I’m a perfectly intelligent, college-educated adult woman who’s managed to create a successful career and raise two human beings. Despite all of those accomplishments, I have something kind of embarrassing to admit: Sometimes I act like a six-year-old child around my cats. I don’t do it all the time, but I do enjoy a “na na na na na na!” moment now and again.
I think most of my immature behavior stems from wanting to get them back for doing something that irritated me. Other times I do it to amuse myself. Before anyone starts calling me a giant meanie — or worse — please know I would never, ever purposely scare or harm my cats. And after you read this, you may even be ready to confess some of your own childish behavior.
Here are five ways I act immaturely around my cats.
When my three cats are ready to eat, they’re ready to eat. And they like to give me plenty of advance warning — usually an whole hour’s worth of warning. For example, I’m typing these words right now at 5:30 a.m. My office is in the lower level of the house and I currently hear Cosmo stomping around upstairs and meowing. When’s breakfast time? 6:30. This is not new information to him. It’s been 6:30 his entire 11 years of life.
On the weekends when I enjoy sleeping in, the cats decide they need to circle the bed, walk across my full bladder and otherwise harass me until I get up and feed them. “Close the bedroom door,” some well-meaning friends suggest. Right. ‘Cause cats love closed doors.
Sometimes when I’m cranky from a night of insomnia, followed early-morning feline alarm-clocks, I feel a little agitated and slightly petty … naturally. I sit beside one of my sleeping cats and gently poke them — just a little — just enough to awaken them from peaceful slumber. I say, “How do you like that? Not fun, is it?” Then I smile smugly and walk away. Of course, they instantly fall asleep again, but I do feel a little better after having attained my own tiny slice of revenge.
2. That was your seat?
Cats are master chair-jackers. Like many people, I have a special seat in the living area of my home. I love that seat and feel just a smidge resentful if someone else sits there. I’m Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, just less science-y. I do, however, enjoy a nice verse of “Soft Kitty” when I don’t feel well.
When I leave my seat for a visit to the facilities or to grab a snack, I occasionally return to find a cat curled up in my special seat. What’s up with that? How did he get there so quickly and have time to fall soundly asleep? Grrr. When I’m feeling spiteful, I perform a little payback. When one of my cats gets up from their sleeping spot, I snag it. Believe me, I know they couldn’t care less or would even consider wanting to return to the seat — this little maneuver is all for my benefit. And yes, it does give me just a teeny bit of satisfaction.
3. Face off
For strictly my own amusement I enjoy making faces at my cats, simply to see how they’ll react. They usually look at me like I’ve lost my marbles and then turn away, which totally makes me giggle. I also enjoy challenging them in staring contests. The results? My cats are gold-medal starers. I don’t even know why I try.
4. Treat psych!
I used to play this game with my human kids when they were highchair-aged, except I used green beans instead of cat treats. Of course, when my cats hear the rattle of delicious treats, they come running. I then sit on the floor and pull out a single treat. I pretend like I’m about to drop in on the floor and then, at the last second, I make like I’m eating it. Psych! I only do it a couple of times, but it’s completely entertaining. To me.
5. Bathroom bothering
OK, this is one I don’t do, but if I were a giant meanie, I absolutely would. Living with cats means I haven’t visited the bathroom by myself in years. They want to jump in my lap, rub against my legs and make chirpy noises at me. Why is that? I could be sitting at the kitchen table and they’d completely ignore everything I do. But when I flip on the light switch in the loo, they come out of the woodwork and converge upon me. Sometimes I don’t mind, but other times I feel the need to concentrate and they can be a tad distracting. And again — don’t even suggest I close the bathroom door, because guess what? Pounding paws = extra potty-time distraction.
I would love to visit them while they’re crouching and completely concentrated. You know that look, right? Then I’d talk to them, tickle them and get all up in their grills. Ha! That’d show ’em. Would it make them stop the bathroom entourage scene? No, but the thought of it is beyond amusing.
Do you sometimes revert to a six-year-old child around your cat? Tell us about it in the comments!
About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
Read more by Angie Bailey:
- I Can’t Resist: I Kiss My Cats’ Toes When Their Legs Dangle
- 6 Ways My Cats Would Profit from Opposable Thumbs
- 5 Cat Traits I Desperately Wish to Possess
- 5 Ways I Prevent My Cats from Going Berserk
- Why Yes I Sing to My Cats — You Mean You Don’t?
- 5 Ways My Cats Look Like Food
- 5 Ways I Suffer Physically to Appease My Cats