Faster than a speeding mouse, more scary than a musk ox, it's SPARKMAN!

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Spider Breath and Ewww, Moose!

June 18th 2008 7:00 am
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First off, I gotta tell you to add giant spider killer to my list of accomplishments! And Yum! Was it tastey! I told Mom and Dad they can call me over ANYTIME to take care of large freaky spiders they find around the house. They called me into the bedroom and pretty much shoved my nose onto this big spider crawling on the wall. I chased it under the bed and purred and purred.

Later I ran up to Mom licking my lips and asking for another treat! She gave me potatoes, but I was REALLY after another tastey spider! Yum!

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Now, as Moose's only brother with a diary and ability to speak some-what proper English, I feel obligated to translate/explain his diary entry. But let me first just say EWWWWW, MOOSIE!!!!

It says that he was playing on Dad's backpack last night, and after he left Dad found poop on it! Moose says it wasn't him, and since the humans didn't see what happened, they're believing him for now. Then he tries to blame me, saying that I'm stinky. That's an all out lie, Moose is the whiffy one... But in any case, its very un-like us to be so naughty, so Mom's wondering if maybe one of us has a stomach ache or something.

 

It's a Bird; It's a Sparkman; It's a KILL!

June 14th 2008 7:11 am
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Mom is utterly amazed and all my brothers are in complete envy. I am officially the greatest hunter of them all! You may all worship my amazing hunting talents and skills. I, Sparkman the super-kitten, have killed my first BIRD!

It happened just a short while ago. I was outside with my brothers and Mom (who was ignoring us and staring at that newspaper thing), when I decided to try my classic birding technique. Mom and Dad laugh at it, but they can just kiss my furry tail because it WORKED! I sit crouched under the bird feeder waiting for them to land. [note from Mom: Sparkman thinks he's hiding, and his head certainly is hidden behind a few lilies. But his large red rump and tail hang out in plain view.]

I sit there and wait quietly. If the birds get close, sometimes I get excited and chirp a little under my breath. But mostly I just sit like a lion in the tall plants and wait.

This morning Mom hadn't even finished staring at the first page of the paper before I made my amazing kill! She heard me and Captain pounce at something, then looked up just in time to see me landing with something in my mouth. I started my primordial growling before I hit the ground. Captain Morgan backed off and went to wait for that chipmunk under the porch again.

Mom came running over, and she saw the bird's last few twitches before it hung dead and limp in my mouth. She knows that when I'm in primordial growl mode, it's harder than heck to get anything away from me. And seeing how the bird was obviously dead, she did something I wish she'd do more often; She let me keep it!

I ran up the front steps and begged for her to let me take my prize inside. I wanted a little dry food with my snack; or maybe a good romp on the bathroom carpet; or maybe I'd just chew its head off and leave it on her side of the bed (As I've been known to do with mice). I hadn't really decided yet, I just knew it had to go inside with it. And I wasn't taking "No" for an answer!

She just kept saying, "No dead birds in the house, please!" and called Grand-Human-Mom for a second opinion of what to do about me and my bird. I started shimmying out of my harness, and they finally decided to let me play on the glassed in porch with it for a while. Boy, was that FUN!

I threw it around in the air; pounced on it; bathed it; hid it under Dad's shoe and stalked it... Everything but actually eat it (which Mom found odd.). Eventually I walked over and asked Mom to go outside to find another! She put me out on my harness right away. What service!

When I came back in later, my bird body was gone! And it had magically turned into a pile of potato pieces! I happily ate my potatoes and then sniffed all around where I'd dragged the bird. Oh, I'm such a skilled and amazing hunter cat! I gotta go bathe my nose again and bask in my glory.

 

Back Under the Bed...

June 11th 2008 6:35 am
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Mom says I'm being melodramatic, but I tell you the house is just too filled with people! This time it's my Grand-Human-Dad from Milwaukee!!! He's nice and all, feeds me tastey treats and ice cream bowls to lick. But I think I'm just going to stay under the bed for a few days. I hope I can drag the laptop under there to check my paw-mail! (Mom's already delivering my potatoes! Crunch crunch.) If not, I'll see you all on the weekend!

 

Attack of the Pet-Envy Rummage People!!!

June 9th 2008 10:18 am
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Too many humans this weekend, I am just all jitters and bites this morning. My Mom's given me one time out for biting Moose till he meeped and growled. And she told the phone that I might get another one by the end of the day with my bad attitude! "BAD Attitude?" What does she expect?! I'm a cat, not a social butterfly! We were INVADED by pet-envious rummage people! Probably from Mars!

There were just SO MANY people! First those people were doing something called "Rummage Sale" in the garage for two whole days! I was terrified. There were more and more. And on Saturday, I was outside with my brothers and the rummage people wanted to PET ME! How personal and rude is that?! I had to go in right away.

And then Arnold P.'s Mom came over! I didn't know who she was. And after those rummage people, I wasn't taking any chances. So while Moose and Captain were all purrs and getting petted, I was still wary and staying back. (But NOT under the bed! I did have some bravery!)

Mom tried to start a fetch game to show off my mad fetch skills. But no way in heck was that happening. I had to keep a eye out for more humans! They were just coming out of no where! And all trying to pet the orange kitty!

Mom went and got her potatoes to feed me, and it was all the courage I could muster to go up to her and take a potato slice. I just HAD to go over there for those! I can not resist that crunchy starch goodness! Yum!

Okay, so maybe Arnold P.'s Mom isn't so bad and can come over again. Esp. if she feeds me potatoes again! But yikes am I spooked... Too many rummage people. Gotta go bite Moose again and show that I'm manly.

 

Too Much TAGGING!!!

May 30th 2008 7:27 am
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Okay, okay! I was trying to sit out the tag games (seeing how I seem to get tagged weekly!). But due to an abundance of recent requests for my total cuteness to make tagging statements... Here's a compilation of tag questions and answers! The most recent kitties to tag me are Oly, Micheal, and Goldie!

Purrs- The Sparkman!

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4 Jobs I have had:

1. professional fetch player, in training for Olympics
2. potato taste tester extraordinaire
3. first kitten to land in liter box
4. cat walk expedition climber and acrobat


4 Places I have lived or stayed:

1. In a horse barn with Mom
2. On the front porch of my house
3. Under the covers on human Mom's side of the bed
4. In the backyard on a leash! In reach of the catnip field of myth!


4 Places I would rather Be.

1. In a potato patch, licking the baby potatoes clean.
2. On my Peruvian-Irish world tour with my buddy Macaroni!
3. Inside the bird feeder, waiting and plotting.
4. Beside a koi pond, no humans in sight, no questions asked... Sigh!


5 pawsome facts about you:

1. If I'm not the center of attention, someone's getting bit.
2. I talk. A lot. I even hold whole conversations with Mom.
3. I'm a gigantic huge ball of fluff , but my human Mom calls me tiny!
4. Captain Morgan is my pillow. That is his purpose in life.
5. Moose and I are having dominance issues. As in, he doesn't recognize that I'm the alpha cat around here... Orange means king, right?!

As to tagging other kitties... I think I'll skip this part of the tag game and just say, I love you all! If you're reading this, consider yourself TAGGED!

 

I'm Even MORE Wonderful!

May 27th 2008 7:11 am
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I am happy to report that I have made major and important progress in overcoming my separation anxiety!!! (Not that I believe the vet and Mom for one minute that I actually have this problem... I am Sparkman, the amazing super kitten! But Mom says I've improved. And I accept any and all praise. Even if I refuse to believe anything could possibly be wrong with my wonderfulness.)

