March 31st 2009 10:57 am
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Mommy wanted me to add this brief extra to my diary since I was picked as Diary of the Day. Mommy thinks it very sweet & kind but it doesn't alleviate the pain she feels at me being gone. She's hoping that anyone who comes to check out my page & diary will read this & warn all other fur parents.
But this is a HUGE warning to be taken VERY seriously by all who love their kitties dearly. Please - don't ever EVER feed us any human foods (no matter how yummy it is to us) that has onions in it. Not even a tiny bit of onion powder in the food!!!!
Why? Doesn't it make the food taste better & maybe help those ill kitties to eat something?
Because onions contain a plant compound that is very dangerous for us! It's called n-propyl disulphide (it's what makes onions smell like they do) & it absolutely destroys the hemoglobin in our red blood cells. Kitties who get eat food with trace amounts of onions may not seem ill. That's because a bit here & there, while destroying our red blood cells, may not have killed so many that we die. But it makes us feel off & makes us tired since it causes anemia.
But if a kitty eats a larger amount of food with more onions in it at one sitting, it may be destroy enough red blood cells to make the kitty so anemic, it can't recover & dies. Sick kitties who've been regularly fed pureed baby food meat with traces of onion powder in it have died instead of recovering. Their sad parents may have no idea that it was the onions that killed their baby. They were only trying to help them eat & recover. :-(
Apparently, garlic also contains this compound but seems to take longer to effect the kitties or maybe isn't as strong. Really, garlic is not a good thing to add to a kitty's diet either, DESPITE too many cat food companies adding it to foods (with the hypocritical hype that it's good for kitties).
More can be read here about the dangers of onions & garlic:
There's lots more about this if you wish to do a search on Google. Mommy made sure that her babies never got anything even slightly toxic to us. She loves us too much to take chances!
Please, I know you love your babies too so NO MORE HUMAN FOOD with those dangerous onions in them !!!
March 29th 2009 5:11 pm
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I write this diary entry & probably will not write another for a long time, maybe months or even a year. I want to let others know who've been so kind & written me why I never answered. I'm sorry. I just couldn't. It was like ripping open a gaping wound that just started to crust over. All the pain & emptiness would come flooding back. I couldn't. I became very depressed last year & still struggle with it. I hope this summer, I may feel more normal. I'm not sure. Nothing can replace Morgana & there will always be a hole that will never close. I'm sorry to not write & I still can't. So here, in this diary entry, is what my heart feels for my baby.
It's been over a year ago that I lost part of my life & soul. I thought by now, I'd feel better & I guess in a way I do. But the pain is still strong & the sense of loss remains fresh. I still see her sweet little face, eyes closed, wrapped in a blanket just before I buried her. I still remember kissing that tiny nose & forehead, covering it in tears just before I laid her to rest. The snow was falling around me, mixing with the tears streaming down my face.
I so desperately wish I could go back in time when she first started to show those vague "barely there" symptoms. To catch it in time so hopefully, she could be operated on before the cancer invaded her liver & did the irreparable damage it caused. Even my vet couldn't see what the almost normal lab tests showed but I knew something was wrong. There was just nothing to point to.
I love that little girl with all my heart. No one, animal or person, has ever had such a profound effect on me with their loss. I've lost my father (loved but wasn't close to him), one brother & the only grandma I knew. But their loss meant nothing as Morgana's did. She honestly was a part of me - part of my heart, mind & soul. When she died, so did part of me. And it's still not back. I would do almost anything to have her back.
I miss the funny little routines we had. Every night at bedtime, she'd put on a burst of silliness - racing through the house, leaping off furniture, leaping onto the windowsill in my bedroom only to bound off again & race out around & around. Only before bedtime & it didn't matter what time bed was. It was her way of winding down. Then, she come up to play on the bed for a few minutes, whirling about as she chased her tail, spit & leaped at moving blankets & did her silly antics that made me laugh. Only then would she settle down to cuddle & sleep with me.
She loved to go "bad bug" hunting in summer with me before bed too. There'd always be a few stray mosquitoes that made it inside during the day & they had to be caught before bed else they'd find me while I slept. We'd go from room to room, me with a rolled up tea towel to whack them sitting on the wall & Morgana to happily gobble the fallen mosquito - though for the life of me, I can't see what there was to eat OR enjoy! She'd scan the walls with me, helping me find the mosquitoes. She was very good at it too!
I loved the way she'd sit on the windowsills, looking out the windows for dogs walking by. She was fearless. She'd growl when she'd see any dog. She instinctively hated them. And like any kitty, she loved to watch squirrels, birds & moths outside, chattering excitedly, wanting to get them.
Never have I met or seen a cat like Morgana that loved to make eye contact. She'd gaze adoringly into my eyes for the longest time. If I was sitting reading or on the computer, she'd put a paw on my lap & when I turned to her, lean forward & do that intense gaze with a tiny added chirp of a meow. Who could resist that? What else could be so important that I would put her off. She loved me to scoop her up in my arms then & cuddle & snuggle. She'd rub her cheek against my chin & cheek over & over, like she could never get enough love. She was no lap kitty - she wanted to be held up close by my face & against my chest. She's purr so hard that she made the funniest, sweetest little trilling sounds with her purrs. I've never heart that before or since.
When I put on music to dance because I felt good, she wanted to dance with me too. She'd stand on her hind legs & raise her front paws like a little child wanting to be picked up. Up in my arms, we'd dance about the place, all the while purring her joy in my ear. Her understand of what I said was amazing too. Not just words but entire sentences. I had one other cat many years ago who understood that well too. He was one of the smartest Einstein cats ever & his love was as great as Morgana's but with him, he bonded with the entire family. It was like he was a brother with my sons. Morgana, on the other hand, picked me to bond with & only me. It made me feel special.
April 7th 2008 4:38 pm
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It's been a while since I've added anything to Morgana's diary. It's been hard to write since thinking of her would only bring on the tears again. I knew that it's not just me grieving her loss but the winter depression I get. Spring in here now, not all that sunny but much better & I feel better too.
But it doesn't mean I don't miss her so much still. I'm going to find her loss hard for a long, long time I think. We had so many happy times together that when a certain situation comes up (frequently too) that we shared together, it aches inside. I'll never be able to see a mosquito again without thinking of Morgana & her hunting prowess of them.
She would help me wake up in the morning (I'm NOT a morning person) but insisting that I hold & have some serious active cuddle time with her. It was like a burst of sunshine to perk up my soul. And she made winding down & getting sleepy at night easy too with her long & quieter cuddle session. At night, when I close my eyes, the tears still seep through my lashes.
Mozza is being very cuddly though, more so at night & so the two of us are building our own night-time ritual that soothes both of us. Sadly, it reminds me though of how when he's gone, that horrible emptiness will only be all the harder to bear. But for now, I'm making the most of my time with him. I know Morgana would not begrudge us this love.
One day, I know, I'll be able to think of my sweet little girl without this horrid painful tug on my heart. There will always be that sense of loss but the pain will be gone - not forgotten but not causing the hurt it does now. Such a special dear heart, she was. I only hope that everyone who's ever had a cat (or other pet) will experience this deep bond that we felt. As loving & special as Mozza is, the deep bond is not there. Oh, he's wonderful, funny, unique & I'm so glad to have him. But it's different & won't ever be like it was with Morgana. She seemed more human than any other cat I've known except old Taco who was the entire family's pet many years ago.
Rest in peace, sweet baby & as you become one with the earth, you will be the blossoms of the Kalmia I plant over your grave. I love you forever, dear heart Morgana.