Texts from Mittens: The Millions Edition


Life is tough when you realize you’re not a millionaire — especially when you see some other cat making a haul. Friends, this is just one of the atrocities that’s been on Mittens’ mind. Certainly he should have millions of dollars, and of course it’s Mom’s fault this isn’t the case. He calls in his best friend Stumpy, who also happens to be his talent/business manager. Stumpy agrees it’s all Mom’s fault, then he helps Mittens devise a plan to collect the pile of cash he justly deserves. Well, he sort of helps.

Just when Mittens was sure Drunk Patty had seen a squirrel and wandered somewhere far away, Drunk Patty shows up looking for a lost earring. Mittens can help, but there’s always a payoff.

Oh, Mittens left his favorite toy in Mom’s work bag, and he’s certain the little felt rhino’s safety is in jeopardy. Why can’t she just leave work and bring the toy home? The unfairness continues with rumblings of a Halloween costume for Mittens. Grandma, isn’t it too early to start this nonsense? Mittens definitely thinks so.

Here are some of Mittens’ most recent woes.


Everything else ... but no earring.
Everything else … but no earring.






"Where are my millions?"
“Where are my millions?”




Click here for the entire library of Mittens posts on Catster.

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Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to feed them.

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