Life on Earth, by Patrick

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A Message From Patrick's Mom

May 3rd 2005 4:53 pm
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As many of you have been following, my cat Patrick has been very sick lately and some of his experiences of having cancer have appeared in his diary here.

But sadly, in spite of the best efforts of Patrick's vet Dr. Stewart, after several weeks of brave effort Patrick lost his battle with lymphoma early yesterday afternoon. His passing was gentle and peaceful and, I'm sure, a relief to his weakened body and wearied soul.

On behalf of him and myself, thank you to all of Patrick's wonderful friends and well-wishers. All your kind thoughts, messages and prayers were felt and greatly appreciated by both of us these past few weeks and helped us get through some very tough times.

All you fabulous Catster kitties, give your moms and dads kitty kisses and head-bonks! And all you wonderful Catster moms and dads, cherish every single hour of every single day you have left with your feline loved ones, for every moment you have together is a wondrous gift.

And know that you are loved, and loved well, each and every single one of you.

 

the long road

May 2nd 2005 9:07 pm
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my mom and i took that long car ride again today to see uncle doctor stewart. i felt very sick but i was glad to be in that big cool quiet place again. it is ever so peaceful there.

once in the little room, i got weighed (i lost another pound this week) and i was too weak to get off the scale. so i lay there and my mom petted me gently. i put my paw out to her to say thank you and i lay my head down. i purred, and my mom sang along with me.

first she sang the song of the green spring meadows, full of grasses and flowers, and ever so soft and warm.

then she sang the song of the midnight stars, stark and majestic beacons to guide my passage.

then she sang the song of my safe journey back to the sacred star fields where i once dwelled before coming here.

then she sang the song of "i love you," which was my song i was purring to her.

and i knew then that it was time for me to go, and i began to drift away.

soon i heard many more gentle cat songs being sung.

my mom once told me there would be many more cat songs, each one more beautiful than the last.

she was right.

 

some new secret caves

May 1st 2005 7:29 pm
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last night i ate a couple of pieces of kibble. my mom was so worried about me because i couldn't eat all day long. i was very hungry but my tummy felt so ookie. so in the evening i ate a couple of kibbles, then i decided it was time to investigate a new secret cave.

a paper bag has been lying on the floor in the bedroom for a couple of days, but i hadn't investigated it till last night. it was a snug little secret cave. every time i shifted position it made crinkling noises. not exactly secret. anyway, i spent the whole night in it, except when i had to go ookies by the litterbox and eat two more pieces of kibble during the night. i switched to my under-bed secret cave just before my mom woke up, and she had to go hunting for me this morning because i wasn't in my paper bag secret cave any more.

and this morning i decided to sit under my cat tree, because the base of my cat tree is carpeted and there is a little plant runner that comes down from the bookcase and across the floor right by the cat tree, so i was like in a little jungle lair, surrounded by greenery. it was pleasant, especially when my mom gave me some kibbles under there.

but then i had to go ookies on the bathroom floor a little while later.

then i went into my vacation home secret cave for a while.

i still wish i could get into that kitchen cupboard, though. that's where i really want to be. i'm sure that in there among the packages of cereal and bottles of juice and olive oil and cans of beans and some saucepan lids and stuff i can find the perfect snacks that won't give me ookies. and i can get together in there with the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams and we can go off on adventures together and stuff. maybe he can lead me to a place where i won't be sick and have ookies anymore. that would be ever so nice.

 

untitled

April 30th 2005 7:30 pm
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i feel so sick today all i can do is lie by the living room wall and think about all the nice places the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams tells me he is soon going to take me . . .

 

the man on the ladder

April 29th 2005 9:22 pm
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just as my mom left this morning i heard scraping noises coming in from outside the bathroom window. i lay by the wall in the living room for most of the day and listened to the scraping noises in between snoozes and chats with the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams.

when my mom came home later she went in the bathroom and said "the window is all covered up! the painters must be here already." then she gave me a snack and petted me while i ate a little, and she told me that no matter what happened, everything was going to be okay. i remembered hearing the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams tell me the same thing, so i tried to pay attention to what she said.

then i had to go ookies so i went into the bathroom. just as i finished going ookies on the floor, a man outside the window tore the paper away. he could look right in at me! there i was, sitting next to a puddle of ookies with a man right outside the window! i was glad he descended below view right away (my mom said he was climbing down a ladder) and didn't try to come in to grab me and poke me and prod me like they do when i go visit uncle doctor stewart. even though he didn't look like anyone i've ever seen at uncle doctor stewart's place, you can never be too sure about stuff like that.

my mom had to clean me under my tail because my ookies were so messy and my little cat butt got all ookie. but still, that's better than being poked and prodded any day.

then my mom combed me and we had an old-fashioned cuddle. she said "your little hip bones are really sticking out, patrick. they never stuck out before. there are all sorts of concavities to your body that never used to be there." i felt very weak but it felt ever so good to have an old-fashioned cuddle, concavities or not. it made me feel like no matter what happened, everything was going to be okay. that made me feel all nice inside.


