’ ability to immediately crash. Sometimes they even start to snooze while standing. You know that adorable little wobble that happens as their eyelids begin to droop? I love that! If I could easily drift off to dreamland, I’d do it sitting, standing, lying or standing on my head. And they have this unique ability to drop and nap anywhere — everywhere is a bed. My back won’t allow me that luxury. Plus, I might get some strange looks if I suddenly curled up in the hosiery department of Target and took a nap.
2. Playtime is anytime
For the most part, cats are easily entertained. They also have the luxury of playing anytime they feel playful. On the other hand, I have schedules, to-do lists, deadlines and responsibilities galore. I have to schedule playtime for myself. I long for a life where swatting a ballpoint pen across the kitchen floor is my No. 1 priority.
3. Food service
How cool would it be to have your meals prepared and served to you every day? That’s what I call fancy livin’! I don’t know that cats really get how well they have it in the dining department. If someone prepared and served all my meals for me, I’d have all kinds of extra time to swat ballpoint pens across the floor.
4. Snuggles on demand
For the most part, any time one of my cats wants to cuddle with me, I comply. Really, we’re both winners in these situations. What’s better than cuddling a kitty? Probably nothing. If I could cuddle a kitty and have my meals prepared and served to me, that’d be golden.
Sometimes I want to demand a snuggle or hug, and no one is there for me. I suppose it might be weird to walk up to a stranger in the grocery store and ask for a snuggle, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want it. I’ll bet employees at Trader Joe’s might give me snuggles — they’re always so nice to me when I shop there.
5. Personal hairstylist
We regularly groom Saffy with several types of tools. She looks so shiny and fluff-tastic after a complete grooming session. I wish a personal hairstylist was at my beck and call. Sometimes I’d like to sit on the floor and allow someone all the time they need to make my hair look fabulous. Saffy is a damn lucky cat.
What cat things would you like to do? Tell us in the comments!
Laugh with us:
- 5 Ways I Irritate My Cats — and I Can’t Help Myself
- 5 Ways My Cats Have Taught Me to Stay Warm
- Texts from Mittens the Cat: Holiday Misfortunes Edition
Read more by Angie Bailey:
- Do Your Cats Demand Snuggle Time Like Mine?
- Texts from Mittens: The “Antiques Roadshow” Edition
- And Now, 5 Photos of My Cats Caught in the Act
- What Happens When My Cats Tell Me What to Wear
- 5 Ways My Cats Completely Own Me
- My Cats Are Addicts: 5 Reasons They Would Land in Rehab
- Do You Ever Wish You’d Given Your Cat a Different Name?
- What if Cats Held Office Jobs? Worst. Cubicle Mates. EVER!
- 3 Ways You and Your Kids Can Help Big Cats
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
