It's All About Me or Damn the Torpedoes, Full Speed Ahead

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Very VERY Good Karma!

June 29th 2011 2:27 pm
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HEY! Hi all you guys!

Yesterday I found out that I was named Cat of the Week! Except that I do not know WHY I was named Cat of the Week! So I tried to think with my Big Boy Brain!

Is it because I am so HANDSOME? No, it could not be that because ALL kitties are very very handsome, except maybe for my brother Robby Jay who is kind of scrawny.

Is it because I like to play with the Red Dot? No, all kitties like to play with the Red Dot except for my sister Luna who is not really into Make-Believe.

Is it because I like to sleep on my back until The Bipeds swoon at my CUTENESS? No, because even my boneless sister Minerva sleeps on her back and is pretty darn cute (although you had BETTER NOT tell her I said that!)

So I kept THINKING with my Big Boy Brain, until I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! I was named Cat of the Week because I was a MODEL of FORTITUDE and SELF-CONTROL the other day when The Biped clipped my CLAWS! I did not inflict ANY damage! She did not need even one teeny-tiny Bandaid! I did turn the air BLUE with PROFANITY, but other than that, I was a VERY GOOD BOY!

And that MUST be why I got this Major Award. Thank you, Catster Boys in the Backroom, for this honor. And thank you, all my friends, for all of the nice gifts and messages you have sent me. I am a happy, happy boy.

Bliss.

 

CONFIRMED EPIDEMIC!

April 26th 2010 8:00 pm
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I do not know if you Catster kitties have heard about this, but there is an EPIDEMIC out there! And there is no CURE! And there is no predicting when it will STRIKE!

I am talking about CHEEK-PINCHING!

It is happening, kitties. It is happening now. It is happening to me. It is no use pretending it will not happen to you. It will. It will happen when you least expect it.

I used to try to avoid it. I did everything in my Kingsley Power to stifle it. But there is NO ANTIDOTE. It is HIGHLY contagious. Cheek-pinching spreads like wildfire.

The best way to deal with this epidemic is with Gracious Resignation. Trying to suppress it only makes it worse. It is hard but it is the only way.

Bliss.

 

Who ARE you???

February 6th 2010 6:50 pm
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To My SECRET Admirer:

I am very GLAD you think I am SO CUUUUUTE! I think I am pretty cute TOO! I think I am the CUTEST BoyCat in this HOUSE! Maybe even in this STATE!

I would like to know who you are so I can send YOU a Valentine! I bet you are awfully cute TOO!

Thank you, Secret Admirer! Thank you for my beautiful Red Hearts and Roses! And CANDY!

Bliss.

 

A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!

December 31st 2009 9:49 am
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HEY Sports Fans, guess WHAT? I am in Pasadena! Pasadena, California where the University of Oregon Ducks are playing FOOTBALL against the Ohio State Buckeyes tomorrow in the Rose Bowl!

I am part of the Ducks' Special Operations Unit! I have been training those big burly guys how to RUN REAL FAST and DODGE IN AND OUT and WRASSLE FOR THE BALL! I know how to do ALL that stuff!

My friend Oliver Pantherfoot is a Buckeye. What the heck IS a Buckeye? And can it chase a BALL? I HOPE not!

GO Ducks! I am a Quacker Backer! Ducks RULE! Buckeyes, um, well, I have no idea WHAT Buckeyes do. Except I hope they do not win.

Your web-footed friend,
Kingsley

Bliss.

 

DEAR SECRET SANTA,

December 3rd 2009 12:55 pm
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HI SANTA! Remember ME? Kingsley? That little fuzzy guy that lives in Washington? Remember, Santa?

Well, Santa, I am sure that you know that I am ALWAYS a very VERY GOOD boy! I do NOT break stuff! I do NOT chew stuff! And I do not BITE and SCRATCH as much as I used to when that silly Biped puts dumb costumes on me!

So I guess you probably want to know what such a GOOD BOY would like for Christmas, huh, Santa?

Well, my favorite thing to play with is my little brother Robby Jay, the Little Annoying Orange Squirt. He likes to wrassle with me! And I am a champion wrassler! And he likes to play chase with me too. But PLEASE, Santa, do NOT send me another Robby Jay!!! ONE ROBBY JAY IS ENOUGH! Whew. Thank you, Santa.

