July 10th 2013 12:23 pm
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WHEN will Girl learn? I tell her at least once a year that I do not wish to join her on her little jaunts to the vet. Yet she persists. I overheard her making my appointment today. What's that you say? A new vet? Fresh out of school?
I kept my cool on the way to the office, eager to taste blood. (Reports that I softly cried like a kitten are slanderous falsehoods.) A savvy vet tech left the following notation in my file "CAUTION MAY BE GRUMPY."
So my prey has been warned? Don't think that will stop me tasting the blood of my foes.
I hunkered down in the bottom of my carrier, drawing them in. They removed the top, just as I planned. Girl (she's a sly one) left the cage door attached. Fine. I can work around that.
Another crafty Tech brought out the cat gloves and a towel. Ha! Hardly a challenge. Towel draped across my body, giant leather glove pinning me down, and the BabyVet made her move to viciously assault me with the first needle. Right where I wanted her!
With great skill and courage I made my leap! Squeezing through the Tech's fingers and shedding that towel like so much fur! Freedom was mine!
Treason! Mutiny! Betrayal!
Girl snagged me! Big jumps are not one of my many, (nearly infinite, really) talents, and the cage door slowed me down enough for Girl to get a hand on me, pinning me. Well, if brawn wouldn't do it, I'd have to rely on brains.
A wriggle here, a squirm there, and BabyVet couldn't reach the leg needed for shot two. Ha!
But apparently Girl's treachery knows no bounds. She scooped me out of the carrier and on to the table. The Tech, who, thank you very much, was filled with the appropriate amount of fear, tucked the towel around Girl's Arm. Please. She's not my target, Tech. (But I was getting rather irritated with her.)
I am sad to report that before I had time to formulate a new plan, BabyVet moved with startling quickness and ruthlessly jabbed me with shot number two! No! Then, showing shocking cunning, she stepped away, just out of biting range, allowing Girl to place me on the scale. Oh how I hissed and snarled! But BabyVet did not seem phased. Had I underestimated my foe?! Apparently I had. With a wicked glint in her eye, BabyVet instructed her minion to help Girl with the carrier. Before I had a chance to lunge forward and sink my teeth into sweet veterinary-shaped-noms, I was confined.
You win this round, BabyVet. But I shall return.
Oh yes. I. Shall. Return.
October 16th 2010 2:02 pm
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I hope you'll all check out my *grrrrrr* "Sister's" page. Gabby. *Hiiiiissssss* My MORONIC Girl got her from a sick friend (what a sob story. gag me. stupid humans.) She claims that she'll find Gabby a new home, but in the meantime I have to put up with her.
So. You want a new cat? I don't! Adopt Gabby!!! Get that long-furred Human-Thief out of my house!
*reaches out from under the couch and smacks the distasteful human's feet.*
August 6th 2009 4:51 pm
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Today was a Thursday. Thurdays are good days.
Today, like any Thursday, I woke Girl up at an obnoxious hour, just for fun. Following the breakfast she dutifully provided, I chased my little brother around the house for a while. Because Girl works from home on Thursdays, I obtained all the attention and brushing I could ever want. At five o'clock, I settled into my very favorite chair for my evening nap.
It was a good day.
Girl, waited until I was nearly nodding-off, and nabbed me! She tossed me violently (it's true I tell you! She turned into an evil demon-Girl!) into the dreaded "Pet Taxi" and swept out the door! This could mean only one thing! The VET! I promptly began to howl and hiss and shake the carrier! Demon-Girl would not take me without a fight!!
Upon arrival at the dread NAMC Vet, an evil blond minion, which girl called a vet tech, ushered us into a secure room, where they could torture me away from the eyes of witnesses!
They released me from my Pet Taxi/Prison and placed me on a scale. Comment on MY weight, will you evil Vet Minion?! Well then, you will never get your scale back! I kept it. Refused to move from it and swatted her hand with my sadly-claw-free paw. She wisely backed down.
Next, a man entered the room. I have liked every man I've ever met. Father played games with me when I was little. Fiance treats me, as he should, like a queen. Neighbor Boy lets me sit on his lap, even though he is horribly allergic to me. But THIS man? I did. not. like.
Unfortunately, he must have sensed my seething rage. Don't know if it was the hissing, the yowling or the puffy tail that tipped him off....
Before I could sink my teeth into his no doubt tasty flesh, he squinted at me and said "I don't trust you."
He sent his Minion to fetch him a towel. Who knew an innocent towel could become an instrument of torture! He walked behind me while the Vet Minion held my gaze. Instead of guarding my flank, as a servant should, Girl allowed the Evil One to toss the towel over my head! Oh the indignity!
I couldn't see!
I felt hands on me!
But the Evil one grabbed the scruff of my neck and handed me off to the Vet Minion.
Next he jabbed me in the leg (He nearly chopped it off, I'm certain!) not once, but twice!
I gave a mighty lunge! Freeeeeedooooom!!!
I hid under a table and Girl kept trying to talk to me. Traitor. I ignored her. Once again, the wily Evil Vet-Man managed to blind me and grab me.
He jabbed me a THIRD time (he will pay, I swear it!) and I finally managed to retreat to my Pet Prison.
Shortly thereafter, Girl and I arrived home. She tried to ply me with treats and a good brushing. But I plan to hate her for days. Weeks maybe.
What a waste of a perfectly good Thursday.