We’ve all been there. It’s morning, you’re late, you’re throwing on clothes and slugging coffee right out of the pot, and you look down and think, Are these pants going to bring enough enjoyment to my cat?
The answer is usually no. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cast aside sweat, tap, and even Hammer pants because of the awareness that each would give just the slimmest enjoyment to my cat in even the best-case scenario (tuna-fish sandwich in pocket).
It’s time for a change. And that change has come. (And not a moment too soon; I’m wearing Thai fisherman pants.)
Presenting the first-ever cat-attracting pants!
Witness the thick pad of denim ridges!
Gaze upon the cat-face decoration on the butt!
Visualize yourself rocking the baggy fit!
Imagine your silhouette in high-waisted style!
Get a load of that freaking tail!
Yes, these are pants that will give enjoyment to your cat — and to you, because of the roominess. Japanese retailer Felissimo, who took its sweet time with these considering the company bottled the scent of cat’s forehead for human consumption all the way back in 2015, has released the pant that will be on every New York fashion editor’s “must-have” list (at least on April 1). Let’s have some more looks:
Would your cat love you in these pants? You bet. Would you look good? Absolutely. The two of you could dine in the finest restaurant in town, with you eating penne ala vodka and your cat scratching the bejesus out of your legs under the table — with no pain to you whatsoever! Finally, the cat lover’s wardrobe is complete.
Well, at least until someone makes a cat-attracting shirt, jacket, underwear, hat, and shoes. Might as well give cats the option to go nuclear on your ass.
One word of caution: In the fine print, Felissimo says that, “We expect most of the cats love this pair of jeans but the actual response of cats might vary.”
Well, that would be worrying if these pants weren’t so stylish.
The pants were created with Japan’s premier cat-manga artist Yamano Rinrin, who is behind such wonderful things as cat Band-Aids and cat ink stamps. Here’s his expectation of how the cat pants will work, and he nails it: