We Interview a Cat: How Do You Feel About the Litter Box?


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The savvy cat owner knows not to mess with a successful bathroom routine — once you find a litter box your cat uses, you thank your lucky stars, and you cling desperately to it. Still, have you seen some of these litter boxes? I decided to ask my cat, Stella, if she’s ever thought of upgrading.

Stella, wake up a moment. Do you like your litter box?

It’s a gray plastic tub from the supermarket. What’s not to like?

Have you ever wanted something different?

Wait — there’s something DIFFERENT than a gray plastic tub from the supermarket?

Of course.

Photos by Gina Cioli / Lumina Media

So why do you always get me a gray plastic tub from the supermarket?!

Um … it’s three bucks?

You cheapskate.

It’s BPA-free!

What else are you holding out on me?

Nothing. I mean, why buy cat toys when you can make them?


Let’s just focus on the litter box.

Fine — for now. Lay out my options.


Well, you could get one with a roof.

Huh. So I’ll finally have some privacy instead of sitting there like the queen of England on a beach holiday. I assume it’s retractable?

What? No.

Then how do I fling litter all over the place when I’m finished?

You don’t. That’s sort of the point of having the roof.

Where’s the sport in that? Don’t tell me you don’t love flinging toilet paper around your bathroom.

The roll got away from me ONE time. You could also get a round litter box.

Ooohh, how fashion-forward.

They even have one shaped like a sphere.

Like pooping in a ball!

Some litter boxes have little steps going into them.

So I’d be ascending a staircase like a lady to do my pooping. I like that.

It’s more about knocking the litter off your paws on the way down.

Still elegant.

How about one with a hole in the top?

So after I pee I can pretend I’m a criminal escaping through a manhole? Oh, that’s good.

They also have litter boxes that look like actual furniture, like a side table or a chinoiserie cabinet.

I thought we’ve moved past me peeing in your chinoiserie cabinet?

You’d be peeing in YOUR chinoiserie cabinet.

How refreshing. Can I still pee on your magazines?

Ah, I know — a self-cleaning automatic model! It’s got a robotic scoop that drags itself through the litter twice a day.

Nice try, but watching you deal with the clumps is half the fun of going Number Two.

If you really want a change, we can train you to use and even flush my toilet.

That’s disgusting. I’ve seen what you do to that toilet.

You know, some people just cut a hole in the side of a 50-gallon storage bin and call it a day.

Sounds like someone is trying to get out of scooping my poop every night.

Well, that leaves us where we started — the gray plastic tub from the supermarket.

It hasn’t let me down yet. But I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the litter. I think I could get a much better trajectory and spray pattern if I’m flinging one of the lighter, non-clumping —

Go back to sleep, Stella.

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