Faster than a speeding mouse, more scary than a musk ox, it's SPARKMAN!

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Sparkman Complains About His Nagging Mom...

July 7th 2008 6:39 pm
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I seem to be getting in all sorts of trouble these days... Good thing my Canadian GrandhumanMom is coming this week! She gets me. And she understands that it's not me; it's Mom and her stupid rules! Mom just makes these up, cause I swear she's never specifically mentioned them before I'm being yelled at. I sure hope GrandhumanMom tells her whats what for me.

Here's a short list of what she's yelled at me just today:

- Don't bunny kick Captain's head!
- Don't chase the Captain up and over the TV set!
- Don't bite Moose's butt.
- My sweater is not a tastey treat; don't eat it!
- Stop shredding my clothing patterns!
- You don't need to stick your paw in my tea.
- Leave that chipmunk alone!
- Stop eating the perennials.
- Stay on your harness, please!
- Fetch toys are not candy bars!
- Potatoes get eaten in the hallway, not on Mom's pillow.
- No, the compost bin is NOT there for you to nose through! Eat CAT FOOD!
- Drop that rubber band, and back away!
- Pin cushions are BAD for you!
- My pillow is not your personal feather bed. Move over!

 

ANOTHER Chipmunk!

July 4th 2008 12:42 pm
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I caught another one today! This is becoming so routine that Mom's almost got me trained: I catch a chippie and bring it to her; I growl while she holds my paws immobile; then I drop it; it runs away; I get shoved inside; I get treats. The end! Ha ha!

 

Another Chipmunk Captured By the Amazing Sparkman!

July 2nd 2008 1:52 pm
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I got another one! I've given up my usual hunting hangout under the bird feeder and have taken to just sitting by the door to the chipmunk den under the porch. And today it paid off!

I got a female chipmunk this time! The last one was male. Mom says I'm a little too good at holding them such that all she really sees is their naughty bits... And she'd thought all this time that it was the same chippie we kept catching. But no, there's a whole family of easily snagged sillies!

I had it by the head this time! And I gave it up quicker than last time, but let Mom know that I am still not okay with this whole catch and release thing... I'm a cat!

When I dropped it, it kinda ran in a circle for a few seconds while Mom and I held our breaths. (I was holding it, hoping it would drop dead and she'd let me play with the body! But I think she was holding her breath, hoping that the little chippie would recover... Moms!) But it shook it's head and headed for shelter under a garden plant.

Then Mom pushed me and my brothers all inside the house, and checked on the chipmunk again. She must have been happy with what she saw, because she was singing my praises and cutting up a potato for me in no time! We even got Greenies! And I hate to admit it, but potatoes and Greenies are ever so much tastier than chipmunk.

 

Sparkman Does His First Catch and Release!

June 29th 2008 5:27 pm
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Mom is too mean. She's gone too far this time, I tell you! I finally caught the chipmunk under the porch! Now, grant you Captain Morgan caught it again last week and had to give it up. (And I got a good laugh at that.) But this is ME, the mighty and amazing hunter! How humiliating! I had the chipmunk in my mouth and was running to the porch to play inside, when she actually grabbed me by the harness. She scruffed me and stood there shaking me saying, "Let him go! Let him go!..." Oh, yeah right, MOM! I just growled and hissed at her and told her how I REALLY felt about that one.

And do you know what she did?! She grabbed my front legs. And kept grabbing them as the chipmunk squirmed and I adjusted my bite. And that just went on forever. If she'd just let me go, I could have taken care of that rodent right then and there... Eventually I only had the thing by the very tip of its tail. And Mom, the meanie, kept holding me. She was actually rooting for the chipmunk! And you guessed it, it got away. Boy am I MAD now! I am just stomping around and yelling the worst words I can think of at her. How humiliating.

******************************************** ***************
Note from Mom:

Despite being caught by the cats four times now, the chipmunk under the porch is in excellent health, though slightly slobbered.

 

Coolest Present Ever...

June 24th 2008 7:51 am
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Just so you know, we got the coolest present ever this weekend from Arnold P. and his Mom... (No, we didn't get Arnold P., but he'd be a pretty guy to have around!) We got a STROLLER! I am officially wheeled and reeled! And as master of all I survey, I have greatly increased my kingdom from the front porch and bird feeder; to the WHOLE neighborhood! Ha!

My first stroller ride was Saturday. And I made it all the way down the block and around the corner. But then I saw some humans who made me nervous and I had to turn around and just look at Mom until she wheeled me back to my house... But Sunday, I made it all the way down the street to Mom's garden friend's house! That's like three city blocks! (I know what a city block is now! It's BIG!)

So Garden Lady Friend came out and said "OH! Do YOU have a little one?!" And my humans giggled and said "Sorta!" I glared at them for that. I certainly am LITTLE! I'm TEENY! She came close and said, "Oh, my! That's a CAT!" And then all the humans giggled at themselves. (Humans never giggle at me. I'm too amazing.)

I'm looking forward to my next ride so much that I'm just napping int he stroller till it starts moving again... This thing is pawsome!

 

Sparkman Demands to Go Outside.

June 20th 2008 6:05 am
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I am throwing myself on the floor and making noises like I'm dying. Why? Because my stupid human is typing and not taking me out on my leash. MOOOOOMmm!!! It's finally sunny and warm! Forget everybody else's diaries, and just take m outside. Right NOW!!!

Oh, my harness!
I must go purr and be cute now.

 

Spider Breath and Ewww, Moose!

June 18th 2008 7:00 am
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First off, I gotta tell you to add giant spider killer to my list of accomplishments! And Yum! Was it tastey! I told Mom and Dad they can call me over ANYTIME to take care of large freaky spiders they find around the house. They called me into the bedroom and pretty much shoved my nose onto this big spider crawling on the wall. I chased it under the bed and purred and purred.

Later I ran up to Mom licking my lips and asking for another treat! She gave me potatoes, but I was REALLY after another tastey spider! Yum!

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Now, as Moose's only brother with a diary and ability to speak some-what proper English, I feel obligated to translate/explain his diary entry. But let me first just say EWWWWW, MOOSIE!!!!

It says that he was playing on Dad's backpack last night, and after he left Dad found poop on it! Moose says it wasn't him, and since the humans didn't see what happened, they're believing him for now. Then he tries to blame me, saying that I'm stinky. That's an all out lie, Moose is the whiffy one... But in any case, its very un-like us to be so naughty, so Mom's wondering if maybe one of us has a stomach ache or something.

 

It's a Bird; It's a Sparkman; It's a KILL!

June 14th 2008 7:11 am
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Mom is utterly amazed and all my brothers are in complete envy. I am officially the greatest hunter of them all! You may all worship my amazing hunting talents and skills. I, Sparkman the super-kitten, have killed my first BIRD!

It happened just a short while ago. I was outside with my brothers and Mom (who was ignoring us and staring at that newspaper thing), when I decided to try my classic birding technique. Mom and Dad laugh at it, but they can just kiss my furry tail because it WORKED! I sit crouched under the bird feeder waiting for them to land. [note from Mom: Sparkman thinks he's hiding, and his head certainly is hidden behind a few lilies. But his large red rump and tail hang out in plain view.]

I sit there and wait quietly. If the birds get close, sometimes I get excited and chirp a little under my breath. But mostly I just sit like a lion in the tall plants and wait.

This morning Mom hadn't even finished staring at the first page of the paper before I made my amazing kill! She heard me and Captain pounce at something, then looked up just in time to see me landing with something in my mouth. I started my primordial growling before I hit the ground. Captain Morgan backed off and went to wait for that chipmunk under the porch again.

Mom came running over, and she saw the bird's last few twitches before it hung dead and limp in my mouth. She knows that when I'm in primordial growl mode, it's harder than heck to get anything away from me. And seeing how the bird was obviously dead, she did something I wish she'd do more often; She let me keep it!

I ran up the front steps and begged for her to let me take my prize inside. I wanted a little dry food with my snack; or maybe a good romp on the bathroom carpet; or maybe I'd just chew its head off and leave it on her side of the bed (As I've been known to do with mice). I hadn't really decided yet, I just knew it had to go inside with it. And I wasn't taking "No" for an answer!

She just kept saying, "No dead birds in the house, please!" and called Grand-Human-Mom for a second opinion of what to do about me and my bird. I started shimmying out of my harness, and they finally decided to let me play on the glassed in porch with it for a while. Boy, was that FUN!

I threw it around in the air; pounced on it; bathed it; hid it under Dad's shoe and stalked it... Everything but actually eat it (which Mom found odd.). Eventually I walked over and asked Mom to go outside to find another! She put me out on my harness right away. What service!

When I came back in later, my bird body was gone! And it had magically turned into a pile of potato pieces! I happily ate my potatoes and then sniffed all around where I'd dragged the bird. Oh, I'm such a skilled and amazing hunter cat! I gotta go bathe my nose again and bask in my glory.

 

Back Under the Bed...

June 11th 2008 6:35 am
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Mom says I'm being melodramatic, but I tell you the house is just too filled with people! This time it's my Grand-Human-Dad from Milwaukee!!! He's nice and all, feeds me tastey treats and ice cream bowls to lick. But I think I'm just going to stay under the bed for a few days. I hope I can drag the laptop under there to check my paw-mail! (Mom's already delivering my potatoes! Crunch crunch.) If not, I'll see you all on the weekend!

 

Attack of the Pet-Envy Rummage People!!!

June 9th 2008 10:18 am
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Too many humans this weekend, I am just all jitters and bites this morning. My Mom's given me one time out for biting Moose till he meeped and growled. And she told the phone that I might get another one by the end of the day with my bad attitude! "BAD Attitude?" What does she expect?! I'm a cat, not a social butterfly! We were INVADED by pet-envious rummage people! Probably from Mars!

There were just SO MANY people! First those people were doing something called "Rummage Sale" in the garage for two whole days! I was terrified. There were more and more. And on Saturday, I was outside with my brothers and the rummage people wanted to PET ME! How personal and rude is that?! I had to go in right away.

And then Arnold P.'s Mom came over! I didn't know who she was. And after those rummage people, I wasn't taking any chances. So while Moose and Captain were all purrs and getting petted, I was still wary and staying back. (But NOT under the bed! I did have some bravery!)

Mom tried to start a fetch game to show off my mad fetch skills. But no way in heck was that happening. I had to keep a eye out for more humans! They were just coming out of no where! And all trying to pet the orange kitty!

Mom went and got her potatoes to feed me, and it was all the courage I could muster to go up to her and take a potato slice. I just HAD to go over there for those! I can not resist that crunchy starch goodness! Yum!

Okay, so maybe Arnold P.'s Mom isn't so bad and can come over again. Esp. if she feeds me potatoes again! But yikes am I spooked... Too many rummage people. Gotta go bite Moose again and show that I'm manly.

 
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