Jack's Memoirs

My Tail of Devotion for Jack

July 23rd 2006 5:39 pm
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Jack, if there's one thing I wish I could tell you, it would be that you were exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I loved the cat you were when you came to me, and I love the companion you've grown into. You are a constant jumble of paradoxes. You are gentle, yet clumsy. You are elegant, yet clownish. You are calm, yet easily frazzled. You are an independent soul, yet a soulful companion. Your presence in my life is constant, true, and you never cease to warm my heart. I need you and you need me, and I feel like somehow we have the ability to communicate. You are a beauty and a joy, and there will never be another like you. I love you, my buddy.


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I am Awesome

October 8th 2004 5:37 pm
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I have successfully killed and eaten approximately 23 flies today. That has to be some kind of record. You see -- they had been building up for quite a while in my screened-in porch, but my female human hasn't opened the door for me due to the chill in the air. Today she was kind enough to oblige. I'm sure the truth is that she desperately needed my services, and knew that I was the only one for the job. Who else? I am champion "catch-fly-in-midair-with-mouth-or-paw-and-promtly-begin-to- digest...er." I am awesome.

 

The Nerve...

September 21st 2004 8:53 am
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That's it, I am fed up. My female human has me on a "diet." She claims that I am eating way faster than Mia (well duh...she eats like a bird...), then headbutting her out of the way and finishing her food when I'm done with mine. Therefore, she claims, I am eating way more than I should. THAT IS NOT FOR HER TO DECIDE!!! She doesn't understand the pressures of being this handsome. A cat doesn't become this handsome and buff just by excercising all day and eating in "timed feedings." THAT'S FOR SISSIES!!! I must have food readily available for my consumption at all times. What if the other cats get wind of this?? I'll be the laughingstock of the Ferocious Feline Hunks, and I might not be asked to be in the Calendar this year!!!

I will not just sit back and take this. She WILL learn (if she is fond of her couch in it's current condition) that when I am in the kitchen, I EXPECT food, and I will have it. Diet my foot.

 

What's Behind "The Door."

September 14th 2004 3:55 pm
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I am about to tell you the tale of my amazing discovery. A discovery made about "the door" and what's behind it. Every day I sit in front of it, face it, and wait for it to open. It is the door my humans enter my domain by. It is the door they leave by. But I have alwasy asked myself "what the heck is out there??"

Last night, my friends, I found out. The peculiar time-telling device read 12:02AM, whatever that means. I was awaiting the return of my female human. As I wagged my head and sniffed at the open door, something unexpected happened -- my female human opened it WIDER! Then she fastened my harness and said "wanna go exploring, Sweetie?"

Of course I did! I stepped out of "the door" into a vast "hallway" filled with doors that looked just like mine. It appears that we live in a huge human storage facility -- where humans are kept in living quarters just like my domain. There were many doors looking just like mine, and of course I sniffed them all. I made sure my human was well behind me -- who knew what was going to pop out of these doors -- I had to protect her!

Then...just as I was coming to the last door -- I heard a strange noise behind it. Then, with no warning, out came a HUGE FURRY TERRIER! I showed him who was boss by hissing at him and scurrying back to my door, dragging my human behind me. I'm sure he will never mess with me again.

My friends, now that my discovery has been made, and I know what's at the end of the long corridor, I have taken it upon myself to form a "Defense Against the Terriers" group. Someone needs to put a stop to this, and make sure that this animal is conquered. I volunteer as your leader, and all interested may send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the following address:

Jack the Magnificent
Brown Cat Tree
Behind the Door

 
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