Toby's Diary

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Cat Rules

July 30th 2015 10:21 pm
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My mum was very late home last night. She started telling us about the delays and the bad traffic but it was very dull so we went out. We only came in when she had cooked her supper and was settled down to eat. That's when we like our attention.

"You are all back to front," she grumbled, "I wanted snuggles when I came in and you didn't want to know. Now it's inconvenient you are all over me."

"I think you'll find you're the one the wrong way round," I said. "Josie and I still have a lot of training to do."

Later my mum was jotting things down in a notebook. "Rumble purr" she wrote and "Knead people" and "Wash! Wash! Wash!"

"What's all that?" I wanted to know.

"A friend of a friend at work is setting up a business painting boards with rules on. She's done Coffee Lovers Rules and Dog Rules but she got stuck at Cat Rules. They asked if I could help."

"So they know you love cats," I said.

"I might have mentioned it," said my mum. I started giving my mum a whole lot more rules but they have to be short to fit on the board and she thought maybe mine were too specific to me. I have clear ideas about how things should be.


My part in ecology

July 29th 2015 10:37 pm
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Yesterday I was chatting to my mum when she started tickling my back legs. I looked back to see what she was doing.

"Hold still," she said. "I'm taking grass seeds out of your fluff."

She piled them neatly on the arm of the sofa and I sniffed them.

"I didn't realise I had those," I commented.

"It's all part of how nature works," explained my mum. "The seeds stick to your fur and you carry them off and they plant somewhere else."

I was quite excited by this.

"So we'll get grass on the sofa."

"No," she said, disappointingly. I like a munch on a bit of grass and it would be good to be able to without going outside in the winter.

Thinking of which I walked over my mum to go outside.

"Toby! You've just picked up most of those seeds I took so long taking off you," said my mum.

"I'm taking them back outside so they can grow." And I did.


I caught a squirrel (nearly)

July 28th 2015 10:30 pm
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He was sitting on the fence. I was stealth personified, inching slowing forward, imperceptibly advancing on my prey, victory a short leap away when....

oh no - say she's not joining in!

The door opened and out came my mum, full of excitement, waving and shouting.

I looked back at the squirrel but he was darting as far away from this crazy human as possible.

I turned to my mum. "How many times do I have to explain it?! That is not how you hunt. Next time stay in. Watch and learn."

Sighs! She is the worst hunter in the world. But I definitely would have caught the squirrel if she hadn't been there.



July 27th 2015 10:24 pm
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I woke up bright and early this morning then..ack! ack! ack! and oh the sweet relief..furball gone.

I went to tell my mum who was still in bed. I jumped on the bed to join her.

"My tummy is empty. While you're up you could give us breakfast," I suggested helpfully.

She didn't open her eyes but a sleepy hand scritched my ear. "I'm not up," she muttered.

"You have some cleaning up to do and while you're there.." I looked at her hopefully.

That got her eyes open. "Toby!"

"It's not my fault I have an inadequate brushing regime," I pointed out.

She flumped back on the pillow.

"Why do I have cats?" she asked the ceiling.

"Because we're awesome. Now chop chop! You have work to do."

Mums need a firm hand sometimes.


Sending love

July 26th 2015 10:32 pm
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On Friday it did rain. All day. And all evening. Lots.

My mum came back from work and said she was so happy that her drive was over and she didn't have to go out again.

"It looks like the perfect evening for a Fred Astaire movie and a big mug of tea," she announced.

And it was.

I sat next to her and had snuggles and was happy as could be. Then my mum got her laptop and said, "Toby - you have a message from Monster."

And she read it to to me. "What do you want me to say back?" she asked.

I told her and she started typing and I reached up and rubbed my head against the screen. "Will Monster feel that?" I wondered.

"The computer certainly did," said my mum, wiping the screen. I had been dribbling a bit in my happiness. "I'll tell him." And she did.

We can't read messages people send at the moment. We know we have them in our Inbox but we get an error when we try and open them. So it's all through gifts which is kind of nice in its own way but I hope Catster gets its fleas sorted out so we can find out what our friends have been saying.


Shelling peas

July 23rd 2015 10:28 pm
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is so much fun. I don't know why we don't do it every day.

My mum was in the kitchen and I heard her sigh, "This will take ages" and she came in. She had a bag of green things, the compost bin and a colander.

She took the green things, split them and out popped five or six perfect green orbs. They rolled into the colander. I have never seen the point of green food but these were brilliant.

