How to Interpret Your Cat's Mothers Day Gift
Your cat is doubtlessly planning your big Mothers Day gift. Unfortunately, cats lack opposable thumbs, as well as lots of other things that are needed for a well-executed gift. (Including ... compassion?) We don't want any hurt feelings on the big day, so today we help you out by interpreting your cat's very thoughtful gift.
1. Mothers Day card
What your cat wants it to look like: A few lines of heartfelt verse, produced forcefully and traumatically from the deepest well of his soul and deposited on your favorite cardstock.
What it actually looks like: A puddle of vomit on your US Magazine.
2. Homemade dinner
What your cat wants it to look like: A three-course tasting menu using fresh, local ingredients, slow cooked to perfection on a concrete slab.
What it actually looks like: A rat in three pieces, steaming on the porch in the afternoon heat.
3. Fresh flowers
What your cat wants it to look like: A loosely arranged palette of your favorite flowers, presented whimsically.
What it actually looks like: Your house plants knocked off the kitchen counter and rolled around in for about an hour.
What your cat wants it to look like: Sinfully addictive sweets unearthed from hidden corners of the known world.
What it actually looks like: Mucus-covered catnip banana found in the back of the closet.
5. Handmade craft
What your cat wants it to look like: Dozens of finger socks to keep your little fingers warm.
What it actually looks like: So many hairballs left in so many places that it seems physically impossible that your cat even has any hair left on his body at all.
6. Breakfast in bed
What your cat wants it to look like: An adventurous culinary tour of the garden and its inhabitants.
What it actually looks like: GAHHHHH!
7. Thoughtful music
What your cat wants it to sound like: A playlist of your favorite melodies, lightly serenading your dreams.
What it actually sounds like: Caterwauling at 3 a.m., unrelenting.
8. Extra love and attention
What your cat wants it to feel like: A thousand light feathers gently brushing your cares away.
What it actually feels like: A cat sticking his ass in your face all day.
More cats who make us laugh: