6 Completely Unauthorized Uses for Cats


I’m sure we can all agree that cats are adorable, sweet little beings with whom we love to snuggle and play. That’s all true, but they’re also lazy little buggers who have very little on their daily to-do lists. I feel kind of bad for them. I mean, don’t they want more purpose in their lives? I decided I would help them out a bit by highlighting some of the ways cats are truly helpful to us humans. You know, to give their self esteem a boost. They’re a little unconventional, but who ever said you could put cats in a box. Well …

Here are six unauthorized uses for cats.

1. Wrist rest

I often type with a cat in my lap. If the distance between my legs and the surface is minimal, the cat conveniently becomes a very comfortable, fuzzy wrist rest. I work on the computer all day and my wrists sometimes feel sore and unsupported. My cat unwittingly prevents me from being stricken with carpal tunnel, resulting in fewer medical bills.

2. Bookend

Cats love shelves and anything that feels remotely box-like. Do kitties realize that many times, they actually act as a very practical bookend, preventing the neat lineup of literature from sliding sideways. This is important business. In fact, they’re kind of like librarians. Think about it. Go cats!

3. Decorative throw pillow

Cats spend a ton of time lounging on sofas, right? I’ll bet they have no idea they’re actually accenting the home decor. I love an eclectic display of throw pillows on a sofa. It gives the room vibrancy and a sense of style. Cats are naturally vibrant and stylish. They should totally get props for that.

4. Lumbar rest

Sitting all day sometimes makes my lower back feel sore. I’ve always wanted one of those cool lumbar support pillows, but then I realized my cat often hangs out behind my lower back. He loves it when I lean back and enclose him between me and my chair. I don’t lean on him with any pressure, of course; however, I can feel the warms radiating from his little body. I feel supported just thinking about it.

5. Dust mop

Who needs a Swiffer? Cats love rolling around on the floor and sliding while chasing toys. And they naturally pick up dust particles. I believe that active playing with your cat can result in a shiny clean floor. And doesn’t that sound way more fun than dragging out a dust mop? Of course it does. The downside is that instead of cleaning the floor, you’ll have to clean the cat. That’s OK, the kitty still feels like he’s performed a useful task.

6. Bookmark

You’re totally engrossed in a novel and suddenly feel the urge to visit the restroom, but can’t readily locate a bookmark to save your place. What to do? No worries. One of a cat’s favorite activities is lying on top of our books and magazines. Kitty will happily perch atop your reading material while you’re away. He won’t even read ahead and surprise you with spoilers. How helpful is that?

Do you have any suggestions for unauthorized uses for a cat? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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