I love the freedom of working from home as a freelance writer. I’m not one of those people who totally slacks off and doesn’t know how to manage her time. I’m quite the opposite. I love lists and schedules and have become quite proficient at juggling work, kids and home-related tasks. This is why I don’t understand why my overbearing feline supervisors are always on my back. I consistently meet my deadlines and take very few breaks. What gives?
Here are five ways my feline supervisors continually micromanage me.
1. Constantly reading over my shoulder
It’s annoying when someone is reading over my shoulder — especially if I’m trying to write something. My cats don’t care and feel the need to regularly oversee and inspect what I’m doing on the computer. If they don’t like what I’m writing, they take the liberty of making changes by walking across the keyboard. This is distracting and disrespectful behavior from supervisors. It’s like they don’t trust me.
And then at the end of the day, Phoebe turns into the boss from Office Space: “Yeah, um … I’m gonna need you to come in on Saturday.” Guess what? I’m already working on Saturday because your micromanaging prevents me from getting my work completed during the work week!
2. Making me work long hours with few breaks
My cats take up residency in my lap for hours on end, making it difficult for me to take breaks. This means I wind up working with a full bladder and a growling stomach. I’m certain this inhumane treatment violates all kinds of company policies. I think it’s time to report this behavior to human resources. Wait … they’re HR, too. Crap.
3. Always inspecting my beverages
Sure, sometimes I enjoy an adult beverage after I clock out at the end of the day, but I never drink on the job. For whatever reason, my cats don’t trust me and are always suspicious of what’s in my cup. It’s like they’re waiting for me to slip so they can dish out the discipline. Are you kidding? Do they think I’m going to drink cocktails when there’s no chance of potty breaks? They’ve obviously never met my bladder.
4. Dishing up unrealistic challenges
“Get these articles written before noon,” Phoebe says. And then she stands on top of my to-do list so I can’t read any information about the articles I need to write. So conniving! I think my cats set me up to fail. It’s not because they don’t love me — it’s because it’s another opportunity to show me who’s in control around here.
5. Intrusive behavior
Not only do my cats prevent me from getting my work completed, they repeatedly violate my privacy and embarrass me during business calls. As soon as Phoebe hears a fax come through, she has her nose all up inside its contents. She wants to know who’s sending me faxes and if they’re business-related. If she doesn’t like what she sees — or just wants to mess with me — she grabs the incoming fax and races off with it. I’m sorry to say I’ve lost valuable information because of that unprofessional shenanigan.
And trying to conduct a business phone call is futile. They walk around my chair and across my desk meowing loudly. “Who is it?” What do they want?” “Is this a personal phone call?” Sometimes I have to lock myself in my car to make calls. And then I return to a written warning on my desk: “Yeah, um … I’m gonna need you to work an extra hour today to make up for the unapproved break you took in your car. Also, I’m gonna need five cans of Fancy Feast. Chicken and Gravy.”
Does your cat try to supervise you? Tell us about it in the comments!
About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
Read more by Angie Bailey:
- My Cats Make Me Feel Like a Child — That Explains My Childish Behavior
- Tabby with Whisker Fetish Seeks Siamese with Fish Breath: 8 Personal Ads Written by Cats
- Why Yes I Sing to My Cats — You Mean, You Don’t?
- I Can’t Resist: I Kiss My Cats’ Toes When Their Legs Dangle
- 6 Ways My Cats Would Profit from Opposable Thumbs
- 5 Cat Traits I Desperately Wish to Possess
- 5 Ways I Prevent My Cats from Going Berserk