I took up position as pea stirrer. As they rolled in I tried to catch them and flip them round.

"Take your paw out of the colander," said my mum which was mean. Why should she get all the fun?

"This is fantastic," I said. "We should do this every night."

"And I now see why I normally buy them frozen," said mum. I hope she doesn't ever again.


Is ths normal?

July 22nd 2015 10:34 pm
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Mum says that the Eskimos have lots of words for snow and she reckons cats need lots of words for sleep. She may be on to something there.

There is the very lightest doze, body alert, eyes at rest. There is the perfect circle, everything tucked in, maybe ears still awake. There is the tummy toast, stretched out enjoying a heat source.

And there is the ..well, mum calls it the frozen chicken..but that's not very dignified. But it's when you're on your tummy and have all your paws neatly folded underneath, tail tucked round.

Anyway this is where we come to my original question. My mum thinks it's hilarious every time to exclaim, "Oh no! You have no paws. Where did your paws go?"

Is this normal? It might even have been funny the first time but it still seems to tickle her even now. We don't look at her in her bed at night all covered with her blanket and say, "Oh no! You are just a head. Where did the rest of you go?"

I think my mum may just be weird. Thank goodness she has us to keep an eye on her.



July 21st 2015 10:36 pm
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We don't have many rules in our house. There's that stupid one about not making Josie squeal when we wrestle which is really hard because she squeals a lot. There's a ridiculous one about claws and sofas but no-one bothers with that one.

And there's one about mum not liking to see us on the kitchen sides. Something about naked flames and sharp knives. I don't really know; I didn't listen once I realised it wasn't interesting.

Anyway we have to jump up there when my mum is out or when she's busy. If it's when she's busy you have to be super-alert and hear her coming. Only yesterday I was up there and so intent on tracking down any last remaining morsels of that tasty food I forgot listen for my mum.

It was a shock to both of us when she walked in and found me there. I jumped down and sprinted outdoors and my mum went "Oooohhhhrrggg!" which was funny looking back but I didn't hang around to appreciate it.

Oh and mum had a nice story from her work. One of their customers has a dog but every day he saw a sad and bedraggled homeless cat. Eventually he could stand it no more and took the cat to the vet. No chip and in such a bad state he had to have all his teeth taken out.

Clearly he couldn't look after himself any more so the man took him home and the sad cat now has a forever home and a harness so he can go out looked after and apparently the dog and cat have taken to each other right away so a very happy ending. The cat will never be sad and bedraggled again but will always have a full tummy and a safe place to sleep.


An empty bowl is a sad bowl

July 20th 2015 10:35 pm
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We had an emergency. I called my mum with piercing mews so she would know it was important. She came scurrying to the kitchen.

"What's up?" she asked.

I looked at the problem.

"What's the matter Toby?"

"My bowl. It's empty. Fix it."

Now I don't normally finish my breakfast - too keen to get out and hunt down the birdies - but it had been so delicious.

"I haven't got any more of that."

"That" was another package of extra delicious food we had received.

"They must love me," I had said, "to keep sending me scrummy food."

Mum looked at the wrapper package. "Different supermarket" she commented. Then looking at the paperwork, "And not only a voucher off the food but one for some free treats as well."

"Get down there forthwith," I suggested.

But she didn't. Which is why we ended up where we did. My empty bowl and nothing special to fill it with.

"You have biscuits," said my mum hopefully. But it was not my biscuit belly that was empty.

Looks like I'll be catching my own breakfast today.


My mum went on holiday

July 19th 2015 10:34 pm
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I want a holiday.

"You have to do some work to have a holiday from," she said.

Sighs! No-one appreciates what I do.

I did brief Josie carefully. "When mum comes back and says she missed us, which she surely will, you have to look bemused and say, had she been away? we hadn't noticed."

We did practice but it was rather undermined by Josie being at the window when my mum came home, scanning the pavement for that one special face. She keeps sitting near my mum and purring. Josie doesn't do cool.

Paul from next door came to feed us while my mum was away. I was very careful and quick-smart out of our magic door whenever he came round. What if he wanted to catnap me? I would not like to live with Leo and Jasper. It's bad enough they come in my garden.

Mum says he will not catnap ether me or Josie but I say better safe than sorry.

Anyway my mum came home on Friday and this morning I officially forgave her for going away and gave her some snuggles which she liked.

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