The political season is winding down here in the U.S. and — whatever your affiliation — my guess is you’re more than ready to say bye-bye to the whole shebang. Political campaigns have been in the forefront for a while, and with campaigns come promises. Nominees, based on their platforms, have a lot to say about what they’ll do to improve their constituents’ lives and livelihood. They usually wrap all those promises up into succinct slogans that they hope are catchy and, of course, memorable.
If cats were politicians, they’d definitely craft interesting slogans, although I’m not so sure about holding them to any promises. You know cats — everything is on their own time. Well, I suppose we could say the same thing about many politicians.
Okay, back to the alternate universe in which cats run for office and develop snappy slogans. Here are eight they’d probably slap on yard signs and bumper stickers.
1. “Make the laundry basket warm again”
This one’s a spin on a current presidential candidate’s slogan. A cat would never see America being great again without an abundance of baskets overflowing with warm laundry. Cats believe a good nap is what keeps the country strong. Nobody wants a country full of cranky, sleep-deprived cats. More warm laundry baskets mean more relaxing naps, and that means happier citizens … or kittizens.
2. “MEOW is the time”
I can totally see this as a call-and-respond chant at political rallies.
“When’s the time?”
“The time is MEOW!”
Can’t you see all the little paws waving in the air? I’d attend the rally just to see the little paws.
3. “More laps, more naps”
Again, naps are one of the main keys to overall feline happiness. A kitty politician would certainly guarantee more human laps on which to nap. They may not have specifics about how they’d provide those laps, but those are just minor details. “Vote me into office, and we’ll work out all the details about this lap situation. You can count on me.” Sure thing, kitty.
4. “All litter, no glitter”
Some candidates would want to emphasize their no-fuss, unpretentious platforms. Who needs complicated policy proposals when what’s important is the quality of cat litter being poured into boxes across the country. Those candidates who focus on promises of fancy food in every home and imported treats in every paw are not in touch with the real cat population.
5. “Putting the ‘fur’ in fervent”
Sure there’s not really a “fur” in “fervent,” but that doesn’t matter. It sounds good, and a cat would latch his or her claws right onto a catchy slogan like that one. This would be a passionate, charismatic politician — one with lots of energy. Probably a Bengal.
6. “Your choice for litter box change”
“Change” is a hot word in the political world. Many candidates promise improvements all across the board, while others focus on specific areas of interest … like the litter box. There’d absolutely be candidates whose main focus would be on litter box issues: how often they’re cleaned, the quality of litter, the location of the boxes in homes. There’s no end to this hot topic.
7. “Vote yes for sprawl”
Many politicians are against sprawl — urban sprawl, that is. Cats, on the other hand, are all for sprawl, but have no interest in the urban kind. They want to make sure cats have plenty of opportunities for sprawling across surfaces at their leisure. There should be no limits. They’re “all for the sprawl,” which was one of the original contenders for the official slogan.
8. “I’m with FUR”
You’re with HER? I’m with FUR. Cats would show their support of the super furry candidate — perhaps a Maine Coon — by wearing t-shirts, buttons, and hats sporting the “I’m with FUR” slogan. You know, I’d probably wear something sporting that slogan, and there aren’t even any cats in the running for U.S. president.
What would your cat’s political slogan be?
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