So Mom and Dad left , again. And I was bound and determined to live under the bedroom blanket for the entire time. It's a scary world out there without your Mom and Dad! But then our sitters came over, and it wasn't some person I rarely see except when my humans are gone... It was the neighbors! Normally, they're scary and smell like dogs. But after a day or so of panic, I realized that they weren't trying to invade the house and carry me off in some horrible scary cruel manner. Actually, they were trying to play with me! They even hung out inside the house for a little while each day, letting us out to roam the glassed in porch! I mean, could they BE cooler cat sitters?!

Mom and Dad were very impressed to come home to finding the house not smelling bad, and us not in an all out trauma of abandon! It was great! And after hearing from the neighbors that I was just fine, she's decided that 1) the neighbors are fabulous; and 2) I'm even more wonderful and getting wonderfuller!

And the only things I ate (that I'm letting Mom know about) were a small bite out of the quilt (May have happened while I was asleep), and the tip of the horn of Mom's stuffed yak... I ask you, why does a human need a stuffed yak when they've got all MY cuteness?! I'm wonderful.

 

Peru Loves Potatoes, too!

May 16th 2008 12:34 pm
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Oh, Wow! I won the Tuesday Trivia at the Silly Sabster's Club! What's even more amazing is that all the other Sabsters waited for me to answer before jumping in! Why you ask would such adoring fans of Sebastian bow to my cuteness? Because the question was about that one veggie I hold so very dear: POTATOES!

The question was: In what country do they use more than 100 varieties of potatoes?! I took a gamble... and said PERU!

And now that I know I'm right, it's just a matter of time until I run away to Peru.. imagine a country as deadicated to potatoes as me?! Sigh!

 

Sparkman Under Cover!

May 9th 2008 10:16 am
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I am just terrified. There's visitors in the house! Mom says I liked them when I met them before, and that they're my Memphis Grand-humans. But I don't recognize anyone these days. Not even Dad if he's wearing a hat!

Captain's being a good host and meeting and greeting; Moose has gotten over his initial timidness; but I am hiding under the blankets on Mom's side of the bed. I'm not coming out until the house is empty again... This make take days, but i've become quite the nervous, jumpy super-kitten. I sure hope someone remembers to bring me my morning potato treat under here. No way I'm venturing out to ask for one! This is scary! I need a super cape to hide under, or eat!

 

Sparkman vs. the POTATO Bug!

May 1st 2008 3:04 pm
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So Dad brought in a bunch of wood last night for the fireplace, and its been kinda damp in that log pile. So there were a few buggies! Moose and I had a blast chasing around a water beetle last night. That is, we had fun until I licked it to death (oops).

And then this afternoon, Mom found a bug in the bathroom! She first called in Moose, Veteran Memphis Bug Hunter Extraordinarie! But he just got bored with it, cause where he's from the bugs were as big as small dogs. These little northern bugs are just not worth his time. He just tells so many old fogies stories, like "Back in my kitten days, the bugs were HUGE! Blah Blah Blah..."

Then Mom brought me over, and she said the funniest thing. She called the bug a "Potato Bug!" I was on top of that one, I was sniffing it, licking it, and purring at it... Until I realized that she was just calling it that to trick me! I mean that bug did not smell, taste, or act like any potato I've ever encountered! And I'm a bonafide potato expert. She's crazy. And I told her so! I said, "Mawwwww!" and left the room. Let her catch her own "potato" bug! Hmmpf!

 

Update... EVERYBODY's Feeling Well!

May 1st 2008 8:56 am
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I'm very happy to write that Captain is feeling better, I'm feeling better, and Moose doesn't seem to be wavering at all from his top notch, crazy good health! Whoo hoo!

Now all we have to do is get through this hopefully bogus and ridiculous weather forecast... SNOW?! It's now May Day! Mom says no more snow. And I'm agreeing. NO MORE SNOW, NO MORE SNOW!!!!

On a lighter note, the migration of song birds seems to have reached my front yard! We're all glued to the front window. It's a feeding frenzy and birdy bonanza out there! Mom says we can go out this afternoon if the sun comes out and the snow doesn't happen... paws crossed!

 
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