It’s pretty much common knowledge that cats will take over the world one day. But it’s a bit unclear who, when the time comes, will actually rule. We need someone who is strong, confident, strategic, and likes to party. We need … Colonel Meow.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who believes he may well be our next world leader. Since Colonel Meow appeared on Facebook 12 weeks ago, he’s amassed more than 90,000 "likes" — or minions, as Colonel Meow says.
There’s something about this fuzzy-wuzzy, grumpy-faced, foul-mouthed cat that makes me smile, despite the fact that he frequently orders his social media army to #spreadthefrown. I’m sorry, but it’s hard to frown when Colonel Meow’s around.
In a recent interview with Colonel Meow and his "master," Anne Marie Avey, a Seattle writer and bartender, I had a firsthand peek into the life of the cat who is actively planning world domination — and just might achieve it.
While I really wanted to ask Colonel Meow about how he got to be so darn adorable, my instinct told me not to, so I asked about his background.
The Colonel’s Facebook page says he was abandoned on the side of the road and rescued by the Himalayan and Persian Society before being adopted by Avey. When I pressed him for more details about his lineage and background, Colonel Meow haughtily told me, "I am a mix of Persian, Himalayan, Chuck Norris, owl, blue things, dust bunnies, and glow-in-the-dark beads. I’m pretty sure the breed is called, ‘The Most Amazing Cat That Ever Lived.'”
Luckily, Avey was more forthcoming with details about the Colonel’s history. She adopted Colonel Meow a year ago at a Petco event. She says she was drawn to him because "he is special," and she believes he’s around two years old.
Because cats usually dominate my bed, I was curious as to whether Colonel Meow graced Avey with his presence at night. "I sleep wherever I want to sleep," the Colonel told me. "When my Master goes to bed, I will climb on top of the table and dream kitty dreams of complete world domination and fake feathers. She hates it when I’m on the table. Which is exactly why I do it."
After switching gears and speaking with Avey for a bit, it became clear that being Colonel Meow’s caretaker requires a bit of work and patience. His floofy fur needs regular maintenance and, as a public figure, Colonel Meow must always look his best. Avey says she brushes him frequently with the FURminator, a favorite with longhaired kitties. Colonel Meow also makes regular visits to a special cats-only groomer to get his fur trimmed and coiffed for his fans.
I broached the topic of food, since the Colonel says on his Facebook page that he loves to eat. "My favorite thing to do is eat. When I’m not eating, I feel like I forgot to eat so I go back to eating again," his page reads. Hmm. Sounds like my cats.
But despite his love for food, the Colonel is picky. "He only eats Natural Balance cat food, and he only likes the duck formula," Avey shared. "And he loves his Greenies!"
His leadership style
Colonel Meow isn’t here to make friends. He’s here to do a job. As such, he doesn’t have time for pleasantries or pussyfooting around. I asked him what he thought of all this attention, and he growled, "It’s not attention I want. It’s complete loyalty. My minions are here to serve, and I expect them to do just that. Day and night."
Judging from the thousands of comments on his Facebook page and the number of minions who jumped to enter his Halloween Pumpkin Carving Contest (carving pumpkins in the Colonel’s likeness, naturally), Colonel Meow’s gruff leadership seems to be effective.
Perhaps the one closest to the Colonel is his ever-faithful sidekick, Boots the Golden Retriever, who appears in many of Colonel Meow’s posts. I asked the Colonel to tell me a bit more about Boots. "Boots, my best friend (I’m saying that only ‘cuz she’s right here) does almost everything for me, except feed me and clean up my @%!&," he said. "But I’m looking to hire someone else (just kidding, Boots!) because she’s an idiot Golden Retriever (seriously … I’m kidding!)."
His deepest, darkest secrets
I mustered up the courage to ask the Colonel to tell me something no one else knows about him. In typical Colonel Meow fashion, he said, "If I told you, I would have to kill you. Okay, that’s a lie. I would actually get Boots to do that. I hate getting blood in my fur." Guess I won’t pursue that line of questioning again.
After more discussion with Avey, I did discover something you may not know about Colonel Meow: Despite his larger-than-life personality and his huge social media following, he’s really just a little pussycat under all that fur. "He’s only about nine pounds," Avey said with a laugh.