----------------------------------------------- -------------------------------
i must remember to ask my mom what "concavities" are.

 

another ookie day

April 28th 2005 10:24 pm
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i could hardly eat anything today. my tummy is ever so ookie. i did have a few snacks and a treat but it wasn't much.

my mom said, "i'm so sorry, little guy. i wish i could fix your tummy for you," and she petted me and cuddled me and gave me a kiss on my head.

i wanted to tell her that it's okay, mom. i know you're trying your best.

it's hard for us both.

 

for now

April 27th 2005 11:03 pm
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i lie in the corner all day long. my tummy is very ookie. i can't eat anything.

i hear a birdie singing all afternoon long outside the window, trilling and burbling and warbling tirelessly, hour after hour. my mom says it's a mocking-birdie, but i think it's the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams, singing the future into a song that we can hear.

i think about why i'm here. i think about why i'm feeling ookie. i think about why my mom cares for me so. being so light, i think about why i haven't floated away yet. a gentle tether holds me here still.

when i go to have a drink, i see my reflection in my water bowl. i exhale, and my breath on the water causes my reflection to ripple and nearly dissolve. i inhale and my reflection comes back, wavering and fluid. i exhale, and my reflection dissolves into blurs and random glints on the water. with just a breath, i disappear . . . then reappear.

something is gently tethering me here still.

i will not seek to break free of this gentle tether, not yet. not for now.

i will lie down with it, within it, and let it hold me here. for a while. for now.

 

my brand new snacks gave me ookies

April 26th 2005 4:33 pm
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my brand new snacks that i loved so much yesterday gave me ookies.

oh my poor tummy.

yuck. :(

 

my brand new snacks

April 25th 2005 9:37 pm
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today we took the long drive to see uncle doctor stewart. i got to spend a while there getting tested and weighed (i lost another pound this week, and i feel ever so light) and injected with more medicines. i felt ever so quiet on the ride home. it felt like no big deal. i knew i was going home to some snacks, which is always a nice thing.

what i didn't know was that there were brand new snacks waiting for me at home! this was an amazing thing. the brand new snacks were ever so delicious and satisfying to crunch. they were a wonderful taste sensation.

after i had my brand new snacks i went to the wall in the living room where i thought i'd seen a door yesterday, but after i lay there for a while i realized i wasn't so interested in the door anymore. what i was interested in was more brand new snacks. so i went and helped myself to some.

then i went to take another nap, but in a little while i decided i wanted some more brand new snacks. so i went and had some.

then i took another nap in my new extra-secret secret cave under the big strange piece of furniture in the living room, but that didn't last long because soon i wanted some more brand new snacks. this time i had some brand new snacks plus some of my other snacks that my mom left out for me. i got a choice of snacks to have! that was totally coolio. my mom is the best sometimes.

the sun set while i sat on my window seat looking at the view and thinking about my day and about my brand new snacks, and my mom brushed me and gave me a kiss and said "today is a blessing, patrick, because we're here together."

i agree!

 

the door

April 24th 2005 10:23 pm
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i stared at a door all day long today. when i wasn't staring at it i was lying down next to it. my mom saw me and said "why are you staring at the wall, patrick?" i don't think she could tell that a door was there.

but i saw it. sometimes i could even see through it. i could see stars and galaxies and stuff right through it. i realized it was still daytime when i saw the stars and stuff, and i felt confused. so i sat and thought about it for a while.

sometimes i could see the little dog who sometimes visits me in my dreams floating among the stars. he was soaring on a golden cloud through space. meteors and comets were swirling around him as he flew along. i thought i heard little bells chiming and saw silver sparkles everywhere. i wanted to go through the door to see more but my mom didn't seem to be able to see it and i didn't know how to open it by myself. so i sat there waiting.

after a while i felt ever so light-headed and meowed when my mom came into the room. i felt confoozed about stuff. she talked to me for a little while, then picked me up and carried me down the hall. at first i thought we were going to go on the long ride to see uncle doctor stewart, but instead she just set me down gently by my snacks and sat there with me. i sat there and purred for a while, trying to puzzle out stuff in my mind. after a while i forgot about the door and decided to eat some snacks. my mom combed me a little bit and said "it's going to be okay, patrick. everything is going to be okay. no matter what happens, you'll be okay. everything is going to be all right." that was so nice of my mom to do. i felt better after that.

 
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