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Poopy Coon Feet

Strategery

She's calling it "Bandit". He skulks under the bed like a criminal. The human has started what she calls "supervised visitation". That means the door is open and I can go in and DESTROY THE ENEMY!

The first time he sneaked out from under the bed, I trotted over to let him know who was boss. He tried to act tough. A little hissing. A little growling. A couple of swipes with his claws. I just pretended to be scared. Yeah, that's it. I was PRETENDING to be scared. Just a little strategy to lull him into a false sense of superiority, I mean, security.

He's getting braver. He comes out from under the bed when he thinks I'm not looking. But I'm watching his every move! I'm working hard at keeping him corralled in the bedroom. I'll concede that room to him but that's ALL! The rest of the house is MINE!

Death to Bandit!

She thought she could sneak him into the house but I was wise to her. (pace, pace, pace) He's in her bedroom. I can smell him. (pace, pace, pace) I've posted myself outside of the door. (pace, pace, pace) If he tries to get out, he'll have to get past me first. (pace, pace, pace)

I got a look at him yesterday. Overweight, probably out of shape. I can take him. (pace, pace, pace). That's why I ran away, I mean, tried to lure him out of the room. (pace, pace, pace). And hid, I mean, set up an ambush under the kitchen table. (pace, pace, pace). He didn't take the bait and try to leave the bedroom so I am back at my post. Acting as sentry (pace, pace, pace).

I must defend my house (pace, pace, pace). I will fight him at the scratching post. I will fight him at the food bowl. I will fight him at the litterbox. I WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!

Note from Human: Oh, great. I have a cat that channels Churchill.

New Kitty? No Way!

My human announced that instead of getting me toys and stuff for my birthday next month, she's getting me a "buddy". She says that with her two jobs, Master Gardener class and volunteer work at Rutgers Gardens that she is never home (true!) and even when she is home, she is either working in the yard or on the computer (also true!). So her solution is to get another cat? Come on, the answer is obvious! Cut down on all those unnecessary activities and spend more time with me.

There's no way I'm sharing my wet food with another cat. Or my cat tree. And definitely NOT my litterbox. Uh, uh. Only one kitty per litterbox and that kitty is me! And that's FINAL.

Note from Human: an additional litterbox has already been purchased along with food and water bowls, toys and a scratcher.

Note from Tuvok: how come the new kitty gets a scratcher with catnip and all I get is a plain, old scratching post without catnip??????

Note from Human: when have you ever needed catnip as an inducement to scratch?

Note from Tuvok: (time to change the subject) Can I have a treat? Look, I'm cute and furry (she falls for this every time).

Note from Human: awwwww...looook...he's soooo cuuuuute and furrrrry! Here, have a treat.

Note from Tuvok: (told ya!)