I also like to play with toys, especially small light ones, like sparkle balls and puffballs. And I love those chicken-flavored Greenie treats. I like feather toys and little mice too, but I am scared to go IN stuff, so I do not like Crinkle Sacks and that sort of thing.

Santa, you know that I am a LUCKY boy! I am so happy and I do not NEED much of anything! So do not overextend yourself OR your elves OR your reindeer on my account, okay, Santa?

I love you, Santa!

Your friend,
Kingsley

Bliss.

 

BUCKETS AND BUCKETS OF GENEROSITY!

November 30th 2009 6:50 pm
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HEY! HI all you guys! GUESS WHAT! This was just the BEST day!

Today, for no reason AT ALL, The Catster Boys in the Back Room picked ME to be the Cat of the Day! I woke up this morning and did my stretching like I always do. I wrassled with my bratty baby brother, the Little Annoying Orange Squirt, like I always do. I looked out the windows like I always do. I had a little breakfast like I always do. I visited the litterbox like I always do.

BUT THEN!

Then! I opened my e-mail and there were ROSETTES! And SPECIAL GIFTS! And STARS! And FRIEND REQUESTS! And I did NOT know WHY! So I looked and I discovered this very great HONOR!

And my big green eyes got a little bit TEARY because I have such good FRIENDS who are so NICE to me!

So THANK YOU, Catster Boys in the Back Room! Thank you for choosing me.

And THANK YOU, my old friends and new, for sending me such wonderful messages and gifts!

And now I need to go take that Little Annoying Orange Squirt down a peg. But I will ALWAYS remember this day!

Bliss.

 

A BRILLIANT New Idea!

May 19th 2009 8:30 pm
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Guess WHAT!

Our friend Emma, who is in the Cozy Cat Reading Room group, came up with a WONDERFUL idea!

She said that, instead of just TALKING about the books that we love to read, we should have a Used Book Sale and Trading Post! So now we DO! Just like in the olden days! You can just hitch your horse out front and come in and make a DEAL!

Does that not sound like FUN? If you like to READ or you have some good books to offer, maybe you should just mosey on over and take a look, partner!

Bliss.

 

Advice to the Lovelorn for Valentine's Day

February 10th 2009 7:23 pm
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No roses for her
Nor candles nor wine,
No romantic suppers
At quarter to nine.
No chocolate,
No diamonds,
No smoldering winks,
No walks on the beach
As the sun slowly sinks.
But if you would capture
A feline heart true,
I'll tell you the secret,
Here's what you must do:
Say it with catnip
Filled up in socks,
Say it with live mice
Packed tight in a box.
Say it with moths
That flutter and bump.
Say it with froggies
That have a fine jump.
Say it with garter
Snakes coiled in a ball.
Say it with sparrows,
The BEST gift of all!

Bliss.

By Kingsley James
Previously Obscure Poet

 

A Kingsley Haiku!

December 10th 2008 8:41 pm
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My friend Bumpy wrote a POEM for me! Bumpy is a sensitive and reflective soul and so he wrote a beautiful HAIKU poem in honor of my TAIL! Here it is:

Sparkle Butt

My tail is the best
More lovely it couldn't be
No wonder I won.


Thank you, Bumpy! I can almost SEE you in the hip cafe with your intellectual friends, drinking coffee and reciting poetry to each other!

You are a CREATIVE GENIUS! Peace, man. Bliss.

 

A Major Award!

December 7th 2008 8:33 am
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I JUST CANNOT wrap my big-boy BRAIN around it! My TAIL! My TAIL has won a MAJOR AWARD! I thought my tail was just Standard Equipment, and it won the Craziest Tail category of the Coolest Cat Contest!

THANK YOU! Thank you to all of you who voted for my tail in the preliminaries!

Thank you to the judges who chose my tail in the finals!

Thank you to my momma-kitty who had the sense to get herself trapped so we could all go to a foster home so I could be adopted by The Biped and become a part of Catster!

Thank you to The Biped for chasing me around with that CAMERA! At the time, I thought we were playing a REALLY STRANGE GAME, but NOW I understand!

Thank you to all of you nice kitties and doggies who have sent me rosettes and special gifts and notes of congratulation!

My tail! A Major Award! Bliss.

 
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