I’m a giant baby. There, I said it. I absolutely loathe feeling scared. As a child, I once read the riot act to a haunted house employee at Six Flags. He startled me from behind and I thought I was going to jump right out of my Garanimals. Seriously. I wasn’t even inside the haunted house. The way I looked at it, he had no business scaring people outside the perameters of the actual haunted house building. I have not visited a haunted house since that dreadful day in 1977.
Scary movies scare the bejeezus out of me. I remember seeing the first installment of Halloween at the drive-in with my family and was so freaked out that I burped through the entire scene where Jamie Lee Curtis is hiding in the closet. I still burp when I’m scared, which is not the most attractive of habits, especially around proper company.
On Halloween, many people gravitate toward creepy costumes. They don masks and carry fake bloody knives and scythes. They want to scare people. Although these types of creature concoctions do indeed spook people, they aren’t always what frighten cats. If humans wanted to scare cats, they’d have to go inside a cat’s head and aim for what would frighten the feline mind.
Here are 5 costumes that would creep out our kitty friends.
The dreaded vacuum cleaner! This roaring robot is quiet terrifying to most cats. They can’t dive under the bed fast enough when it’s hauled out of the broom closet.
A vacuum cleaner costume would definitely be a winning choice for scaring kitties. Plus, I think if it were built right, it would be quite roomy and comfortable. The main canister would fit over the body and you could snap the hose onto a belt, or simply drape it over your shoulder. You could always tell the kids whose families didn’t have much money — they’ve be Hoovers. The rich kids would be Dysons.
“Ding-dong!” Company’s here! Cats typically don’t like surprising sounds and some aren’t fond of visitors. This is why trick-or-treat time can be scary for them. You know what would add insult to injury? A kid showing up at the door dressed as a doorbell.
Like the vacuum, the hair dryer emits a rolling roar, but also forcefully blows air. A cat would freak out if a hair dryer were chasing them down a dark alley. “Raaaawwwwr!” This costume would, however, be an awkward choice for parties. You’d constant whack people in the head with the nozzle.
Cats are not fond of high-pitched squeals. Enter the whistling tea kettle. As soon as the steam shoots out the top and the sharp whistle permeates the air, some cats run for the hills.
This kettle is the evil twin of Beauty and the Beast’s Mrs. Potts. For the full effect, anyone wearing the costume would have to periodically scream like a banshee and blow smoke out the spout. Naturally, this is the ideal costume for smokers.
Most cats I know flip out when a closed door separates them from their humans. They bang like they’re being chased by Michael Myers (see how I brought the Halloween thing full circle?). If a cat saw a human dressed as a closed door, he’d immediately panic and try to get behind the costume. And then the door would start walking away. And the cat would think he’d lost his mind.
What Halloween costumes would scare your cats? Tell us about it in the comments!
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with a adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
Read more by Angie Bailey: