A Cat’s Oscar Predictions Come Up Short This Year


fake-cat-news-logo-small1Wiggle Butt, a 10-year-old Scottish Fold from Fresno, California, came up short in his Oscar predictions this year, despite proclaiming his picks were “rock solid” the night before the star-studded event.

In the Best Picture category, instead of picking the eventual winner Spotlight, or any of the other nominees at all, Wiggle Butt selected Keyboard Cat, a YouTube video from 2007 that has never been up for Oscar consideration.

It did not win.

“I don’t care what the Academy thinks,” Wiggle Butt said on Monday. “They got it wrong. The best motion picture of 2015 is Keyboard Cat from 2007. Everyone knows that.”

In the Best Actor category, Wiggle Butt did not go with any of the leading men, but rather his owner, Fred, who is not an actor, Oscar-nominated or otherwise.

“This was a long shot, sure, since Fred wasn’t in any of the nominated movies, or in any movie ever,” admitted Wiggle Butt. “But he does bring me my food, so he should be Best Actor of 2015.”

Wiggle Butt is stunned to learn Alejandro G. Iñárritu won Best Director instead of his local UPS man, Karl. Via Shutterstock.

The not-winning started early in the night for Wiggle Butt, who fell asleep before his first prediction, Best Adapted Screenplay, went to The Big Short instead of the text on the back of the bag of his favorite brand of cat food.

“The guy who writes for Supreme Chicken Feast was robbed,” said Wiggle Butt. “I can almost taste his words — and I do, every night.”

That miscalculation would set the tone for the night. Fortunately, Wiggle Butt did not wake up from his nap until the following day.

Informed Monday morning that his pick for Best Actress — the lady who lives next door — went down to Brie Larson for Room, he was shocked, as he was when informed that the mailman did not win for Best Supporting Actor and that his cat bed did not win for Cinematography.

Wiggle Butt reacts in horror to Ennio Morricone’s win over his food dish. Via Shutterstock.

“I guess I don’t know as much about motion pictures as I thought,” Wiggle Butt said. “But come on, how can the beeping of our dryer not get Best Original Song? I mean, can Sam Smith tell me when a warm batch of laundry is coming out? Not from London he can’t.”

“Sam Smith doesn’t know crap about warm laundry,” he added.

Curiously, Wiggle Butt did have some bright moments during the telecast, as he correctly predicted all six Mad Max Oscar wins, from Sound Editing and Production Design to Costume Design.

“Oh, that was easy,” he said of his sweep. “After all, you don’t bet against [film editor] Margaret [Sixel] and [costumer] Jenny [Beavan]. Every Scottish Fold knows that.”

“Jenny really captured the look of what goes on in a Scottish Fold’s head, as usual,” said Wiggle Butt.

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