Lifestyle

8 Ways My Cats Try to Make Me Late for Work

By Hana Graham

, April 2, 2014

My cats aren’t stupid. They know exactly what’s going on when I start getting ready in the morning. They’ve even started working together to try and stop me from getting out the door. Some people don’t believe me — especially my co-workers — but I’ve been gathering photographic evidence to back up my claims.

Here are eight ways my cats team up to make me late for work and get me fired, so they can have me all to themselves.

1. They pin me to the couch

I know I’ve used this picture before, but this is why I took it — for evidence. My girls catch on even if I’m just trying to squeeze in a 30 minute nap-and-television session before work. They immediately hop up and cuddle up, on either side of my legs, effectively pinning me to the couch! How dare I move, their eyes say, when they are being so lovely and cuddly?

2. They run into the bathtub

We have a bathtub panel that doesn’t want to stay on the tub, and there’s a gap even when it does. And we have two cats who LOVE to run inside the bathtub. They know they aren’t allowed in the bathroom because of this. They usually sit outside the door if we’re in the bathroom and just meow until we come out again. The exception is when either of us is trying to go to work. They will seize every opportunity to race into the bathroom, inside the tub, and refuse to come out again!

3. They run into the catio

We don’t exactly have a catio, but we have an enclosed area outside of the kitchen door, with a roof over it and all, and another set of doors keeps the cats from getting outside and into the garden or the great wilds beyond. The cats were always allowed out there when we used to smoke, but we’re out there much less these days. They usually understand we prefer they run outside while we’re making dinner for a quick spider hunt or run around — but if you have to open that door in the morning, watch out. You have to lure them back in over at least 15 minutes and with treats in hand!

4. They go into the fridge

Lucipurr’s latest adventure has been leaping into the fridge every time it opens. She’ll shove herself behind the vegetable bin and won’t come out unless you reach in and drag her out, coax her with her favorite toys, or play the “shut the door open the door shut the door open the door” game! You can imagine how vexing this is when one is trying to get to work on time!

5. They go into the cabinets

Similar to the fridge game (only far more difficult to get them back out) is the cabinet game. I think I should start putting all breakfast and morning items in cabinets they can’t easily run into when we open them, like the ones overhead. That would require Olympic level speed and jumping, and if I start now, maybe I can get at least a week of getting to work on time before they figure it out.

6. They sit on my coat

“Oh, this coat? Did you need this coat? Is it cold outside or something?” Of course it is, and it’s probably raining, since we live in Northern Ireland. The cats know which coat I need, and they will without fail be sitting on it when I need it. It doesn’t matter if I hang it up, because they will pull it down and then sit on it. I just can’t win.

7. They hide my glasses!

This is perhaps the cheekiest thing my cats do to keep me from getting to work on time. I usually put my glasses up on the headboard while I’m sleeping. I have to make sure to hide them well now, or else Lucipurr will jump up, grab them in her mouth, and run away with them while I’m fast asleep. She’ll stash them somewhere and play dumb when I ask her where my glasses are. Luckily, Freyja is still my very good girl, and she will sometimes bring me my glasses when she notices I’m getting really fed up looking for them. Nothing like the sight of a cat trotting towards you with your glasses in her mouth first thing in the morning.

8. They sit in my lap … I can’t leave now!

This is ultimate cat move, and our girls know it well. We have a household that strictly follows the “no disturbing the cats” rule. My husband and I have been known to text each other from different rooms in the house, because we are “stuck.” By stuck, we mean, “There is a cat on my lap and I am forbidden to move, so you need to bring me a cup of tea; I can’t do it myself, obviously.” The cats are wise to this, so their final move is to jump in my lap, purr, and get comfortable, just as I’m about to head out the door.

Do your cats want you to lose your job? What clever ways do they have of stopping you from getting our the door on time? Tell us in the comments!

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About the author: Hana lives in Belfast after moving from the U.S. of A. with her two spoiled kittens, two chubby rats, and one cheeky husband. Hana works in admin but occasionally goes on tour working for an Austrian death metal band. When she’s not putting up road-weary punk rockers and metallers, you can find her taking the cats around town in their stroller, whipping up new recipes, or playing way too many video games. She writes at Mommyish and Catster. Follow her on Twitter and Tumblr.