6 High School Clubs My Cats Would Join


I’ve always enjoyed connecting with other like-minded people. Sure, it’s nice to hang out with a diverse group of friends, but when it comes right down to it, I think we all feel closest to those with whom we have similar interests. When I was in high school, I was involved in a variety of clubs. In 9th and 10th grade I was a member of Latin club, and I went on to become president. I loved Latin, but I really enjoyed the conventions and social aspects — and being in charge of the meetings.

The same two years, I was the worst cheerleader of all time. I have no idea why I eventually became B-team captain, because I knew very little about football. My parents used to guffaw from the stands as I called “defense” cheers when our team was on “offense.” I think my roles in those clubs probably said more about my leadership than talent. I mean, those cheerleaders actually listened to my cockamamie calls. What can I say? Veni, vidi, vici.

I switched high schools before 11th grade and also tried new extracurricular activities. I’d been involved in theatre on and off since age 10, so I thought I’d join our school’s branch of the International Thespian Society. It was a blast and I was pretty OK at it. And guess what? I was president my senior year and eventually studied theatre in college.

If my cats were in high school, they’d be all over the activities. They each have such distinct personalities, and I know exactly which clubs to which they’d be drawn.

1. Phoebe: debate club

Phoebe meows incessantly and constantly has to have the last word. And by the sassy look on her face, I can tell that she’s convinced she’s right all the time. When she wants food, she wants it now — no questions asked. And if she doesn’t get it, she’ll harass me until her bowl is full. I think Phoebe would likely pursue a career as a criminal prosecutor (or prose-“cuter”).

2. Cosmo: show choir

Cosmo is a tuxie and has always had a natural flair about him. I can definitely see him getting all jazz-handsy with a group of Glee-ful cats. His group would sweep regionals.

3. Saffy: home ec.

Given Saffy’s hyper-focused interest in all things related to the culinary arts (my nice way of saying she’s kind of a pig), I think she’d definitely join a home economic club that included food preparation. And she’d be a total teacher’s pet.

4. Phoebe: student council

Opinionated individuals usually land on the student council. They run their campaign on a platform and are generally popular types who effectively sway others with their charm and promises. This is the perfect activity for a 6.5-pound alpha cat who leads (bosses) our other two cats around. And these are cats are twice her size and nearly twice her age. A cat like this could solve this whole government shutdown business.

5. Cosmo: chess club

Cosmo enjoys refined activities and is always looking for an opportunity to wear sweater vests and act like the “thinking cat’s cat.” Plus he enjoys batting the chess pieces and napping on top of the board.

6. Saffy: drama club (spotlight operator)

Like Cosmo, Saffy enjoys participating in shows; however, she prefers to slink into the background and paint sets — or better yet — operate the spotlight. You see, while everyone is paying attention to the spotlighted performer on the stage, she can sit in the dark and eat snacks. But her name still gets in the program. Win-win.

In which clubs or activities would your cats participate? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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