I don’t know a single cat lover who hasn’t talked about their feline friends’ annoying shenanigans. I know I have. And some people who don’t live with cats have responded to those stories with something like, “Well, why don’t you just [insert not-so-helpful tip],” as if they think I’m totally serious, this situation is horrible, I have a problem I’m totally incapable of solving and OMG it’s destroying my LIFE!
But the truth is, I’m not saying anything even remotely like, “Oh please, for the love of God, save me from the havoc my cats are wreaking upon me!” When I tell stories about my kitties’ shenanigans, it’s because I think they’re kind of funny. I’ve put a stop to (most of) the behavior I don’t like, and the rest? Well, dang it, it’s just too cute to “train” away. Here are some of the adorably annoying things my cats do.
1. Bladder walking
You know the deal: You’re just starting to wake up, your cat senses it, and promptly begins walking back and forth across your lower abdomen. At that point you realize that you need to go to the bathroom OMG RIGHT NOW! (And while you’re up, you might as well feed the cats.) This doesn’t happen to me as often as it used to, since I usually sleep on my side these days, but even when morning bladder-walks were a thing in the Kelley household, I didn’t mind all that much.
2. Glasses schmutzing
Since Siouxsie is missing six teeth, she tends to be just a teensy bit on the drooly side. (Don’t tell her I told you that.) And since Siouxsie loves nothing more than rubbing her nose all over my glasses to prove her love for me, I often find myself looking through streaks of cat snot — usually at the climactic moment of the TV show or movie I happen to be watching. Do I mind? Heck, no! I can still hear just fine!
3. Arm draping
Both Thomas and Bella love to climb in my lap while I’m working on a blog post, or even just checking Facebook or playing a video game, to drape themselves over my forearm. This is not at all ergonomically desirable, but who am I to thwart a cat who’s trying to kill me with cuteness?
4. Bed spelunking
All three of my cats enjoy this particular sport. It begins with a nose pushed under the quilt, to which I respond by lifting the blanket. Their response to this is supposed to be to push themselves further under the blanket and snuggle up next to my chest, but half the time I end up holding the bed linens up while all the precious body heat I’ve accumulated since parking myself under the blankets dissipates into the cool winter air. The other half of the time they crawl right under and make themselves comfortable by making biscuits (with their nice, sharp claws) on my thin pajamas.
5. Love hogging
When I settle down for the evening and put my feet up, Siouxsie is the first one into my lap. She is, after all, the oldest and wisest. But as soon as Siouxsie has settled in, Thomas climbs up and plants himself between Siouxsie and my face, thereby stealing the “love rays” emanating from my eyes. But even Thomas falls victim to Bella’s flawless victories in the love-ray stealing game: Bella just parks herself on my upper chest and stares right into my eyes.
What annoying but adorable things does your cat do? Share them in the comments so the rest of us can melt right along with you.
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About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their award-winning cat advice blog, Paws and Effect, since 2003.